The penis is broken.

Damn it.

God damn it.

God fucking damn it.

There, now I feel a bit better after venting. What was supposed to be a fun night this past weekend turned into yet another sex related injury. I'm either the most unlucky person on the planet when it comes to sex or just need to be a lot more careful. The night itself was great, dressing, masturbation, some actual intercourse (no orgasm of course), verbal abuse, cock and ball torture, and everything else I love. So far so good. Now jump ahead to the next morning, I wake up horny as hell and rock hard so I do a little stroking. As I'm doing it I start to notice that something doesn't feel right. I look down and on my penis it looks like a large vein popping from the side of the penis. Nothing super crazy but definitely raised which is strange because unlike some guys with huge veiny cocks, I'm very smooth in that regard so I've never had anything like that before.

It isn't painful, red, or warm so those were all good signs. When I wasn't erect it seemed to be much smaller, not at all visible from the surface but if I pushed slightly I could still feel it underneath the skin. I did a little research and what I initially thought was an enflamed blood vessel instead seems to be some irritation and/or blockage of a lymph channel. Unlike a blood clot type issue which would have the aforementioned symptoms and usually be painful if it was in the genital area, a lymph blockage seemed much more likely. Not to get all medical, but where as blood is pretty easily returned from extremities like the penis, lymph moves much more slowly, so when an area receives trauma it can pool up there and produce a "backup" which enlarges the area as looked to be the case with my injury.

I was freaking out because there didn't seem to be any real cure for the problem other then abstaining from masturbation and other sexual activity until your body cleared up the problem on it's on. The time frame for that to happen varied from a matter of days to months. Any "cheating" on the rest period would only slow the healing and most likely make it worse, making you just have to wait that much longer. You might think that somebody that has been in chastity for extended periods of time over the past year and a half wouldn't have much problem going a few weeks without any type of sex. You'd be wrong. Very wrong. I might not get to cum nor get played with nearly as much as I would like, but those times I do mean the world to me and I was more then a little concerned about possibly having to give that up for any length of time.

The good news though is that the wounded area has been slowly going going down over the past couple of days, to the point now where I can't even really feel it anymore. We're going to give it week to fully heal and then take it from there.

Tomorrow night.

As with virtually every other adult in the world, Miss H and I never seem to have enough time to spend together. Whether it's work, social obligations or just doing the laundry, we never have as much free time as we'd like to just chill out and have some good, dirty, kinky fun. The past week or two has been especially rough because I had a bunch of stuff I needed to do for work so that pretty much sucked up the entire weekend last week and the rest of the time was filled with everything else imaginable that kept us from really being together. The lack of kink time has had me alternating between frustrated (not the fun sexual kind either) and kind of bummed out. To be honest we did sneak in a quick bit of bondage fun last Saturday night but, selfishly perhaps, I'm dying for so much more.

That's why I'm so amped about Saturday night, nothing on the calendar except the two of us, maybe a few drinks, and hopefully a night of mind bending kink. I'm trying not to get to overly excited about it because I have a bad tendency to get so hyped up for upcoming events (a three day weekend, a new movie I've been waiting to see, etc) that no matter how good it ends up being, my expectations were so sky high that it ends up feeling like a huge disappointment. Then because I feel let down, I start looking ahead to the next big event and focusing on that, again ramping up the hype and continuing the cycle over and over again.

The other problem is that because we don't necessarily engage in as much kink/fetish play as I would like, when we do play it never seems enough. For instance, Miss H might do an amazing tease and denial session that will easily go for thirty minutes or even a whole hour. Mercilessly alternating between crushing verbal abuse and humiliation and teasing the cock with her hand. She'll end things and all I can do is beg for more. It seems like it's been five minutes but when I look at the clock it shocks me how long she's really been at it. She likes to say that when I'm in chastity there's no end for me. If we were a regular, vanilla couple, we would have sex and when I came, that would kind of be the signal that we were done. I'd be exhausted and done, Miss H would have a clear sign that the activities were over and that would be that. With tease and denial there really isn't and end until Miss H says so and at that point I'm at the ultimate peak of horniness so stopping seems like the worst torture imaginable so naturally I beg for more.

Hopefully things work out because I think both of us need a night to just relax, get turned on, enjoy each others company and connect again in a way we haven't in a long while. I'll fire up an update on the blog in the next few days to let you know how it went.

Busted

Sometimes its the smallest things that have the biggest impact. As I've written about many times before in this blog, I love sexual humiliation and verbal abuse. I'm not sure at what point in my life those synapses in my brain got crossed, but they did and things that probably should excite me in a sexual way now do. Degrading my manhood, humiliating me, belittling my penis size, etc all fire me up like few others things do. Now while I absolutely love this when it's Miss H and I in the privacy of our home, in public or with strangers it becomes more of a double edged sword. The turn on is still there and even magnified, but the actual humiliation of looking stupid in front of someone who doesn't get off on it just makes me cringe (I'm very self conscious so any bit of negative reaction from someone freaks me out).

Some of the best/worst experiences I've had sexually was when Miss H has made me do things like go out diapered in public. I'm sure nobody was the wiser as we walked around, but the fear that somebody did notice or might say something had me sweating bullets the whole time. It really ramps up the emotional aspect of your sex life and I both dread and wish for more of those experiences. Yesterday at work I had a little misadventure that would fit into that category nicely though.

