Waiting patiently.

I am just going absolutely crazy horny the past few days. The phrase, "the grass is always greener on the other side comes to mind", because now that I definitely can't have any sex at least for the next week or so due to the injury to the penis, it's all I seem to think about. For the first day or so I was so concerned that I had a blood clot or something that would end up killing me I didn't focus on the whole lack of sex thing that much. Now that I seem to be healed for the most part and just on some extended rest, I'm going stir crazy.

Not one to make the situation any easier Miss H decided to lay out on the bed wearing nothing more then a skimpy top and a pair of yoga pants which oh so accentuated her gorgeous ass. I couldn't help myself so I carefully walked up behind her and gently kissed her ass through the pants. She didn't object so I continued on, massaging her legs and kissing her ass before pulling the pants down and slowly working my tongue around and into her ass. This continued for a few more minutes until I just couldn't take it anymore and got up to walk away in order to calm down and relax. Miss H just laughed and went back to playing on her Kindle Fire. In my rush to get out of the bedroom I had forgotten to pull her pants back up, so when I walked past the door a short while later she was still there on the bed, pants still down and her ass just begging to be kissed and worshiped even more. I was soon back between her legs tonguing her while my hands ran the length of her body. I was dripping wet and dangerously close to going farther then I should so once again I stopped and retreated. Miss H paid me no mind and just kept on playing with her Kindle.

This repeated itself at least three or four more times before I had to just almost barricade myself in another room and turn on the Phillies game to try and cool off. I want more but I know I shouldn't. I keep telling myself to think of the big picture, I don't want to jeopardize what is an amazingly fast recovery of the penis, but the urges are just getting stronger and stronger. I'm actually getting kind of hungry and want to head into the kitchen for a snack but the sight of her on the bed is only going to start things up again. 

I really need to cum and blow off some of this pent up "energy"

 

The penis is broken.

Damn it.

God damn it.

God fucking damn it.

There, now I feel a bit better after venting. What was supposed to be a fun night this past weekend turned into yet another sex related injury. I'm either the most unlucky person on the planet when it comes to sex or just need to be a lot more careful. The night itself was great, dressing, masturbation, some actual intercourse (no orgasm of course), verbal abuse, cock and ball torture, and everything else I love. So far so good. Now jump ahead to the next morning, I wake up horny as hell and rock hard so I do a little stroking. As I'm doing it I start to notice that something doesn't feel right. I look down and on my penis it looks like a large vein popping from the side of the penis. Nothing super crazy but definitely raised which is strange because unlike some guys with huge veiny cocks, I'm very smooth in that regard so I've never had anything like that before.

It isn't painful, red, or warm so those were all good signs. When I wasn't erect it seemed to be much smaller, not at all visible from the surface but if I pushed slightly I could still feel it underneath the skin. I did a little research and what I initially thought was an enflamed blood vessel instead seems to be some irritation and/or blockage of a lymph channel. Unlike a blood clot type issue which would have the aforementioned symptoms and usually be painful if it was in the genital area, a lymph blockage seemed much more likely. Not to get all medical, but where as blood is pretty easily returned from extremities like the penis, lymph moves much more slowly, so when an area receives trauma it can pool up there and produce a "backup" which enlarges the area as looked to be the case with my injury.

I was freaking out because there didn't seem to be any real cure for the problem other then abstaining from masturbation and other sexual activity until your body cleared up the problem on it's on. The time frame for that to happen varied from a matter of days to months. Any "cheating" on the rest period would only slow the healing and most likely make it worse, making you just have to wait that much longer. You might think that somebody that has been in chastity for extended periods of time over the past year and a half wouldn't have much problem going a few weeks without any type of sex. You'd be wrong. Very wrong. I might not get to cum nor get played with nearly as much as I would like, but those times I do mean the world to me and I was more then a little concerned about possibly having to give that up for any length of time.

The good news though is that the wounded area has been slowly going going down over the past couple of days, to the point now where I can't even really feel it anymore. We're going to give it week to fully heal and then take it from there.

Tomorrow night.

As with virtually every other adult in the world, Miss H and I never seem to have enough time to spend together. Whether it's work, social obligations or just doing the laundry, we never have as much free time as we'd like to just chill out and have some good, dirty, kinky fun. The past week or two has been especially rough because I had a bunch of stuff I needed to do for work so that pretty much sucked up the entire weekend last week and the rest of the time was filled with everything else imaginable that kept us from really being together. The lack of kink time has had me alternating between frustrated (not the fun sexual kind either) and kind of bummed out. To be honest we did sneak in a quick bit of bondage fun last Saturday night but, selfishly perhaps, I'm dying for so much more.

