Monday, October 31, 2011

Needing more

It's another Monday morning. Miss H is off to work and instead of being productive like I should, I'm sitting here on my laptop. Doing a few things for work, but mainly just trying to calm myself down a bit. I'm not upset or anything, simply still stuck in sexual overdrive from an unrelenting three days of amazing tease and denial from my lovely Mistress. You'd think that after three days of pretty much continuous dressing and painfully unproductive hand jobs I'd be dying for a break. No such luck. I'm hornier now then I ever. Miss H left before me this morning so while I was getting ready to take a shower she txted me saying that I needed to get the cage on right away. She knew I was still all worked up and was worried that I might cheat and touch myself with out her permission. I responded that as soon as I was out of the shower I would.

Normally it's a about a 50/50 shot that she'll allow me to masturbate if I ask her respectfully and she feels I deserve it. I didn't think she would this morning after how generous she had been this weekend, but much to my surprise and excitement she said yes. I was allowed three minutes to rub myself and then stop. Being allowed to orgasm was of course out of the question. I enthusiastically thanked her and went about stroking myself. She sent a few more txts, berating me about how pathetic I was and how I wouldn't even need the entire three minutes to edge myself. She was right on both counts, it took a grand total of 29 seconds to go from totally soft to having to stop so I wouldn't cum. In my defense though, I haven't cum in weeks and this past weekend was particularly tough, I can't even count how many times Miss H edged me to the point of orgasm only to stop at the last possible second. So saying I was on a hair trigger because of all her teasing and denial is an understatement at best.

When my three minutes were up, and they were up way to fast, I reluctantly pulled my hand away and let out about the most depressing sigh I could muster. That little bit of attention, although extremely nice, only made matters worse. It had increased, not subdued, my sexual needs. I thought about txting Miss H again asking her for more time but the chances of that were about slim to none, and more then likely it would piss her off enough to punish me in some other way ( wear nail polish to go shopping, watch gay porn, wear a bra underneath my clothes to work tomorrow, etc) so I relented.

I did try something else however. I knew Mistress wouldn't allow me to do something that was totally pleasurable for me, but she would often times allow me a similar "reward" if I matched it with something humiliating or degrading. My first choice would obviously be to masturbate more but using a butt plug would at least give me some pleasure and Miss H would be more inclined to allow that. I had asked for just being able to use it for a few minutes to grind down on. Mistress agreed to the plug but said that it would need to stay in for the next two and half hours. Furthermore this wasn't an option any longer, the plug was going in whether I wanted it in that long or not. As you can see, Miss H has a tendency to take a mild task and make it much more brutal.

The pictures are a little grainy due to the lighting and angle I had to use in my bathroom, but as you can see, the plug is in. It's been in for almost two hours now and isn't too bad. When I first put it in it felt amazing, I love the feeling of being so full. Now though, I wouldn't say it's sore, but it's mildly uncomfortable, probably due to the fact I've been walking around and doing a few chores with it in. For what ever reason, Miss H and I haven't done much anal training recently so where as I used to be able to keep it in much longer, I lost practice so to speak with it. Apparently the moral of this story is be careful what you wish for, because you just might get more then you bargained for ;)

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Another fun night of kink

It's been a good weekend, Miss H and I have been pretty much obligation free this whole weekend so for the most part we've relaxed during the day and slid into the kink by early evening. A drink or two to chill, some crap reality TV show on in the background is how it starts and before long I'm pulling stockings up my legs and begging like a little bitch for relief as the non-stop onslaught of teasing by Miss H kicks into high gear.

In most instances, when we have time to play it's either very "choreographed" ahead of time or completely spur of the moment. By choreographed I simply mean that Miss H will have a list of items she wants laid out and preparations made. Things like attach the chains and straps to the bed, wear a certain outfit when you get out of the shower, etc. The spur of the moment stuff is just that, out of nowhere she'll just order me to get dressed, or insert a butt plug before we go to Wawa, or something along those lines. Both have their advantages, I like the choreagraphed because we're more likely to delve into our frighteningly extensive toy box, while the sudden and unexpected thrill of an unexpected mind fuck is always fun.

