So the other night was the last time I was allowed to cum. Initially Miss H and I decided that before starting on my current period of chastity we would have two last days to had sex and generally chill out with each other. Well, one thing led to another and things got heated, in a good way, and before you know it Mistress had changed her mind about when exactly my chastity should start. Right in the middle of sex she kind of stops, looks at me, and tells me to pull out of her. She announced that my chastity was starting early and I wouldn't be cumming that night after all.
I don't know if this was planned from the beginning or she stopped because I wasn't sexually satisfying her or she honestly did just change her mind spur of the moment, but it was a shock what ever the reason. So of course I started whining like a little bratty bitch to please allow me to penetrate her a few more times at least but she seemed steadfast in denying me.
At this point I got desperate so I tried to bargain with her, offering up various methods of self humiliation in exchange for being allowed the privileged to cum. I don't even remember what I initially offered to do but it wasn't long before I was saying anything I could think of that might provide just enough embarrassment to tempt her into letting me cum. I told her I would cum on her feet and lick it off, that I would lay upside down and jerk off onto my on face, anything to just let me cum. Mistress toyed with me for a while until I finally was so desperate I was literally begging and pleading to allow her to let me wear a condom to have sex with her and promising that I would swallow the entire contents of it after I had cum.
It took about two and a half seconds after she said yes that I was suddenly regretting my choice. I get so worked up when I'm horny and haven't cum in a while that I tend to forget just how quickly and deeply I fall out of "subspace" immediately after cumming. It's then that that once super erotic thought of swallowing down a huge load of my own cum suddenly becomes crushingly shameful and humiliating, and not in the way I enjoy. I quickly began trying to back out of the deal but Miss H would have no part of it. She told me I had one minute left to cum so not wanting to waste the opportunity to orgasm, I did. I thought that Mistress might see the look of disgust and shame on my face and let me escape without performing what I had so foolishly offered. We lay in bed cuddling and I honestly believed I wouldn't have to go through with it.
She just smiled and said "Drink it. Now."
I didn't have much of a choice so I did as she ordered, wincing as I held the condom up above my mouth, waiting for my warm sperm to splash down between my lips. I took it like a shot, one big gulp and done with. Mistress seemed happy enough by what I had done and we soon slipped off to sleep together, she seemingly amused and content while I laid there in the darkness contemplating just how much of a sissy bitch I was really becoming.
The inner thoughts and musings of a submissive transvestite.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
A weird feeling
Tonight is technically speaking the first of what looks to be an indeterminate period of chastity for me. Normally just the thought of that gets me rock hard and wet. So it was rather strange that when I got an email from Mistress today describing how she wanted me to prepare I initially wasn't all that excited. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I just came late the night before and therefore being freshly drained of cum, I wasn't all that overly horny today. I wasn't really into my "subspace" anymore and was perfectly happy just going about my business today without any real thought given to chastity, dressing, or anything of the like for that matter.
The instructions she emailed me were as follows - Read this blog article on chastity and then when I got home to immediately put on my CB-2000 chastity device before doing anything else. Naturally I did just as she asked but just didn't feel into like I normally do. I'm eagerly Miss H's slave when I'm super horny, so being a good slave means knowing your role and acting on it regardless of whether I'm super turned on or not in the mood at all. So as I was locking on the padlock to the cage that thought ran through my mind and something about it suddenly got me dripping with pre-cum.
Here I was, not at all horny, concerned more with what was on TV tonight then getting aroused by obeying my Mistress's commands, and then it hit me. I'm so devoted to her as a slave that I didn't even question not doing it. The level of control she's building over me is growing with each passing day and that power is intoxicating. It's one thing to act the part of a submissive as you play around during a bout of passion in the bedroom, it's another to be tired, bored, and uninterested and yet without a second thought lock down your cock in a cage and be prepared to do any number of other humiliating and degrading things that your Mistress might order you to.
I can feel my cock starting to strain against the plastic bars of the cage. I can feel the wetness dripping from the tip of my cock. I can feel the desire starting to build deep within me. I can feel my heart pumping ever faster. It's going to be a long few months...
