Miss H was so pleased with the results of my first writing assignment that she has assigned another one. This time the topic is what I learned from being locked up for the past week. If you'll remember, last weekend Miss H was upset with my lackadaisical attitude regarding our FLR relationship. As a punishment she ordered me into the cage without a break for an entire week. Normally this wouldn't be to bad because usually when I'm locked up Miss H will still release me for short tease and denial sessions. This time the cage never once came off for even a minute. I was locked in tight.
Being teased and denied might seem like torture, but it's nothing compared to getting no contact what so ever. At least with the teasing you get some enjoyment to go along with the non-stop sexual frustration, but with complete imprisonment, you don't even get that. It's just day after day of unending desire with nothing at all to break up the misery. To sum up, it sucked. Hard.
So what did I learn? Well for one thing, that's not an experience I want to endure again. Especially when the length of lock down would almost assuredly be longer the next time. I might not have the sexual freedom I did before we started the FLR, but what I have I don't want to give up again any time soon. More importantly though, I think I learned that perhaps Miss H is 100% serious about wanting this for our permanent relationship. While I don't think I'll ever be absolutely positive about that (you can never see what's inside someones head after all), it was definitely a good sign. I'm always very self conscious about things and worry that a lot of what we do is actually her just trying to make me happy, so when she takes charge and does things which not only I dislike, but she likes, it's kind of reassuring to me.
The biggest lesson I learned however was that it takes two people to make this type of relationship really work. I can be as sub as possible but if she doesn't want to be Dom or vice versa then it's not going to work. Being a sub means being a sub at all times, not just when it sexually or emotionally suits me to be. If I was Dom then I would make the rules and act the way I wanted to, but that's not who I am, I take direction better then I give it which is why I naturally gravitate toward the sub role. And as a sub there's good and bad to deal with, but it's not my place to complain about what I don't like, because in the end, the sheer act of submission to Miss H is a reward in itself and more then makes up for what ever minor petty things I don't like.
It seems like 85% of the time I would do anything Miss H asked at the drop of the hat, the other 15% I kind of find myself in that non-horny, not that compliant mood and that's where the problems tend to stem from. My goal is to narrow that gap to the point where any order from Miss H is done without any back talk, complaints, or general hissy fit being thrown. That's not to say I'll ever be perfect at it, but making the effort is a good first step.