Last night was a bit of a tweener, we didn't really have anything concrete in mind yet Miss H told me to go pull out a few toys I wanted to use and put on a my silver dress and white stockings and wait for her while she showered. She didn't seem like she was in the mood for any bondage type fun so instead of the hood, bondage bag, and the like, I went with my ankle high ballet boots, a pair of nipple clamps, and a double sided dildo gag in case she wanted penetration more then the twenty seconds I could provide. 

I didn't take any pics of the clamps or gag because we never got around to using them, but as you can see, the boots make it an absolute pisser to walk. I could do it, but only by concentrating and taking my time, and more then once grabbing hold of some furniture so I wouldn't fall. Oh well, I guess practice makes perfect so I'll have to keep trying. Although if my hands were bound I don't think I would walk in them, to scared I would fall, so in that case I would probably just have to crawl.

 I finished a small project I have due for work this week early, as in about twenty minutes ago, so it looks like tonight will be more of the same. I was hoping Miss H and I would have some time but she was rather tired today so I didn't want to push anything, so when she said I would be allowed to watch the Eagles game tonight as long as I was dressed, I was pretty psyched. It still feels kind of weird to be dressed while watching football, talk about polar opposites, but it's a small price to pay to feel Miss H's firm grip around me once more.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Why does this get me off?

Last night was one of the most intense and enjoyable evenings of kink I've ever spent with Miss H. On the surface it wasn't anything overly crazy or risky. It was just me dressed and the two of us laying under the covers together. For literally hours she had me alternately dry humping her leg or writhing in ecstasy as she stroked me over and over again, the whole time slowly and deliberately telling me in detail how much of a whore I was and what she planned to do to me in the future.

While I always go nuts when she talks dirty to me, last night it was at a whole new level. Venturing ever deeper in areas we've talked about before. Things like extreme cuckolding, forced bi, and numerous other things that were causing me to leak like a fire hose. The more she whispered her ideas into my ear, the more I groaned for her touch. I was both hyper excited and turned on while at the same time frustrated beyond all belief. Yet somehow the two opposite feelings were both so intense that they soon started to meld into one wave of pure sexual lust. Every word got me harder, every sensation, that much closer to almost cumming.
It was a beautiful state of being, an extended period of desire and pleasure that felt so much better than the fleeting joy of an orgasm.

I honestly think I enjoy the buildup and hold of extended tease and denial then the sudden release and loss of sexual desire from an orgasm. I still want to cum, but now it's more because I want to clear my head for a bit and take a break from the all consuming sexual drive and frustration of chastity then to get the brief high of cumming.

Anyway, as I was saying before, Miss H was going hard and heavy on the dirty talk and verbal abuse. At one point she made me orally service her while she masturbated herself. As she neared her orgasm she said "tell me what you are". That's her signal for me to begin degrading myself in front of her. To provide that little extra "oomph" to push her over the edge and come to a screaming orgasm. "I'm your little sissy bitch Mistress, your fucking whore. Your cross dressing cum licker", I grunted as two of my fingers rammed in and out of her. She groaned and with a yell reached a quaking orgasm.

She caught her breath and a few moments later as I pulled myself up next to her she sat up. "Wow, that was the first time in a while I had an orgasm strictly from what was going on physically. Usually I have a fantasy or something going through my mind but this time it was purely from what I was feeling. That was pretty cool", she said. Her tone was much different now, not the hard, domineering voice of earlier when she was calling me a useless little sissy, but her more typical day to day tone. This wasn't a comment she made with the explicit purpose of degrading me like before, it was just a matter of fact statement. Like we were discussing where to go for dinner or something.