The instructions she emailed me were as follows - Read this blog article on chastity and then when I got home to immediately put on my CB-2000 chastity device before doing anything else. Naturally I did just as she asked but just didn't feel into like I normally do. I'm eagerly Miss H's slave when I'm super horny, so being a good slave means knowing your role and acting on it regardless of whether I'm super turned on or not in the mood at all. So as I was locking on the padlock to the cage that thought ran through my mind and something about it suddenly got me dripping with pre-cum.
Here I was, not at all horny, concerned more with what was on TV tonight then getting aroused by obeying my Mistress's commands, and then it hit me. I'm so devoted to her as a slave that I didn't even question not doing it. The level of control she's building over me is growing with each passing day and that power is intoxicating. It's one thing to act the part of a submissive as you play around during a bout of passion in the bedroom, it's another to be tired, bored, and uninterested and yet without a second thought lock down your cock in a cage and be prepared to do any number of other humiliating and degrading things that your Mistress might order you to.
I can feel my cock starting to strain against the plastic bars of the cage. I can feel the wetness dripping from the tip of my cock. I can feel the desire starting to build deep within me. I can feel my heart pumping ever faster. It's going to be a long few months...
Thursday, January 27, 2011
denial
This is my next project, Love, to drain you without allowing you to orgasm. You can skip to the good stuff around the 5:37 mark.
Kisses,
Kisses,
Miss H
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Bedtime
Mistress was kind enough to let me out of my cock cage for a while. Of course to make up for it she's making me wear hot pink sweat pants, a tiny pink thong, and a tiny little white top as my "pajamas". I'm allowed to masturbate along side Mistress as she watches tv and generally ignores me. It's humiliating but at least I can touch my sissy clit.
Friday, January 21, 2011
We want to hear from you. Yes YOU!
Writing this blog is a lot of fun for me and a great way to keep myself busy while Mistress keeps me in Chastity. However it would be great if if became a little bit more interactive. I would love to hear what you guys and gurls think about things. Comments are always appreciated and Mistress has even ordered me to ask that I solicit ideas for photos, tasks, punishments, etc. So if you've love to see me wear a certain outfit, play with a particular toy, or just have a cruel way Mistress can torture me I would love to hear it. Mistress monitors the blog as well so you can be sure that she will also see your ideas.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Clock update
As you may have noticed yesterday I added a timer to the top of the page so people can keep a tally of when the last time Mistress allowed me to cum. The initial time on the clock was incorrect, Mistress reminded me that it wasn't last Wednesday that I was allowed to cum but actually this past Monday. I'm not sure how I could forget being made to jerk off all over my stomach and then lick my hand clean but apparently I did and for that I apologize. The new clock is now accurate.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Unexpected change of plans
I've always been super submissive, almost to a fault sometimes. However every now and again I get the urge to switch roles and become dominant. I don't know if it's sort of a defense mechanism to make up for being such a sissy bitch the other 99.8% of the time I'm with Mistress or just a way to please my Mistress. You see, Mistress used to be very submissive herself and only recently begun to explore the darker, more dominant side of her sexual personality. On occasion I feel the need to provide her with what I think she was craving, a strong dominant man to control her sexually.
It definitely felt weird suddenly turning away from my basic nature of bowing at her feet to suddenly put on this act of being menacing and in control. It was rather apparent from the beginning that any chance of her feeling like a true sub before me was just not going to happen. It started with small things, like her telling me me we needed to maybe have a week or so of "vanilla" time between our normal practice of me serving her and this past weekend when she would attempt to be submissive to me once again. I suppose it hard to feel threatened by a man you only days before had dressed in a frilly pink satin sissy dress, begging you to find a larger cock to shove up his slut whore ass.
I tried my best, sending demanding email orders, degrading her by txt message. I almost thought it was working until this past Sunday when she basically laughed at my Dom screen name I had set up and belittled me with snide comments throughout the morning before we had planned to play. Then it only got worse, I told her flatly that I wanted her to eat lunch, have a drink with me and then we would begin. She had other ideas. We ate together then she said she was going into the bedroom to get some work done. Almost four hours later when I had worked up the nerve to go confront her I found her asleep on our bed. Obviously she was in mortal fear of my intimidating presence and would never do anything to disrespect me....
