Diaper Sissy part 1

Last night was amazing. The day started off rather mellow, and in fact sex was about the last thing on my mind as I woke up yesterday morning. I was all ramped up about watching game 7 of the Flyers/Sabres on TV that night so to be totally honest I was sort of hoping Miss H would make it a low key night and not have any chores or tasks for me.  I knew she had a few things of her own she needed to take care of so hopes were high for a quite night of watching hockey.

Then I got her txt.

"Tonight you'll be in your sissy pink dress, white crinoline, and diaper in time to watch your 7:30 Flyers game. I still have a few things I need to do but there's no reason my little sissy can sit like a pretty girl and watch the game while I work."

There was no point arguing so I began getting everything ready - the dress, white stockings and crinoline, white 6" platform shoes, a handful of  diapers (because Miss H likes it when I layer them and they're super bulky between my legs so I waddle a bit when I walk), plastic panties, pink elbow length sating gloves, bra and breast forms, and a medium sized black butt plug.

Sure enough, 7:00 rolled around and I was told to get get ready. I took a quick shower and shaved so I was smooth then returned to the bedroom and began getting dressed. It's always a double edged sword getting dressed in front of Miss H, especially when wearing a diaper is involved, because one part of me is totally humiliated and embarrassed while the other is totally getting off on those same feelings. The smirk on her face while she was securing my diaper in place both made my stomach twist into knots and instantly turn me on at the same time. The look of disdain in her eyes and the mean little comments she made had me leaking pre-cum almost instantly.

Naturally being this aroused made watching the game difficult to say the least. Every movement I made caused the crinoline to move and billow, the butt plug to thrust farther inside of me, and my 34D breast forms jiggle slightly. Miss H's sissy little cock was no longer caged, but the thick, crinkly diaper and plastic panties prevented any type of contact. The entire game all I could focus on was Miss H, and hoping that eventually she would stop ignoring me long enough to possibly play with me or allow me to service her beautiful pussy or ass.

Earlier Miss H had made it clear that no sexual activity of any kind was promised or should be expected, if the urge struck  her she may do something but she was going to be busy so it was unlikely. Plus, Miss H likes to torture me me ensuring I fully pee before putting on the diaper then only allowing me to be free once I had used the diaper some point later in time. So usually it takes a while to drink enough to be able to pee in the diaper so I spend hours helplessly horny and frustrated, waiting for just the opportunity to possibly get some sexual release.

Much later I finally felt the warm rush of liquid surround me as I began filling the bulky diaper. The release of pee was about the closest thing to ejaculating I've felt since the last time Miss H let me cum almost two months ago. I savored the feeling and the utter shame of having her watch me while I stood there and debased myself for her. What happened next I certainly didn't expect...

*To be continued with Part 2*

Reality comes knocking at the door

It's been a few days since I last posted anything. Usually that just simply means I've been to busy with any number of things like work, etc and haven't had enough free time to get a new blog post up. This time it's different. This time I've had more then enough opportunities to put pen to paper shall we say but I've hesitated. For the first time writing this blog (over 50 posts) I've felt a bit shy and awkward expressing my feelings, thoughts, etc here.

I'm not going to get into the whole background story but to make it short and sweet, the other night Miss H and I were having a few drinks when she suddenly told me out of nowhere that she hold told her best friend not only about our FLR relationship, but about all aspects of our sexual relationship (cross-dressing, BDSM, etc), as well as the links to her blog and mine.

She said the reason she did was because unlike in a "normal vanilla" relationship, she couldn't just go to her girlfriends and talk to them when she and I were having any issues because there was to much information she couldn't share. I fully understand and support her in that regard, I know it can be tough because I can be a rather kinky, crazy bitch some times ;) That being said, I did get upset (ok, more then a little upset) because the issue of dressing and my other related kinks are very personal to me and opening up about them can be very difficult and painful. Having her dump out the contents of my entire personal and sexual life to a person I had never met before was kind of the proverbial kick in the nuts that I wasn't expecting.

