Friday, January 25, 2013

Better safe then sorry.

If you live anywhere near Pennsylvania then you've probably seen that public service commercial about gambling addiction. The one where the dad drives up to the casino with a car full of presents and balloons for his kids birthday and in a happy, upbeat mood, proudly announces he's going in for a few hands real quick. Fast forward a few hours and he comes out to the darkness and realizes he's missed the party. He freaks, the gambling help line number pops up and you think "holy shit" to yourself for a few seconds before you're distracted by the next commercial that pops up for some new, overpriced, piece of shiny crap.

While I've never got to that point of desperation, I was thinking of that commercial earlier tonight and about how important self control and honesty is in the type of relationship Miss H and I have. While I do wear a cock cage every day to ensure I don't mess with Miss H's "property" if I haven't been given permission to masturbate, I'm not on total maximum security lock down. At night, Miss H will usually unlock my cage and allow me to go to bed without wearing it. Initially it was because I had epididymitis but more recently its been because I find it can be difficult to go to sleep with the metal cage I currently wear.

Because of this freedom, I actually have plenty of opportunities to masturbate if I wanted to "cheat". I could do it in the shower in the morning, in the middle of the night, etc. I don't though, because part of the rush of the FLR relationship is having Miss H in total control so sneaking around behind her back kind of defeats the purpose. Just knowing I could if I wanted to but I don't because I'm worried about what she would do if she caught me turns me on. To be perfectly honest though, in the past year or so I've slipped and masturbated at least twice without her permission. I confessed to her both times because I felt guilty. Once she had a rather severe punishment, which at the time I didn't enjoy at all (but isn't that the point of a punishment?), but in the long run the fact that I was punished so severely really drove home the FLR and was a big thrill. The other time it was more of a slap on the wrist and that was kind of a bummer but at least I didn't have to feel the sting of the cane or anything like that.

Obviously, the more she teases and denies me and the longer I go without being able to cum, the hornier I get and the harder it becomes to remain masturbation free. About an hour ago I decided to take a quick shower, and like I always do when I'm going to take a shower I take a few minutes to check out Tumblr. I wasn't locked anymore (Miss H usually lets me out if I'm going to take a shower) so while scrolling through pic after pic of the most deviant porn I could find, I felt myself starting to leak pre-cum. One thing led to another and while I wasn't technically masturbating, I found myself gently rubbing myself through my panties. I knew I shouldn't be doing it but I couldn't help it, I was horny as hell, dying to dress, and generally in a super kinky mood.

I pulled my pants down, lowered my panties, and and just looked at my rock hard cock, pulsating slightly with excitement as a large drop of pre-cum shined on the tip. I used a finger to rub the pre-cum around the head of my dick and down and around my shaft. The feel of my finger gliding across the underside of my penis made me audibly grunt with frustration. For a good thirty seconds I stood there perfectly still, a raging debate going through my mind. Just a couple of minutes, I told myself, then I could cum real quick and finally relieve some of the crushing sexual pressure I felt inside me. Miss H would never know (other then perhaps my sudden lack of sexual interest and lack of proper manners over the next few days if I did cum and lose my sub space "high").

I took a firm grip of my cock and stroked myself once, the slick pre-cum spreading up and down. It felt out of this world. I did it again. Then I stopped, things were starting to go to far. At that moment in time there was nothing more I wanted then to feel my hand jerking off my cock and to soon afterwards spray a huge load of cum everywhere. To feel that most elusive pleasure of an orgasm, a pleasure that I haven't felt in way to long. To clear my head of the unrelenting sexual urges I've felt non-stop over the past month or so that Miss H has denied me any release.

I cursed softly under my breath as I knew what I had to do. There was no way I was going to be able to deny myself the thing I wanted any longer. My will was weak tonight and it was fading fast. I cursed once more when I pulled the cock cage back out from the bathroom closet. When I was finally soft again I put the cage back where it belongs and locked myself up tight. 

1 comment:

  1. you describe the feeling of release you would like to have quite well. It is good that you stopped short of release. your expectations will not go away, and should be an element of your mental enjoyment. However, you must not release without Miss H's permission. you will be a better sissy for it. Take your reward in resisting the temptation.