At this point a real man would have marched in there, grabbed her by the hair, slapped her awake and demanded the respect a true Master was due. Instead I acted like a bratty little girl, didn't say a word and threw a hissy fit, basically curling up into a ball and sulking. More then anything, upset by the fact that maybe it was true, maybe I am just a sissy little bitch after all.
Fast forward to the following day. It was apparent that Mistress felt sorry for me and tried her best to put on an act and pretend like I was in charge. She graciously allowed me to tie her up, but I could see from the expression on her face that it wasn't the same. Her pussy didn't start leaking when I touched her, not like the way it did on previous occasions when she would recount stories of men who had truly dominated her before we had met. Perhaps it was the alcohol, but after a while all of that didn't matter anymore and I was actually starting to believe that she was powerless before me. That she was enjoying that fact that I was the dominant one for a change. It felt kind of good to tell you the truth, for a change not to be the one humiliated and degraded, totally ashamed of who you were.
Of course it didn't take long before things came crashing back to reality. Though out the day, when Mistress had been "good" as a submissive I would reward her by using a vibrator on her, etc. At this particular point in time I felt she had earned another reward, this time, allowing her to straddle my face in a 69 position so I could tongue her pussy. (Btw, notice how even when I'm the so called dominant I still either consciously or subconsciously exhibit sub tendencies like placing her ass on top of my face to orally please her as opposed to say having her lay on her back or for that matter not even bother to provide the submissive act of oral at all?). In a flash I felt her thighs lock tight like a vise around my head and her ass come crashing down on my face. I had never in a million years expected such a total rebuke of what little "authority" I thought I had. She continued to smother my face with her pussy while grinding her ass down with all of her might on me.
I struggled to free by myself but she wouldn't budge, she just rammed down harder on top of me, suffocating me more ferociously with each passing second. In a panic I managed to reach out and tap her thigh, the signal that I was short on air and about to pass out. I freaked as instead she just kept grinding her pussy down on my face harder and harder. It was only at the very last possible second did she finally lift up. Barely allowing me to catch a short breath of air before her beautiful ass slammed down again to smother me once more.
This continued for a while, at an intensity level she had never even come close to approaching before.
She didn't have to say a word, the meaning was clear. *She* had finished playing and the "game" was now over. It was back to the way things were supposed to be, her sissy cowering before her, anxious to serve and pleasure her as she saw fit.
If Mistress did say anything immediately after that brutal face smothering I can honestly say I didn't hear them. I was in such a daze, no not a daze, but more precisely enveloped in a feeling of being free, of knowing where I belonged and joyous in my renewed servitude to my Mistress. All I remember after that are donning the thigh high pink boots Mistress bought me for Christmas and snuggling up next to her. I was "home" once again...
It definitely felt weird suddenly turning away from my basic nature of bowing at her feet to suddenly put on this act of being menacing and in control. It was rather apparent from the beginning that any chance of her feeling like a true sub before me was just not going to happen. It started with small things, like her telling me me we needed to maybe have a week or so of "vanilla" time between our normal practice of me serving her and this past weekend when she would attempt to be submissive to me once again. I suppose it hard to feel threatened by a man you only days before had dressed in a frilly pink satin sissy dress, begging you to find a larger cock to shove up his slut whore ass.
I tried my best, sending demanding email orders, degrading her by txt message. I almost thought it was working until this past Sunday when she basically laughed at my Dom screen name I had set up and belittled me with snide comments throughout the morning before we had planned to play. Then it only got worse, I told her flatly that I wanted her to eat lunch, have a drink with me and then we would begin. She had other ideas. We ate together then she said she was going into the bedroom to get some work done. Almost four hours later when I had worked up the nerve to go confront her I found her asleep on our bed. Obviously she was in mortal fear of my intimidating presence and would never do anything to disrespect me....