At first it really hurt to hear her say that. It hurt to hear the woman you love say she has to think about other things to get off. I might dress like a slut but there is still a part of my manly pride that wants to hear that I satisfy her sexually. I was going to say something to her about it but then I noticed my own body had betrayed me. That previously soft cock was now rock hard and dripping once more. As much as I wanted to deny it, the evidence was readily apparent and pulsing in front of me. I loved the feeling of humiliation and shame that I felt when she said that. It's hard to explain why, but the more I'm degraded, humiliated, and dehumanized by her, the more I get turned on sexually and want to be with her.

The sting of her words, even though they were unintentional, was like electricity flowing through me. The fact that they were pure and honest, and not something just said in the heat of fantasy only made it that much worse/better.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


I'm sitting out in our backyard right now. Home a bit early from work today and just enjoying the peace and serenity back here. A pleasant change of pace from an already long work week. It's kind of funny, there are only a few things that ever make me this calm and recharge me mentally, being out in my garden like i am now and dressing. One is supposed to be so relaxing and the other so highly sexual but they both fill a need like not much else can.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

My latest diaper humiliation

Personally I've never had a problem with going food shopping. It's one of the household chores I do that I actually kind of enjoy. Miss H on the other hand tends to look at it just like any other task around the house, something that must be done but not something she looks forward to. I mentioned to Miss H that we were running low on food and that I was going to head out to the store to get a few things. Much to my surprise she said she would go with me, just not that night. She said she would prefer to go the following day because she had a few matters to take care of first. I bitched a bit under my breath about how it would be easier to go now then wait but she would have none of it.

I probably should have noticed how calm and relaxed Miss H was, normally when I get snippy and talk back she immediately rectifies the situation, this time she didn't even really mention it at all. Last night when I got home we ate dinner and then prepared to head out to the food store to do our shopping. I walked into the bedroom to grab the hoodie I had left in the closet and saw Miss H get changed into a pair of jeans. "oh, by the way, you'll probably want to get changed, you'll be diapered for our trip", she said without missing a beat. "what?" I shot back indignently. "You heard me, if you want to have an attitude about things then you'll recieve the appropriate punishment. Now hurry up, I don't have all night, make sure you're nice and padded", she said as she walked out of the room. Wasn't much I could really do other then let out a quick sigh under my breath and do what she wanted.

I headed over to the other closest and brought out what would be that night's instruments of shame - a regular pull-up diaper, a thick bulky overnight diaper, one male "booster" insert, and the pair of adult plastic panties. It was only a minute or two before I had everything on

Usually when Miss H diapers me its underneath a dress or with limited clothing on so wearing it underneath a pair of pants is a feeling I haven't experienced in a while. Much more tight and compressed, especially with a belt pulled taught around them. It felt like I was smuggling a cantaloupe between my legs as the thickness and bulk of the diapers made me sort of waddle ever so slightly as I headed to the living room. Miss H merely slapped my crotch a few times, shook her head, and we left for what was no doubt going to be an interesting night of grocery shopping.

When we got there I was calm for the most part until we were half way to the entrance and we encountered some people walking out. Just an ordinary couple doing there shopping like we were, but I immediately felt like they knew what was going on. They glanced in our direction for all of two seconds but I instantly got panicked that maybe they noticed the bulge all around the top of my pants or that somehow they just knew. They could smell my fear and I might as well have been just wearing the diaper and nothing else.

After about five minutes in the store I relaxed a bit but Miss H noticed me constantly pulling the back of my t-shirt down, I never could shake the feeling that maybe it was riding up and someone could see the top of my diaper. Occasionally Miss H would loudly make a comment like "do you think any other adults are wearing diapers like you are?" She seemed to get some sick thrill by watching the horrified reaction that would shoot across my face. She also thought it would amusing to take this pic while we were walking down one of the aisles.

