The Beach

There are occasions when I forget just how different life has become now that Miss H and I have made the move to a full time FLR relationship. Things that seem so normal now yet completely opposite of how they were just seven or eight months ago. A perfect example was getting ready to go to the beach recently. I grabbed the beach towels, umbrella, food, and everything else that we would need and packed them in the car. I jumped in the shower real quick and afterwards while drying off I was thinking about where we might go for lunch when it dawned on me that there were now a few additional "new" things I had to take care of before we left.

First, the bright pink nail polish had to be taken off my toes. That was followed by replacing the standard metal lock on my CB-6000 with a plastic one (saltwater and metal didn't seem like a good combination). Then after putting on my swimsuit I suddenly realized that between the cock cage, the lock, my scrotum piercing, and Miss H's dog tag heart attached to the ring, I sounded like a one man band every time I took a step, the combination of plastic and metal clanking about rather loudly. To fix it, I put on a pair of colorful cotton bikini brief panties underneath my suit to hold things in place and muffle the noise.

As harsh as is it might sound to be forced to wear the cage to the beach, it was actually my decision. Well sort of, Mistress gave me the option to either take the nail polish off my toes or remove the cock cage. One or the other but not both. I chose the cage because it's better to feel a little physical discomfort then a lot of public shame. Over all the day went great, and with the tight restraint of the cage around Miss H's cock, she was never far from my mind.

Fresh polish

Today's a tough one.

I've long since been accustomed to wearing my CB-6000, to the point now where *not* wearing it seems like the odd thing. Obviously then you might think I've also gotten used to not cumming, and for the most part you'd be right. It's still really hard to spend an hour or two with Miss H teasing her little cock and having me service her, knowing full well that I wont get any release at the end, but I suppose repetition breeds familiarity so I've learned to accept it. The sheer pleasure during her teasing is well worth not receiving the final "prize".

There are plenty of days where I just feel really horny all day (which seems like every day actually) and some where outside forces intervene and sex is the last thing on my mind. Overall it seems to mellow out and hit a sweet spot, a nice feeling of pent up sexual frustration without reaching an all consuming level of sexual addiction.

Today however is not one of those days. I'm horny to an almost painful level, the need for sexual release virtually unbearable. Miss H walked into the bedroom naked this morning after getting out of the shower. I always stare her down when she does because I find her body incredibly attractive. This morning it was more alone the lines of a hungry cheetah eyeballing a wounded gazelle. She was in a hurry so she didn't do anything the least bit provocative or sexual to toy with me, just simply slide on a normal pair of panties and bra and then get dressed for work. The entire thing took barely 60 seconds if that and yet as I looked down at my shorts I noticed a fully erect cock and could feel the front of my panties soaking wet with precum. At that point she could have just shot me the right look with her eyes and it would have been all over, I seriously think I could have came right there, through the cage and into my nice frilly, flowery panties.

I don't know the exact reason why I'm so horny today as compared to other days this week, perhaps being caged up and chaste for over two weeks is finally catching up with me. Maybe it's because Miss H has become more vigorous in her training during this latest bout of extended chastity (disciplinary canings every night without fail, extended tease and denial sessions occurring almost daily, a new level of depraved dirty talk and verbal abuse, etc). It could even be the simple fact that Miss H and I didn't really have any time together last night. No real soft cuddling, no gentle sucking on her magnificent breasts, and certainly no attention paid to the tiny cock she has locked up.

Now that I sit her and think about it that last one makes a lot of sense. It's definitely not the only reason but it probably plays a large part in my current predicament. I rarely get to have intercourse with Miss H so I've become used to channeling that expression of my sexual release into other forms. I can't "have sex" with Miss H so in order to find some type of sexual satisfaction my brain is getting rewired to receive the same pleasure and release by sucking on Miss H's toes or orally servicing her ass. So while I don't get to orgasm while doing these things, the same level of sexual excitement is generated. Or something like that, it sounds like a bunch of psycho babble but all I know is that while I always enjoyed giving oral to Miss H, I can now get almost to the point of cumming just by licking her and pleasing her.  So when intercourse is taken away, my brain has a fall back plan. It's when that gets taken away also that problems arise, I think I get so flooded with testosterone that I fall into like sex zombie mode (how sexy does that sound btw...) and become obsessed with anything and everything sex related.

Five minutes alone unlocked from my cock cage and I'd be able to cum and release the built up pressure, but that won't be happening any time soon if Miss H has anything to say about it so instead I'll sit here like a meth head jonesing for a hit, fidgety, anxious, and unable to concentrate on anything that doesn't involve my deepest darkest kinks.

The aftermath.

Here's a quick pic showing the results of the caning I received the other night. It was actually taken the following night and as Miss H said, "it doesn't look nearly as bad as it did after I beat your ass". In fact Mistress was a bit dissapointed that she became so preoccupied with caning me that she completely forgot to take any pictures to remember the event by. Next time there will probably be a whole photo spread if she has her way, until then enjoy this photo

A little sore this morning.

Last night was a good night. You might not think that a night of physical abuse and pain would have that effect on a person but it's strange what you learn as you explore new things. I never was really into pain that much, as a sub my interests are more along the line of humiliation, verbal abuse, servitude, and bondage. I'd much rather have you abuse my psyche then my body, or so I at least thought.