At this point a real man would have marched in there, grabbed her by the hair, slapped her awake and demanded the respect a true Master was due. Instead I acted like a bratty little girl, didn't say a word and threw a hissy fit, basically curling up into a ball and sulking. More then anything, upset by the fact that maybe it was true, maybe I am just a sissy little bitch after all.
Fast forward to the following day. It was apparent that Mistress felt sorry for me and tried her best to put on an act and pretend like I was in charge. She graciously allowed me to tie her up, but I could see from the expression on her face that it wasn't the same. Her pussy didn't start leaking when I touched her, not like the way it did on previous occasions when she would recount stories of men who had truly dominated her before we had met. Perhaps it was the alcohol, but after a while all of that didn't matter anymore and I was actually starting to believe that she was powerless before me. That she was enjoying that fact that I was the dominant one for a change. It felt kind of good to tell you the truth, for a change not to be the one humiliated and degraded, totally ashamed of who you were.
Of course it didn't take long before things came crashing back to reality. Though out the day, when Mistress had been "good" as a submissive I would reward her by using a vibrator on her, etc. At this particular point in time I felt she had earned another reward, this time, allowing her to straddle my face in a 69 position so I could tongue her pussy. (Btw, notice how even when I'm the so called dominant I still either consciously or subconsciously exhibit sub tendencies like placing her ass on top of my face to orally please her as opposed to say having her lay on her back or for that matter not even bother to provide the submissive act of oral at all?). In a flash I felt her thighs lock tight like a vise around my head and her ass come crashing down on my face. I had never in a million years expected such a total rebuke of what little "authority" I thought I had. She continued to smother my face with her pussy while grinding her ass down with all of her might on me.
I struggled to free by myself but she wouldn't budge, she just rammed down harder on top of me, suffocating me more ferociously with each passing second. In a panic I managed to reach out and tap her thigh, the signal that I was short on air and about to pass out. I freaked as instead she just kept grinding her pussy down on my face harder and harder. It was only at the very last possible second did she finally lift up. Barely allowing me to catch a short breath of air before her beautiful ass slammed down again to smother me once more.
This continued for a while, at an intensity level she had never even come close to approaching before.
She didn't have to say a word, the meaning was clear. *She* had finished playing and the "game" was now over. It was back to the way things were supposed to be, her sissy cowering before her, anxious to serve and pleasure her as she saw fit.
If Mistress did say anything immediately after that brutal face smothering I can honestly say I didn't hear them. I was in such a daze, no not a daze, but more precisely enveloped in a feeling of being free, of knowing where I belonged and joyous in my renewed servitude to my Mistress. All I remember after that are donning the thigh high pink boots Mistress bought me for Christmas and snuggling up next to her. I was "home" once again...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Shopping Humiliation
In the privacy of our home or the safety of a scene friendly location (fetish ball, goth night, etc) I love dressing up as a sissy or whore. However walking into say, Target, with a micro mini skirt, platform heels, slutty makeup, etc is a bit terrifying. Ok, kind of hot too, but let's not get into that right now. As I was saying, the danger and humiliation of doing things like that in the general public is rather scary to me to put it mildly. Of course Mistress knows this and takes full advantage of it on a regular basis.
For example, the other day she gave me a simple enough task, I have a cute white bustier top that's accented with hot pink trimming and connected by white lace in the front so it looks sort of like a corset. Mistress thought it would look better if the white lace was pink instead. So far it didn't sound like the task would be that hard to do, just run down to Michael's or AC Moore and pick up some pink ribbon. It's never that easy though. Mistress said she wanted an *exact* match on the color so therefore I would have to bring the bustier with me to the store and carefully compare the pink on the trim with the pink ribbon they had available in the store.
My first thought was that it's going to suck doing that because 1) I'll have to carry in women's lingerie into the store. 2) I'll have to in plain sight compare god knows how many ribbon samples to the bustier to get an exact match while the whole time having customers and sales clerks in the area watching me or asking if I need help.
To make it worse Mistress had one more twist to add in, I was required to wear bright, hot pink lip gloss the whole time. So even if I could pull off getting the ribbon rather discreetly the lip gloss would be hard to hide.