I don't think anyone realized what I was wearing, or at least no one overtly acted like they did. Before long we were finished and thankfully back into the safe haven of home. The rest of the day? Well that's a blog post for another day.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Her new game

It's funny how things work out. Weird coincidences that just happen to occur. Saturday night I was reading a blog, I honestly forget which one or I would give proper credit, that dealt with the Dom engaging in a quite devious method of tease and denial with her sub. Through out the day she would randomly go find him and out of the blue start stroking his cock. Never to completion mind you, just long enough to get him going then abruptly stopping. She would then leave and go back to what ever it was she was doing previously. She continued like this over and over again during the course of the day, keeping him in a constant state of arousal but never providing anything more than a fleeting touch of pleasure.

Fast forward to Sunday late morning. I'm laying out on the couch and relaxing, waiting for the onslaught of NFL games to begin when Miss H calmly walks in and over to the sofa. I figured she was just stopping in to see what I was up to. Instead her hand deftly made its way underneath my panties and she vigorously started jerking me off. All I could do was stare at her wide eyed and whimper like a little bitch as the feel of her fingers around got me instantly hard.  It took a grand total of perhaps 45 seconds before I had to almost violently jerk back away from her, the feel of an impending ejaculation rushing through me. She laughed to herself as she kept her arm extended, waiting for me to catch my breath and calm down. Soon I once again returned to her soft grip. That joy didn't last long, just as soon as she had started, she had now finished. With a kiss to my forehead she pulled up my panties once more and walked off. As I sat there in a ever growing puddle of of pre-cum I wasn't really sure why Miss H had done that but I was certainly happy she had.

I went back to watching TV as I could hear Miss H doing some computer work in the bedroom. When lunch time rolled around I went in to see if she was ready to eat. "Come here a second", she said as she motioned me over. When I got to the side of the bed she began rubbing her cock through the outside of my pants. I groaned with pleasure as she carefully pulled them down and started to stroke me. My pathetic lack of stamina was on full display as I almost came as soon as she touched me. I mean literally felt like I was about to cum and I wasn't even hard yet. It was a brutal game she was playing, the longer I could hold out the more she would stroke, yet each time I would pull away she would pay less and less attention to me. Eventually it got to the point where I was so horny that she couldn't even really touch me because I would have to pull back for fear of cumming without her permission. She seemed amused by my predicament but soon stopped anyway and told me to pull up my pants because it was lunch time.

The "mini handjobs" continued like this for the remainder of the day, every time we were in the same room I never knew if she was just walking by to do something totally ordinary or whether she would stop by and tease me with her hand. The anticipation was almost unbearable and the more I whined and begged for more, the more Miss H seemed to be enjoying herself by denying me. By the end of the night I was a wreck, just completely exhausted. Miss H had promised that if I was good all day she would give me a reward right before we went to bed, not an orgasm, but an extended session with her hand or at the very least the opportunity to dry hump her leg for a while as she read a magazine. Unfortunately for me, by the time we got close to bed I ended falling asleep next to her. Unsatisfied, dying for her touch, and wet.

I don't know if it was just chance that Miss H suddenly decided to start with this new continuous type of teasing or she had happened to read the same blog I did and try it out for herself. It doesn't much matter though, the end result was the same, she enjoyed herself while I was left to suffer.

Just the way we both like it.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Life at full speed.

This past weekend Miss H and I spent most of our time engaged in some much needed kink time. It's been a while since I've been able to dress as much as I would like to and just spend time with the woman I love. Things ended nicely with a much needed ruined orgasm. Much needed because she tease and denied the living hell out of me almost constantly from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. We also had a fun little shopping trip Sunday morning (more on that in an upcoming blog post) that was a nice change of pace as well.

The invariable drop in arousal after released kicked in for a little while after the ruined orgasm but was soon back. It's now Wednesday night and while I'm not quite as horny as I would expect, it has much more to do with just basically being tired as crap from a near constant onslaught of "daily life". From the minute I get back home from work, it's always something requiring every last bit of energy I have left. Add in to that the fact that work is just crazy busy as always, and you have a drained little sissy. It's like the mind is willing but the body is unable.