I wasn't mad at her per se, but the whole experience brought up a whole storm of emotions, so much in fact that I honestly didn't even know how I felt about her at the time. Was I mad? scared? turned on? feeling betrayed? resentful? I didn't, and still don't really know. It just felt like an emotional mood swing moving at hyper-speed and never fully coming to a stop on any one particular feeling. I think my biggest hangup now is that feeling of safety and anonymity that being online can provide. I can share as little or as much information with you the reader as I want. Now though, it just doesn't feel the same. Now I know that every word I write can be seen by a person I know, a person who is best friends with Miss H. A person whose wedding I'll be attending. A women who from now on won't just see me like she did, but instead as a transvestite who gets fucked in the ass by a strap-on or as the guy in a dress posting pictures of the cock cage Miss H makes me wear.

Even though it's too late to do anything about it, the cat's long out of the bag now, I still feel like every word I write has to be analyzed, double checked, and censored as to not let the world know what a freak I truly am. The freedom I once had seems a bit more constricted today, my ability to express myself though words just a little less...

Back in the groove

About a week ago or so Miss H and I had a little dust up over various issues related to our FLR relationship. Nothing major, just enough to make things uncomfortable for both of us. In hindsight I was largely to blame for things and should have just "manned up" and talked it out with her. I didn't, and it became a bigger issue then it should have been due to my silence and snarky attitude about it.

Since then everything has gotten back to normal and by normal I mean not being allowed to cum, cock caged at all times, and Miss H beating my ass while occasionally teasing me to the edge of orgasm only to leave me without any relief at all. Life is good again :)

I actually haven't seen Miss H since early Thursday morning because she's been away on business. It's been hard because first off I miss her greatly because she's the love of my life. Second, it's because she has total control of my sexual pleasure in every manner. If I want to cum, I have to have her permission (which usually doesn't happen). If I want to masturbate, I have to hope that she unlocks my cage then allows me to touch her cock. If I want to use a toy on my ass, she has to authorize it. Anything and everything in regards to my sexual being is under her lock and key, so while it's hard enough to get any release when she's physically here, it's even harder when she's far away.

I've been pretty much chomping at the bit for the last few days, desperate for release. Miss H has had me caged since before she left but she hasn't forgotten about me completely. I was told I would have to wear pink nail polish and not remove it before she returned Sunday night. Luckily I had Friday off so no issues related to work, but I had previously mentioned to her a number of errands I had to run this weekend, before I found out she would make me wear the polish. Miss H insisted that I complete those errands regardless of the fact that I was wearing nail polish.  So, to make a long story short, it was an interesting day at the food store today.

I can't wait until I see her again...

Just some pics.

A few pics from the other night for your viewing enjoyment...

My favorite thing.

It's rare that Miss H allows me to have intercourse with her anymore, that's a reward she usually saves for special occasions like my Birthday, etc. Sometimes after an especially long session of teasing and denial she'll allow me to enter her, not as a reward, but as a further reminder of what a pathetic sissy I'm becoming. By the time she lets me slide her cock inside of her, I'm so insanely horny and dripping wet that I can barely even get inside without almost cumming. She'll sit there impatiently, waiting for me to fuck her, yelling at me to keep going, knowing full well I can't because cumming without her permission would result in immediate punishment.

If I do manage to keep control of things and actually have sex with her, she won't let me do it for very long, just long enough to once again get to the very edge of cumming then telling me I have three pumps left before I have to withdraw. She'll then roll over in bed and go to sleep as I lay there naked, quivering, and almost delirious with desire.

My only real source of sexual pleasure comes from servicing her or when she uses her hand on me. Usually it's more of the former then the latter, with me using my mouth and fingers all over her gorgeous body. She has extremely sensitive nipples so I'll suck on them while simultaneously fingering her pussy, which she loves and is becoming the defacto standard when it comes to giving her orgasms anymore (I don't last long enough to provide an orgasm from intercourse). She seems to also really enjoy me worshiping her sexy feet with my tongue, running down the entire length of each foot before gently sucking on and licking her toes.

As I mentioned earlier, I rarely get intercourse so usually my reward for properly pleasing Miss H is having her use her hand on me. That single act of her manually masturbating me has quickly become just about my favorite thing in the world. It's not just because it's my only way to get any sort of sexual relief, it's because the combination of mental and physical stimulation sets me off in just about every way I could imagine.