I was kind of freaked out by the time I got to Micheal's craft store but I knew there was no turning back, Mistress had ordered, as she always does, that I take pictures on my phone throughout the task so I would have proof that I actually did what I was supposed to. As I got near the sliding glass entrance doors an older lady was coming out. I walked by her quickly as I turned my head as if I was looking at something in the other direction. I dove down the first aisle I came across to catch my breath and relax for a minute. Almost immediately another women walked down the aisle toward me. I panicked and with my head down zoomed right by her. The next five minutes or so I spent avoiding people while trying to locate where the ribbon section was. By now I must have passed or walked by 4-5 different customers and nobody had yet seen anything.
I almost started to kind of relax when I nearly walked into an attractive soccer mom type women who looked at me and recognized what I was wearing on my lips. She didn't say anything but had a weird look on her face as we both quickly headed in opposite directions. I cringed in shame as I darted over to the ribbon section which I only now saw was directly in the middle of the wedding section. Perfect.
Thankfully, and I got really lucky on this, the ribbon aisle was totally empty so I was able to pull out the bustier from my hoodie pocket and compare it to the ribbon they had for sale. My luck was holding out because they really only had 3-4 pink ribbons in the size I needed. One was way too light, the other too dark so I only had to match up the bustier between the two remaining ones. Luckily I found a good match, put the bustier away and headed for the cashier after snapping a couple of pics of myself and the ribbon. I kept my head down and bit my lip in a vain attempt to hide my shame from the cashier as I paid for the ribbon. Either she didn't see it or didn't care but she made no comments or weird looks as she rang me up.
My heart raced as I snatched the receipt from her and headed back out to the safety of my car. I was done, and I had the photos to prove it. This embarrassing episode was over and while I didn't feel all that turned on during things, I did notice a wetness from precum forming in my underwear. Fear and pleasure mixing together? Perhaps Mistress knows me better then I thought...
For example, the other day she gave me a simple enough task, I have a cute white bustier top that's accented with hot pink trimming and connected by white lace in the front so it looks sort of like a corset. Mistress thought it would look better if the white lace was pink instead. So far it didn't sound like the task would be that hard to do, just run down to Michael's or AC Moore and pick up some pink ribbon. It's never that easy though. Mistress said she wanted an *exact* match on the color so therefore I would have to bring the bustier with me to the store and carefully compare the pink on the trim with the pink ribbon they had available in the store.
My first thought was that it's going to suck doing that because 1) I'll have to carry in women's lingerie into the store. 2) I'll have to in plain sight compare god knows how many ribbon samples to the bustier to get an exact match while the whole time having customers and sales clerks in the area watching me or asking if I need help.
To make it worse Mistress had one more twist to add in, I was required to wear bright, hot pink lip gloss the whole time. So even if I could pull off getting the ribbon rather discreetly the lip gloss would be hard to hide.
I was kind of freaked out by the time I got to Micheal's craft store but I knew there was no turning back, Mistress had ordered, as she always does, that I take pictures on my phone throughout the task so I would have proof that I actually did what I was supposed to. As I got near the sliding glass entrance doors an older lady was coming out. I walked by her quickly as I turned my head as if I was looking at something in the other direction. I dove down the first aisle I came across to catch my breath and relax for a minute. Almost immediately another women walked down the aisle toward me. I panicked and with my head down zoomed right by her. The next five minutes or so I spent avoiding people while trying to locate where the ribbon section was. By now I must have passed or walked by 4-5 different customers and nobody had yet seen anything.
I almost started to kind of relax when I nearly walked into an attractive soccer mom type women who looked at me and recognized what I was wearing on my lips. She didn't say anything but had a weird look on her face as we both quickly headed in opposite directions. I cringed in shame as I darted over to the ribbon section which I only now saw was directly in the middle of the wedding section. Perfect.