Enough complaining though, every body has a busy life so hearing me bitch about mine isn't doing anyone any good. That's why instead lets focus on something more intriguing like Halloween. My personal favorite holiday and just about the biggest holiday out there for other cross dressers, Halloween is fast approaching. I definitely want something new to wear this year so I've been checking out outfits online and really have to get into gear and order something before it's to late. Miss H and I will probably be attending the Henri David Halloween Ball in Center City Philly again this year which is always an amazing event and huge! If you've never been I highly recommend it.

Ok, I'm falling asleep at the keyboard so time to call it a night.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Photo time.

In a bit of a hurry today but I noticed a *ton* of pictures that I've had sitting on my phone for a while so I thought I'd share some with u. Hope u like them!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

No relief

Miss H hasn't touched her cock in days, she sometimes rubs me through my panties but that's about it. I'm not complaining though because last night was the first time in a while that I got to sleep without the CB6000 on. She was gracious enough to allow me to dry hump her leg and ass while she fell asleep however.

This morning she rolled over and allowed me the same privilege. This is the result, wet with precum, frustrated, and totally unable to focus on anything that isn't sexual.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

My next writing assignment.

Miss H was so pleased with the results of my first writing assignment that she has assigned another one. This time the topic is what I learned from being locked up for the past week. If you'll remember, last weekend Miss H was upset with my lackadaisical attitude regarding our FLR relationship. As a punishment she ordered me into the cage without a break for an entire week. Normally this wouldn't be to bad because usually when I'm locked up Miss H will still release me for short tease and denial sessions. This time the cage never once came off for even a minute. I was locked in tight.

Being teased and denied might seem like torture, but it's nothing compared to getting no contact what so ever.  At least with the teasing you get some enjoyment to go along with the non-stop sexual frustration, but with complete imprisonment, you don't even get that. It's just day after day of unending desire with nothing at all to break up the misery. To sum up, it sucked. Hard.

So what did I learn? Well for one thing, that's not an experience I want to endure again. Especially when the length of lock down would almost assuredly be longer the next time. I might not have the sexual freedom I did before we started the FLR, but what I have I don't want to give up again any time soon.  More importantly though, I think I learned that perhaps Miss H is 100% serious about wanting this for our permanent relationship. While I don't think I'll ever be absolutely positive about that (you can never see what's inside someones head after all), it was definitely a good sign. I'm always very self conscious about things and worry that a lot of what we do is actually her just trying to make me happy, so when she takes charge and does things which not only I dislike, but she likes, it's kind of reassuring to me.

The biggest lesson I learned however was that it takes two people to make this type of relationship really work. I can be as sub as possible but if she doesn't want to be Dom or vice versa then it's not going to work. Being a sub means being a sub at all times, not just when it sexually or emotionally suits me to be. If I was Dom then I would make the rules and act the way I wanted to, but that's not who I am, I take direction better then I give it which is why I naturally gravitate toward the sub role. And as a sub there's good and bad to deal with, but it's not my place to complain about what I don't like, because in the end, the sheer act of submission to Miss H is a reward in itself and more then makes up for what ever minor petty things I don't like.

It seems like 85% of the time I would do anything Miss H asked at the drop of the hat, the other 15% I kind of find myself in that non-horny, not that compliant mood and that's where the problems tend to stem from. My goal is to narrow that gap to the point where any order from Miss H is done without any back talk, complaints, or general hissy fit being thrown. That's not to say I'll ever be perfect at it, but making the effort is a good first step.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Writing assignment

Last night I awoke to the feeling of Miss H rubbing her hand down my inner thigh and gently caressing the outside of my cock cage. I whimpered as my attempt to get erect was quickly stopped in its tracks by the plastic tubing of the CB-6000. "I'll bet you wish you would have listened to me on Saturday and gotten the dog cage out for you like I asked, huh?" She whispered in my ear with a certain level of joy in her voice. "Just think, I could have been touching you instead right now if you would have simply remembered your place in this relationship and done what you were told". The pain in my groin was matched only by my desire for release, to be free and once again experience the pleasure of her hand against me.