Now I haven't yet made the jump to total pain slut, but I have started to enjoy a much more intense level of physical play between Miss H and myself. It started off as just something I took because that's what Mistress desired. She wants to beat me so that's what happens. I was rather neutral on the whole issue, I didn't absolutely dread it, but it wasn't something that I eagerly looked forward to either. The point where that began to change was when Miss H started expanding the length and intensity of these punishment sessions. A quick "bend over and I'll beat your ass with a paddle for five minutes" just kind of hurt. A session like last night however literally had me begging for me even though it was among the most painful things I had ever experienced.

Knowing that there was a date and time set for my punishment had me anxious and that nervous energy was a turn on. The whole day I knew what was coming and just how bad it was going to probably be. Usually Mistress just has me bend over or get on all fours for my canings, this time I was chained spread eagle on the bed with a pillow under my stomach to push my ass out into proper position. That lack of control, that not being able to stop the caning if I wanted to was wildly erotic for me. I couldn't just roll over or jump off the bed if I wanted it to stop, no matter how hard I struggled, the chains kept me tied down tight.

Miss H started slowly, warming me up with a paddle then moving onto the cane, even then alternating speeds and force like a conductor with an orchestra. Building to a crescendo of unbelievable pain, only stopping momentarily to let me savor the sting of her work before starting once more. The rhythmic tempo of her abuse ebbed and flowed, a wave of pain crashing down on me only to occasionally be soothed by the soft stroke of her hand along a quivering penis. The classic carrot and stick, my back eagerly arching into position, pleading for the cane, knowing full well that it may be followed once more by her gentle stroking, if only I could willingly accept just one more hit. Or two. Or three...

The stark contrast between the pleasure and pain soon muddied until it was just a constant stream of sensations flowing through my body. I couldn't tell which was which, all I knew was that I never wanted it to stop. The raw animal emotion of the moment was taking over, the hurt, the pleasure, the desire, all become a single feeling, submission. Submission to my Mistress, Miss H.

Fun time.

I'll be posting more later this week, but for now Miss H and I are enjoying a full weekend of total free time, no work, nothing at all to get in the way of several days of pure kink filled debauchery. Pictures will be coming soon but for now I'm off to the tight confines of the bondage bag and leather hood...

My own worst enemy

As I mentioned in a previous post, things between Miss H and I were a bit "off" the past week or so. I was being insubordinate and not doing what I should have been and Mistress just kept getting more and more upset about it which was resulting in a steady stream of nit-picking, hurt feelings, and a sense of disconnect. Thankfully Miss H and I have always been really good about communicating. If a problem does crop up its usually not long before we sit down and talk it out. Letting ugly feelings fester is of no benefit to anyone so we are pretty proactive in discussing things that need to be addressed.

The main issue was that Mistress felt as though once I had been allowed to cum this past week, my whole attitude shifted from obedient submissive slave to insensitive muscle head. To her credit, I think she was for the most part correct. When I'm in my submissive zone, all I want to do is go into super clingy mode, cuddling with her, making her feel good, and generally servicing her every whim. After I cum, for a short period of time afterwards I tend to get out of that mentality. It's not that I suddenly become an evil ogre, but instead of passionately giving her a kiss before I leave for work and gently sucking on her nipples on the way out, I just pop back in the bedroom for a quick "I love you" and a peck on the cheek. It's not a good attitude at all and I'm working on it but I don't always catch myself in time and naturally ( and rightfully so) Miss H feels like I'm neglecting her after I've had my fun.

I thought this was the main thing bothering her the other night when we sat down to talk. She told me how she didn't like how I wasn't being as affectionate this past week and much to my utter shock, her biggest concern was more about how I was neglecting the Principles of our FLR relationship then anything else. That might sound totally obvious to anyone reading this but it caught me off guard. You see, I understand that Miss H and I are in an FLR relationship. That's good, very good in fact, because that type of D/S type relationship is something I've always wanted since the first time I realized I was submissive, and while Miss H made it clear in a very straightforward way that she wanted it too, I never 100% believed that she was as into it as I was.

I'm a person of extremes, I don't get just my ears pierced, I get my scrotum, belly button, nipples, eye brows, lip, and anything else I can get a ring through, pierced. I don't want you to gently smack my butt, I want you to cane me until my ass is a sea of purple welts and bruises. So when Miss H isn't repeatedly beating, debasing, and abusing me I tend to get nervous that this is just further proof that she's not really into it as much as she says she is. That instead she's just simply doing it to please me and that makes me feel horribly guilty and uncomfortable.

So when she seemed to be just as concerned with the FLR/sexual aspect of our relationship as with the "regular" portion of our relationship, it was the first time I think I fully realized how serious she was about FLR. Miss H has told me countless times in the past that she's 100% committed to our new lifestyle and yet it never really sunk in until that moment. I feel like such an idiot for ever doubting her, I suppose it was just so hard to believe that I'm with a women that is not only ok with my kinks and fetishes, but actively wants to take it to another level, that I couldn't convince myself that what she was saying was actually the truth. I was afraid that if I ever fully gave in to that notion, I would only be devastated later when she eventually told me the truth about how she never really was into it.

The fear is gone, for the most part, and I'm diving in with both feet, for it's better to pursue your dreams and risk failure then to regret what could have been.