That's why I'm so amped about Saturday night, nothing on the calendar except the two of us, maybe a few drinks, and hopefully a night of mind bending kink. I'm trying not to get to overly excited about it because I have a bad tendency to get so hyped up for upcoming events (a three day weekend, a new movie I've been waiting to see, etc) that no matter how good it ends up being, my expectations were so sky high that it ends up feeling like a huge disappointment. Then because I feel let down, I start looking ahead to the next big event and focusing on that, again ramping up the hype and continuing the cycle over and over again.

The other problem is that because we don't necessarily engage in as much kink/fetish play as I would like, when we do play it never seems enough. For instance, Miss H might do an amazing tease and denial session that will easily go for thirty minutes or even a whole hour. Mercilessly alternating between crushing verbal abuse and humiliation and teasing the cock with her hand. She'll end things and all I can do is beg for more. It seems like it's been five minutes but when I look at the clock it shocks me how long she's really been at it. She likes to say that when I'm in chastity there's no end for me. If we were a regular, vanilla couple, we would have sex and when I came, that would kind of be the signal that we were done. I'd be exhausted and done, Miss H would have a clear sign that the activities were over and that would be that. With tease and denial there really isn't and end until Miss H says so and at that point I'm at the ultimate peak of horniness so stopping seems like the worst torture imaginable so naturally I beg for more.

Hopefully things work out because I think both of us need a night to just relax, get turned on, enjoy each others company and connect again in a way we haven't in a long while. I'll fire up an update on the blog in the next few days to let you know how it went.

Busted

Sometimes its the smallest things that have the biggest impact. As I've written about many times before in this blog, I love sexual humiliation and verbal abuse. I'm not sure at what point in my life those synapses in my brain got crossed, but they did and things that probably should excite me in a sexual way now do. Degrading my manhood, humiliating me, belittling my penis size, etc all fire me up like few others things do. Now while I absolutely love this when it's Miss H and I in the privacy of our home, in public or with strangers it becomes more of a double edged sword. The turn on is still there and even magnified, but the actual humiliation of looking stupid in front of someone who doesn't get off on it just makes me cringe (I'm very self conscious so any bit of negative reaction from someone freaks me out).

Some of the best/worst experiences I've had sexually was when Miss H has made me do things like go out diapered in public. I'm sure nobody was the wiser as we walked around, but the fear that somebody did notice or might say something had me sweating bullets the whole time. It really ramps up the emotional aspect of your sex life and I both dread and wish for more of those experiences. Yesterday at work I had a little misadventure that would fit into that category nicely though.

Miss H and I managed to find some time to play this weekend so naturally, my nails were painted.  When I worked rolled around I took off the polish on my fingers before jumping into the shower that morning. There was still a tiny bit of polish I couldn't get off around my cuticles but that happens every time so I didn't think twice about it. The day started off normally enough, and was relatively boring for the majority of the day. Then at some point after lunch I was sitting around with a couple of co-workers just talking and killing time. Then out of nowhere a female friend has a weird look on her face and suddenly reaches out to grab my right hand. "What the hell?", she asks with an inquisitive tone in her voice. "You've got bright pink nail polish on!". All eyes are now on me and I get panicky. I freeze and try to act as nonchalant as possible and just kind of laugh under my breath like it's no big deal.

"Oh, that.", I stumble. "my fiancee thought it would be funny to play a joke on me and paint my nails last night. She was pissed I fell asleep during the movie we were watching so this is how she decided to get back at me", I blurted out at like a million miles an hour, doing my best to sound like it wasn't even worth talking about. There were some giggles and jokes about how hot pink was definitely my color, but thankfully they believed my explanation and basically just let it go without any more questions or drama. Our little group soon disbanded and while sitting there by myself I felt my heart racing and was super nervous but at the same time I felt a raging hard on beneath my panties. The humiliation of being embarrassed about something so feminine as wearing nail polish in front of all those strong, outgoing women, had totally done it for me in a sexual way.

As we were leaving for the day the one woman who had initially noticed the last bits of polish on my nails jokingly shouted, "next week you should come with me to my nail place. They do a great job and I'm sure they'll have a color you like!". I feigned disgust and laughed as I got in my car. Funny thing is that she had no idea how much I really wanted to take her up on that offer.

This morning.

I'm sitting here getting ready for work today and I have absolutely no motivation what so ever to actually get up and head in. All I want to do is be plugged, diapered, and wearing the most humiliating sissy outfit Miss H can choose for me. I don't want to deal with the paperwork and stress today. I just want to grind slowly against the inside of my diaper while the plug pushes in deeper with each thrust. The whole time hoping Mistress will allow me the pleasure of ruining my own orgasm for her amusement. But instead it looks like work is calling and it's time for me to go. Oh well, perhaps another day...