"I want you to do something for me", she purred. "I want your next blog post to be about me, write about what your favorite part of my body is". "Yes, Mistress" I replied. With that she abruptly rolled over and I knew that was the end of things for tonight. So, my friends and fellow perverts, is exactly what I'll be doing right now.

Initially I thought this would be easy, I've always loved breasts and that's definitely one department that Miss H excels in. All of my former girlfriends, etc have always been in the small to almost medium category. Miss H on the other hand is just a touch under a double D. Her breasts are large, delicately soft, and 100% natural, with cute little nipples that make her moan with delight when I suck and play with them. I love it when she pushes my face between them and smothers me, forcefully holding my head from escaping as I gasp desperately for air. It's only when I start to go limp does she finally release me to catch some much needed air.

So my first thought was that her breasts were my favorite part until I saw her feet this morning when she was about to leave for work. Smooth, sexy feet, toes always painted, and a touch like silk. The thought of those cute toes working there way in and out of my mouth never fails to drive me wild. I eagerly worship her feet whether its the minute she walks in the door from a hard day at the job or to thank her for being my Mistress right before we drift off to bed together. Just thinking of the way she sometimes steps on me with her beautiful feet, trampling me beneath them, is making me groan softly to myself as I write this.

Next I thought I was wrong all along, it had to be her face. She is so beautiful in every conceivable manner. The way she smiles, the way she looks regardless of how she does her hair, she's just gorgeous. One minute she'll have her hair back in a pony tail and she looks like the prototypical cute, fun girl next door type. Then in an instant she's getting ready for work and looks every bit the part of the ball busting, sexy CEO you'd find in a movie.

When she walked out to her car I changed my mind once again. It was definitely her ass. I guess you could say Sir Mix A Lot and I have a lot in common.

Ok, well probably only one thing in common but still.... I do love some junk in the trunk and Miss H is amazing there too. Everything about it turns me on, grabbing it, licking it, squeezing it, you name it, it drives me insane. She bought a pair of black yoga pants a few months ago to wear as pajamas. They look great on her but we differ on whether or not they're the right size. She tells me that they're her normal size, I told her she should get them about three sized smaller, not because they're to loose, but because since she still has circulation in her legs that means they need to be tighter ;) How else am I going to fully appreciate that beautiful butt? She can't keep hiding it behind properly fit clothing, where's the fun in that?

That previous line was going to be my closing sentence in this post. Her ass was the winner, my post was finished and I was going to head out to take care of a few things. Then she sent me a txt message. A dirty txt message. A txt message that was totally unexpected but instantly got me all turned on. That's when it hit me, as beautiful, sexy, and downright amazing as Miss H's body is, it's her devious mind that I like the most. Having a sexy body is like having an expensive sports car. If you have a crappy driver behind the wheel then it doesn't matter how good the car is, things aren't going to go so well.

From the naughty messages she sends me while we're apart to the cruel tasks she makes me perform, it's the mind and spirit inside her body that always ends up turning me on the most. It just so happens that I'm lucky enough that she combines the best of both worlds into one complete package, a one of kind woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Cock lockdown.

Before I posted my last blog entry I emailed a copy to Miss H. She just seemed a bit off so I wanted to give her a chance to look at it and possibly provide an easy way to work into a discussion if she was in the mood to talk. She replied that she was glad I had written it because she was a whole hell of a lot more pissed about it then she had initially let on. She agreed with just about everything I said and mentioned how she was glad I finally realized how I was acting and how it was negatively impacting our FLR.