Thankfully, and I got really lucky on this, the ribbon aisle was totally empty so I was able to pull out the bustier from my hoodie pocket and compare it to the ribbon they had for sale. My luck was holding out because they really only had 3-4 pink ribbons in the size I needed. One was way too light, the other too dark so I only had to match up the bustier between the two remaining ones. Luckily I found a good match, put the bustier away and headed for the cashier after snapping a couple of pics of myself and the ribbon. I kept my head down and bit my lip in a vain attempt to hide my shame from the cashier as I paid for the ribbon. Either she didn't see it or didn't care but she made no comments or weird looks as she rang me up.
My heart raced as I snatched the receipt from her and headed back out to the safety of my car. I was done, and I had the photos to prove it. This embarrassing episode was over and while I didn't feel all that turned on during things, I did notice a wetness from precum forming in my underwear. Fear and pleasure mixing together? Perhaps Mistress knows me better then I thought...
Monday, January 3, 2011
Tortures and Tasks
My sissy little head is filled with so much I want to talk about today that I hardly know where to start. My chastity has been in effect again for a while now and it's taking a toll. I'm in constant state of arousal nearly around the clock as my cock throbs for relief and all Mistress does is tease, torture, and deny me any release what so ever. Her new favorite way to mess with my head is allow me a few drinks, which always makes me 10x more horny and excited, then as we sip on them she'll let me know that while I won't be able to cum that night, I will at least be allowed some minor relief either by letting me masturbate, allowing me to dry hump her leg through my clothes, or if I've been very good, she will lube up my cock and stroke me a few times. Unfortunately, I have to wait patiently and calmly at her side for hours as we watch TV, she totally relaxed and comfortable, me going out of my mind in anticipation as my tiny cock leaks pre-cum all over myself.
Even when she does use her hand on me she makes it pure mental and physical torture. She will alternate between roughly slapping my cock, very lightly masturbating me with just her fingertips around the head and shaft of my cock, and a regular grip which feels the best. It's a constant cycle of pain, teasing, and pleasure that causes me to nearly cum after just a few times. It's horribly vicious and gets me in such a state of horrible craving to cum that she can make me say or do anything she desires. I become putty in her hand, degrading myself in any manner she sees fit, just on the outside hope that she'll masturbate me long enough to actually orgasm.
I hope that tonight is more of the same but it doesn't appear that my cock will get much attention at all. The reason is that Mistress has assigned me to setup the following items for her return later tonight - black bondage bag, bondage mittens, leather hood, ear plugs, and a diaper. I will be bound and kept in a state of sensory deprivation directly beside her on the bed. So while she's enjoying a movie, reading a book, painting her nails, or whatever else she decides to do, I'll be immobile, helpless, and sexually frustrated right next to her. I'll be treated like an inanimate object, devoid of any needs or concern while she goes about relaxing and making the most of her free time.
I'm not exactly sure how tonight is going to go, being completely bound in such an extreme manner for what could be up to 12 hours is a bit scary, especially if Mistress gets bored and decides to "play" with me any some point during the night. The whole diaper thing is another issue. Mistress can't be bothered to pay attention to me while I'm in her restraints so she flat out said that I would be unable to be released to urinate if I had too, therefore the use of the diaper would come into play.
Now I'm not all that into adult baby stuff but the thought of being forced to wear that diaper both frightens and strangely turns me on. The obvious fear is of having her see me wear a diaper, it's very humiliating, and then of course I worry about just how "protective" the diaper will really be. There's not much I can do about the first concern, Mistress loves fucking with my head so the diaper will naturally be a source of ridicule, but I think I hopefully have the second problem under control. I went to Walmart and bought male protective insert guards. Btw, I'm not even going to get into how embarrassing it was to buy those when the store is crowded, the checkout lane was packed, and the cute cashier was giving me funny looks.
Anyway, as I was saying, the inserts look like female maxi pads that are placed in the front of the diaper to provide additional absorption. So I hope that by using two of the diapers with the addition of one of those guards in the first one, I should be ok.
Why does being forced to wear diapers turn me on you may ask? I think because it plays into a fundamental part of who you are as an adult. Being able to control yourself and not "wet" yourself is the first big step into becoming an adult, you are no longer a baby but a growing child. Also, going to the bathroom is something that normally only you control. You choose when you want to pee just like you choose what you want to eat, what you want to wear, and every other similar decision that an adult makes on a daily basis without giving it all that much thought. When someone takes this away from you, it takes away an inherent feeling of control and power and furthermore embarrasses and humiliates you, which drops you down even lower. It attacks your pride, your feelings of self worth, and is a very effective tool to break down a stubborn slave.