Miss H and I managed to find some time to play this weekend so naturally, my nails were painted.  When I worked rolled around I took off the polish on my fingers before jumping into the shower that morning. There was still a tiny bit of polish I couldn't get off around my cuticles but that happens every time so I didn't think twice about it. The day started off normally enough, and was relatively boring for the majority of the day. Then at some point after lunch I was sitting around with a couple of co-workers just talking and killing time. Then out of nowhere a female friend has a weird look on her face and suddenly reaches out to grab my right hand. "What the hell?", she asks with an inquisitive tone in her voice. "You've got bright pink nail polish on!". All eyes are now on me and I get panicky. I freeze and try to act as nonchalant as possible and just kind of laugh under my breath like it's no big deal.

"Oh, that.", I stumble. "my fiancee thought it would be funny to play a joke on me and paint my nails last night. She was pissed I fell asleep during the movie we were watching so this is how she decided to get back at me", I blurted out at like a million miles an hour, doing my best to sound like it wasn't even worth talking about. There were some giggles and jokes about how hot pink was definitely my color, but thankfully they believed my explanation and basically just let it go without any more questions or drama. Our little group soon disbanded and while sitting there by myself I felt my heart racing and was super nervous but at the same time I felt a raging hard on beneath my panties. The humiliation of being embarrassed about something so feminine as wearing nail polish in front of all those strong, outgoing women, had totally done it for me in a sexual way.

As we were leaving for the day the one woman who had initially noticed the last bits of polish on my nails jokingly shouted, "next week you should come with me to my nail place. They do a great job and I'm sure they'll have a color you like!". I feigned disgust and laughed as I got in my car. Funny thing is that she had no idea how much I really wanted to take her up on that offer.

This morning.

I'm sitting here getting ready for work today and I have absolutely no motivation what so ever to actually get up and head in. All I want to do is be plugged, diapered, and wearing the most humiliating sissy outfit Miss H can choose for me. I don't want to deal with the paperwork and stress today. I just want to grind slowly against the inside of my diaper while the plug pushes in deeper with each thrust. The whole time hoping Mistress will allow me the pleasure of ruining my own orgasm for her amusement. But instead it looks like work is calling and it's time for me to go. Oh well, perhaps another day...

Puking is not sexy.

Today was going to be a good day, I had off and even though it's wet and nasty out from all the rain we got over the weekend, I had enough stuff I need to get done inside today that I figured I would be rather productive. So productive in fact that I was going to try and sneak in a little bit of dressing time today (with Miss H's permission of course). I mean if you have to be stuck inside, why not be stuck inside wearing a pretty little pink satin sissy dress or maybe a tight, shiny pvc outfit with matching platforms. What a wonderful way to spice up even the most dreary day.

But it was not to be, instead I woke up feeling like I was going to dry heave a lung out of my chest. Nauseous, and generally not wanting to get off the sofa was how the day has gone so far. I'm doing shots of Pepto like it's water and not exactly seeing any positive effects yet.

I do feel a bit better when I go into corpse mode and just lay perfectly still but it's driving me nuts because for some reason I'm just overly horny today and I'm dying for anything even remotely sexual. Tumblr, dressing, sexting with Miss H, etc. The mind is willing but the body is not even close to able. It's still early in the morning though so hopefully I'll feel better soon and the day won't be a total waste. Ugh, this sucks.

Red PVC

I generally prefer pink or black, occasionally white, but I thought I'd try something a little bit different. Hope you like them.

Like a bear, but not the furry, leather kind.

There's no real way to explain it any better then to just say I'm crazy horny right now. The kind of horny where just about anything is turning me on in a serious way. But the strange thing is that I'm not really sure if I like it or not. You see being horny all the time is fun when there's lots of sex stuff going on, teasing and denial, kinky talk, etc. However a sudden rush of horniness in the midst of a lull in the sexual action is more of like an itch you can't quite reach to scratch. The past week or two so has seen Miss H and I rather tame in terms of our sex play. When things go an extended period like that with out much kink I can't handle it and it's not a big deal.

After a few days of crushing horniness I tend to kind of "hibernate" for lack of a better term. Like a bear in winter my sex drive kind of slows down and sleeps until I reach a point where I'm horny, but at a level where there are plenty of other activities that can take up my time. When the spring comes, or in this case Miss H's hand returns to the cock, I spring to life and suddenly sex is all I can think of again. The past two nights Miss H has given me enough attention to get the fires stoked and burning but not enough to really enjoy things. Two nights ago it was some minor dry humping and masturbating me for a couple of minutes through my shorts. Last night I was allowed to stroke myself for exactly 7 minutes (she set a timer on her phone) while verbally abusing me. I was also made to use one of her shoes to masturbate with as another means to humiliate me.

So I'm once again all fired up but with no real chance of any real pleasure or relief. I feel like a starving man getting the slightest taste of a delicious meal. Not being fed is bad enough, but having to be constantly reminded of it makes it that much worse (or better in my case?). One the one hand if we're not going to play I'd almost prefer to totally put it on the back burner so I wouldn't have to think about what I'm not getting, but on the other I want it so bad that even a little taste is enough for me to do just about anything to earn it and want more.