My sissy little head is filled with so much I want to talk about today that I hardly know where to start. My chastity has been in effect again for a while now and it's taking a toll. I'm in constant state of arousal nearly around the clock as my cock throbs for relief and all Mistress does is tease, torture, and deny me any release what so ever. Her new favorite way to mess with my head is allow me a few drinks, which always makes me 10x more horny and excited, then as we sip on them she'll let me know that while I won't be able to cum that night, I will at least be allowed some minor relief either by letting me masturbate, allowing me to dry hump her leg through my clothes, or if I've been very good, she will lube up my cock and stroke me a few times. Unfortunately, I have to wait patiently and calmly at her side for hours as we watch TV, she totally relaxed and comfortable, me going out of my mind in anticipation as my tiny cock leaks pre-cum all over myself.
Even when she does use her hand on me she makes it pure mental and physical torture. She will alternate between roughly slapping my cock, very lightly masturbating me with just her fingertips around the head and shaft of my cock, and a regular grip which feels the best. It's a constant cycle of pain, teasing, and pleasure that causes me to nearly cum after just a few times. It's horribly vicious and gets me in such a state of horrible craving to cum that she can make me say or do anything she desires. I become putty in her hand, degrading myself in any manner she sees fit, just on the outside hope that she'll masturbate me long enough to actually orgasm.
I hope that tonight is more of the same but it doesn't appear that my cock will get much attention at all. The reason is that Mistress has assigned me to setup the following items for her return later tonight - black bondage bag, bondage mittens, leather hood, ear plugs, and a diaper. I will be bound and kept in a state of sensory deprivation directly beside her on the bed. So while she's enjoying a movie, reading a book, painting her nails, or whatever else she decides to do, I'll be immobile, helpless, and sexually frustrated right next to her. I'll be treated like an inanimate object, devoid of any needs or concern while she goes about relaxing and making the most of her free time.
I'm not exactly sure how tonight is going to go, being completely bound in such an extreme manner for what could be up to 12 hours is a bit scary, especially if Mistress gets bored and decides to "play" with me any some point during the night. The whole diaper thing is another issue. Mistress can't be bothered to pay attention to me while I'm in her restraints so she flat out said that I would be unable to be released to urinate if I had too, therefore the use of the diaper would come into play.
Now I'm not all that into adult baby stuff but the thought of being forced to wear that diaper both frightens and strangely turns me on. The obvious fear is of having her see me wear a diaper, it's very humiliating, and then of course I worry about just how "protective" the diaper will really be. There's not much I can do about the first concern, Mistress loves fucking with my head so the diaper will naturally be a source of ridicule, but I think I hopefully have the second problem under control. I went to Walmart and bought male protective insert guards. Btw, I'm not even going to get into how embarrassing it was to buy those when the store is crowded, the checkout lane was packed, and the cute cashier was giving me funny looks.
Anyway, as I was saying, the inserts look like female maxi pads that are placed in the front of the diaper to provide additional absorption. So I hope that by using two of the diapers with the addition of one of those guards in the first one, I should be ok.
Why does being forced to wear diapers turn me on you may ask? I think because it plays into a fundamental part of who you are as an adult. Being able to control yourself and not "wet" yourself is the first big step into becoming an adult, you are no longer a baby but a growing child. Also, going to the bathroom is something that normally only you control. You choose when you want to pee just like you choose what you want to eat, what you want to wear, and every other similar decision that an adult makes on a daily basis without giving it all that much thought. When someone takes this away from you, it takes away an inherent feeling of control and power and furthermore embarrasses and humiliates you, which drops you down even lower. It attacks your pride, your feelings of self worth, and is a very effective tool to break down a stubborn slave.
As usual though, what ever happens tonight Mistress wins again. If everything goes great and the extended bondage is a huge turn on, she wins because once again I've been driven to the brink of orgasm only to be left devoid of any sexual release. At worst, I hate it, the diaper is a huge turn off and she wins again, I'm still left sexually frustrated but now I've been humiliated beyond belief in front of her, and I suffer while she revels in my agony and despair, my mind, body, and soul pushed that much closer to complete and total submission at her feet.