Yesterday afternoon I got out of the shower and walked over to say something to Miss H when she had a quizzical look on her face. "Where's your cage?" she asked. "Well I told you I forgot to put it on Saturday morning because we were running late then since I didn't take a shower till now I never got around to it. You know I put it on after I take a shower", I said defensively. The result was swift. "In the cage, now", was all she said. I was kind of taken back because not more than an hour previously she had told me that night would be a perfect opportunity for some "naked time" as she called it. "But I thought you said we were going to have some time for us tonight", I stammered. "We will, you'll just have that cock in cage until next weekend at least", was her reply.

That was not what I expected or wanted to hear because I was getting progressively hornier as the day moved along and Miss H was looking especially sexy, her yoga pants tight around every curve on her gorgeous legs. Not much to do other then to follow her orders, any further complaining was only going to make her more upset. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting out of this cage before the weekend. Even if Miss H does get a bit horny herself, I doubt she'll break down and let me out. This is not erotic teasing on her part, but instead simply punishment. It's a way to teach me a lesson, don't follow orders and she'll forget about touching me.

To show just how serious she was, last night in the middle of the night I woke up to her rubbing all around my cage and she began whispering all sorts of dirty thoughts into my ear. I instantly started getting hard, or at least tried to before the plastic tube of the CB-6000 shut me down. The pain of the attempted erection was bad but it didn't stop her. She kept going as I whimpered in a mix of pain and unimaginable desire. My pleas for release were met with a laugh as she continued for what seemed like at least fifteen minutes before suddenly stopping just as quickly as she started.  I lay there in bed, frustrated, dripping, and not looking forward to the next seven days.

Monday, October 3, 2011

An epiphany

I know, that's an overused term. People say it all the time. I get it. That's not going to stop me from saying it though because I really feel like I did have a sort of an epiphany or, if you insist, a bit of a revelation today. I was literally standing in the bathroom checking my phone to see if I had any new email. One thing led to another and before I knew it I was reading a blog entry over at All Mine, which is with out a doubt one of my favorite blogs that I consistently follow.

First though let me take a minute to get you up to speed with the last few days. Friday night Miss H was pleasing, or torturing me, depending on your point of view, with an extended tease and denial session. Time after time she stroked me to the very edge of orgasm only to stop right before I would cum. I was thrashing around, desperately trying to tighten up and prevent myself from orgasming as her hand never seemed to stop playing with me. She told me in excruciating detail how I was to set up our metal dog cage first thing Saturday morning because she had something in store for me on Sunday. She was going to be nice and let me watch the Eagles game but the catch was I would be naked in the cage with her cock tied securely to the bars behind me and my hands tied above me. A large water bottle (the kind you would have for a rabbit cage) would provide something for me to drink after she attached it to the side of the cage. No doubt there would be other tortures to come, but just those that she mentioned were enough to keep me dripping pre-cum in a constant flow.

Fast forward to Saturday morning. We were going to a wedding for one of Miss H's friend and we were a little bit late getting up. So were already running a bit behind when I realized I had forgotten to add oil to my car like I meant to the day before. I was long overdue for an oil change so when I checked the dipstick I was nearly empty. I didn't want to take a six hour roundtrip drive with no oil so we would have to make an additional stop on the way. Between that, getting up late, and some other minor issues, I was in such a rush I totally forgot to set up the cage like Miss H asked. To make matters worse, I also forgot to put my CB-6000 cock cage back on and lock it up.

We ended up getting to the wedding in time and everything went pretty well. During dinner Miss H made a subtle joke about being in the cage tomorrow. I responded sort of negatively to the idea, I wasn't really in the sub zone at that particular moment and I almost remembered that I needed to get a few things done for work on Sunday also so naked in a cage didn't sound as comfy as relaxing on the couch and getting my work done.
She looked kind of taken back by my reply and even more so when I told her that the cage wasn't a good idea.

We changed the subject and we didn't say much else about it for the rest of the night. The mood between us was still good for the most part but I soon forgot about the whole cage thing again until Sunday morning. I woke up before Miss H and walked out into the living room. I wasn't really sure what to do, should I go ahead and put up the cage anyway even though I wasn't super excited about the idea or just let it go because Miss H hadn't mentioned it again since last night. I decided on the latter and got started on my work. Miss H got up a few hours later and the day was for the most part uneventful. She didn't say anything about the cage or anything kinky for that matter.

