Fear, turn on, or both?

I personally don't spend all that much time on YouTube but every now and then I skim though and see if I can find anything interesting. I happened to be looking for sissy videos, what a surprise, and found a video called "Sissy Maid dress leaving hotel and getting in taxi" which you can watch yourself  here. The title pretty much says it all, there's no nudity or anything overly sexual about it but I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was like watching a car crash, I couldn't look away no matter how much I wanted to.

A guy totally made up and wearing a pink sissy dress and heels simply leaves his hotel room and with video camera rolling travels down to the ground floor of the hotel, goes outside and catches a cab.  There's nothing wrong with the guy but he's obviously not trying to hide the fact of what's going on. It's one thing to dress in some nice subdued business casual type womens wear, quite another to wear a pure sissy outfit that is designed specifically to get people's attention.

The minute he opens his room door my heart starts racing because I can totally see myself in his cute little shoes (and have done things very similar in the past). He seems so calm in the video but I'm starting to freak out just watching this. My biggest fear is people making fun of me and thinking I'm a loser or something yet at the same time sexual humiliation is one of my biggest turn ons so these polar opposites have a tendency to mess with me emotionally.

Anyway, so I'm equal parts getting ready to go into a panic attack and dripping precum all inside my panties while the video plays on. Before long the empty hallways and elevators lead to a suddenly crowded hotel lobby and I can suddenly feel myself breathing much quicker, in short little bursts, as my body tenses up even more. You can hear people in the crowd say things but the guy keeps strutting on without missing a beat. I don't know why I'm getting so anxious but I cant help it and my cock is rock hard and twitching away as the video ends. It was a weird rush but the combination of terror and turn on was a winner and I wanted more. A few clicks later and found this one and especially this one which had my stomach in knots as a different sissy goes shopping.

Miss H knows I get off on public humiliation and just about any other type of humiliation for that matter, so when I sent her the link to the video she was quick to tease and threaten me about it. We're going to Vegas in October and she mentioned that it might be fun to try something like that and make our own video while we're there. Who knows if she'll actually go through with it, but I can already feel my blood pressure ticking upwards.