Miss H will lay next to me and place my head across her chest so I can suck on her breasts while she slowly begins stroking me, gently whispering into my ear the most vile and hardcore sexual thoughts currently swirling around in her head. It might be a fantasy she has, or a story about a former lover she's fucked, or maybe just a little hint about what my next task for her will be. She does it because she knows I love hearing her talk dirty and because she knows it makes it incredibly hard for me to not cum while she strokes me over and over.

Once she has me sufficiently worked up and excited she starts to toy with me by among other things, relaxing her grip so her fingers are very loosely circling the shaft. The physical stimulation is greatly reduced but still just enough to make me buck up against her hand in an effort to feel her. Another thing she does is to not masturbate me at all, she will simply make a grip with her hand and I'm allowed to fuck it. It's embarrassing being made to fuck her hand but in the heat of the moment I couldn't care less. A new move she just started using was to make sure I was well lubed and at a very steady pace alternate between quickly stroking me once then immediately slapping my penis. This continues on for a while, the pain of the slaps not enough to deter me from asking her to keep going, the desire to get some sexual pleasure outweighing everything else.

Regardless of what she does, the end result is the same, I'm not allowed to cum and left horny and frustrated, knowing that I'll be wearing the CB-6000 again soon enough until she decides to unlock and play with me once more.

Storage.

One of the beautiful aspects of being a dominant in an FLR type relationship is that you no longer have to worry about constantly pleasing the other person. I don't mean to make that sound overly selfish but in a situation like the one Miss H and I have, I'm happy when her needs are met and she's happy. In an ever increasing way, my pleasure is starting to stem from giving her pleasure and joy. While Miss H is a wonderful person and does try to satisfy my needs, we both realize that her desires comes first and that's what is really important. I'm not going to lie and say I don't get pouty some times when I'm so horny and get no release, much less physical stimulation, but I'm slowly learning my place, and I'm coming to accept it with out any real problems.

A perfect case in point was this past Sunday night. I was locked in my CB-6000 nonstop for the previous week and as you could probably imagine, desperately horny. My only glimmer of hope was that Miss H said that we would be able to play for a bit on Sunday night. As the day grew closer I got more and more excited. In my silly little head I actually thought I might be able to actually have intercourse with her (which is rather rare nowadays for a number of reasons I'll get into in later blog posts) or at if nothing else, I might be lucky enough to have her stroke my tiny little clitty.

Mistress instead thought the idea of doing anything with me sexually wasn't quite as an attractive option as was laying in bed reading a book and having her favorite TV show on in the background. So while I had envisioned a night of intense passion and sexual pleasure, I ended up spending most of the night bound and immobile next to her in bed.

I was ordered to wear a short dress and stockings, underneath of which I was made to wear a thick, bulky, extra absorbent adult diaper and plastic panties. Then I had bondage mittens attached to my hands, ear plugs put in, and a leather hood tightly pulled around my head.

Finally I was put into the bondage bag, tied up and left alone, unable to move, see, or hear. Miss H said I would be allowed out of the bag once I had humiliated myself by peeing in the diaper. Normally that wouldn't have been hard to do, but Miss H had already purposely made me use the bathroom and pee twice in the past hour so I was totally empty. She said she was probably going to go to bed around midnight so I  better hurry up if I wanted any chance at all for some physical contact with her. Otherwise she was just release me the next morning at whatever time she happened to wake up.

I'm not sure how long I stayed immobile in the bag, all I can remember is the pressure of the hood around my head, the occasional stroke of a finger along the outside of my diaper, and Miss H holding a straw to my lips so I could ravenously try to suck down enough Gatorade to make myself pee. It was kind of pathetic now that I think about it, a grown man tied up and struggling to gulp down as much fluid as possible in order to urninate into a diaper, just for the *possibility* of being able to suck Miss H's toes, or have her spend a few seconds rubbing my small, useless clit before growing tired of me and simply rolling over in bed and going to sleep.

I'm slacking

Just a quick note to say I know I haven't posted anything in the past few days. Ice just been crazy busy with some work related stuff, sorry :( I should have a new post up, hopefully with pics sometime tomorrow if everything goes according to plan.