Now back to my quasi-epiphany, I was reading this blog entry on All Mine and read the following -

"...Those are the rules, whether I'm halfway around the world or sick in bed.  What happened yesterday can be viewed as an isolated incident but is most likely an indicator of a bigger problem.  Where else is she cutting corners?

This isn't a lifestyle where you weave in and out of at your convenience.  That's not the way I want it.  It takes a 100% commitment. We've had this conversation before and admittedly, I've agreed that there will be times when living the lifestyle completely is difficult, and I'm totally understanding of that.  There are also times when I willfully cut sissy more slack and give her more free time.  Yesterday wasn't one of those times."

That's when it kind of hit me. To often I like to "play the role" when it suits me, when I'm horny or when I want to dress, and when I'm not in the mood, I tend to shut things down. When I'm horny, no amount of work projects can get in the way of me sucking on Miss H's toes, but when I'm not in the sub zone the slightest vanilla task becomes an insurmountable task that requires my undivided attention.
I constantly tell Miss H that I would love for her to be as cruel as she wants, to take full control over all aspects of our lives, to fully make me her submissive sissy bitch, yet get upset when she doesn't. Now I used to, very selfishly, assume the problem was Miss H wasn't being dominate enough. Sure, I was being bratty by not listening to her sometimes but that's only because she wasn't being strict enough to control me in the proper manner. 

Maybe it was the whole "I can't see the forest through the trees" type thing, but it wasn't until I read that passage from Suzanne that I realized it takes two to tango. A perfect Dom/sub relationship works when both parties are doing their respective jobs. A good slave is a slave that does what he or she is supposed to and that's please their Dom. If Miss H tells me to do a certain task I should do it regardless if she's standing over me with a whip and beating me senseless or simply at home by myself doing something she emailed me about last night. 

It should be a yin and yang type relationship where Miss H is there to provide guidance and correction when I need it and I'm there to please her. Like any machine, when one part isn't working properly, things don't run the way they should. There will no doubt be times (probably quite frequently) where Miss H will need to provide discipline or punishment for things I do but my only motivation shouldn't be to avoid punishments, the reward of serving her should be an equal if not greater push to do what's right. 

It won't necessarily be easy because as much as I love Miss H and want to see her satisfied, I personally get off sexually on her being cruel, completely controlling, and dishing out constant punishments and humiliations. I know I sound like a selfish prick and I do need to act much differently. I am however glad that at least I've finally realized that I do want a full 24/7 FLR relationship with Miss H and that's going to mean doing things when I'm not in the mood to and putting her wishes in front of my own in a lot of situations. I have to be proactive and be a good slave. If Miss H says do XYZ then that's what I need to do regardless if I can "get away with" not doing it or whether or not she's monitoring every little thing I do.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

The joys of being a diaper sissy pt. 2

To finish up my my previous post, soon after posting that I got another txt from Miss H telling me what was going to happen later that night. Any idea? You guessed it, diaper time. Not sure if Miss H had seen the post or it was just a random coincidence but she was dead set on seeing my little sissy ass diapered up and waddling from all the padding around my waist and between my legs. The only downside was that she insisted on the ugly nightgown and pantyhose to go with them. Finally being able to be trapped in diapers again though made it all worth it.

Naturally, it ended the same way it does every time Miss H diapers me, left all night leaking pre-cum in my diaper, desperate for relief, only to have her tease me about how much she like to touch me but can't because I'm all bundled up beneath those thick diapers. The next day forced to wake her in the morning and stand before he to ask permission to pee into my diaper while she just watches and shakes her head.

Miss H hasn't mentioned whether or not she's checked out the link I sent her yet. Probably she's just been busy and hasn't had a chance to yet. Hopefully she'll find a few things that interest her when she does ;)