As usual though, what ever happens tonight Mistress wins again. If everything goes great and the extended bondage is a huge turn on, she wins because once again I've been driven to the brink of orgasm only to be left devoid of any sexual release. At worst, I hate it, the diaper is a huge turn off and she wins again, I'm still left sexually frustrated but now I've been humiliated beyond belief in front of her, and I suffer while she revels in my agony and despair, my mind, body, and soul pushed that much closer to complete and total submission at her feet.
Even when she does use her hand on me she makes it pure mental and physical torture. She will alternate between roughly slapping my cock, very lightly masturbating me with just her fingertips around the head and shaft of my cock, and a regular grip which feels the best. It's a constant cycle of pain, teasing, and pleasure that causes me to nearly cum after just a few times. It's horribly vicious and gets me in such a state of horrible craving to cum that she can make me say or do anything she desires. I become putty in her hand, degrading myself in any manner she sees fit, just on the outside hope that she'll masturbate me long enough to actually orgasm.
I hope that tonight is more of the same but it doesn't appear that my cock will get much attention at all. The reason is that Mistress has assigned me to setup the following items for her return later tonight - black bondage bag, bondage mittens, leather hood, ear plugs, and a diaper. I will be bound and kept in a state of sensory deprivation directly beside her on the bed. So while she's enjoying a movie, reading a book, painting her nails, or whatever else she decides to do, I'll be immobile, helpless, and sexually frustrated right next to her. I'll be treated like an inanimate object, devoid of any needs or concern while she goes about relaxing and making the most of her free time.
I'm not exactly sure how tonight is going to go, being completely bound in such an extreme manner for what could be up to 12 hours is a bit scary, especially if Mistress gets bored and decides to "play" with me any some point during the night. The whole diaper thing is another issue. Mistress can't be bothered to pay attention to me while I'm in her restraints so she flat out said that I would be unable to be released to urinate if I had too, therefore the use of the diaper would come into play.
Now I'm not all that into adult baby stuff but the thought of being forced to wear that diaper both frightens and strangely turns me on. The obvious fear is of having her see me wear a diaper, it's very humiliating, and then of course I worry about just how "protective" the diaper will really be. There's not much I can do about the first concern, Mistress loves fucking with my head so the diaper will naturally be a source of ridicule, but I think I hopefully have the second problem under control. I went to Walmart and bought male protective insert guards. Btw, I'm not even going to get into how embarrassing it was to buy those when the store is crowded, the checkout lane was packed, and the cute cashier was giving me funny looks.
Anyway, as I was saying, the inserts look like female maxi pads that are placed in the front of the diaper to provide additional absorption. So I hope that by using two of the diapers with the addition of one of those guards in the first one, I should be ok.
Why does being forced to wear diapers turn me on you may ask? I think because it plays into a fundamental part of who you are as an adult. Being able to control yourself and not "wet" yourself is the first big step into becoming an adult, you are no longer a baby but a growing child. Also, going to the bathroom is something that normally only you control. You choose when you want to pee just like you choose what you want to eat, what you want to wear, and every other similar decision that an adult makes on a daily basis without giving it all that much thought. When someone takes this away from you, it takes away an inherent feeling of control and power and furthermore embarrasses and humiliates you, which drops you down even lower. It attacks your pride, your feelings of self worth, and is a very effective tool to break down a stubborn slave.
As usual though, what ever happens tonight Mistress wins again. If everything goes great and the extended bondage is a huge turn on, she wins because once again I've been driven to the brink of orgasm only to be left devoid of any sexual release. At worst, I hate it, the diaper is a huge turn off and she wins again, I'm still left sexually frustrated but now I've been humiliated beyond belief in front of her, and I suffer while she revels in my agony and despair, my mind, body, and soul pushed that much closer to complete and total submission at her feet.
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