The inner thoughts and musings of a submissive transvestite.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Insatiable
I'm almost shaking with giddy anticipation as I wait for my beautiful Mistress to arrive home. I'm wearing the pink, patent leather thigh high "fuck me" boots Mistress gave me for Christmas along with a short bustier, a pink thong, a hot pink mesh tutu type skirt (also a present from Mistress), and a pair of long white stockings with a dainty bow on the top of each leg.
I'm not sure what I did to deserve the pleasure to dress today, but Mistress must have something up her sleeve, which I'm oh so thankful for. Nothing gets me as excited as an unexpected txt msg from Mistress assigning me a new task or simply degrading me verbally. I live to serve her and on those brief periods of time she gives me the honor to bow down before her, I just drip with excitement and nervous energy.
Now that I think about it I may have an idea why Mistress has the sudden interest in seeing me dress and become so subservient again. You see after being in chastity for roughly a month and a half, Mistress was so kind as to allow me to cum. Unfortunately for her, I guess the relief that my orgasm provided me also provided me with a false sense of manhood. I suddenly became less attentive to her needs like cuddling, wasn't going the extra mile like I had been in taking care of her (cleaning her house, cooking her dinner, etc) and generally starting to put my own needs in front of hers. This is of course contrary to everything I was being trained to do so I can understand why Mistress prefers me as her sissy instead of her "equal" partner.
When she has me dressed and always on the verge of cumming I'm like one of her girlfriends, talking with her for hours about our feelings and emotions, doing thoughtful little things for her to show her how much I love her, spending more time with her friends and family, and everything else a women might desire from her man. Well, of course for the sex, because with the constant denial and teasing of my cock I'm constantly on edge and ready to cum with barely any actual physical contact. Three pumps and cumming is not what she obviously wants so perhaps it's time to provide alternate means of sexual satisfaction for her. More oral, use of vibrators, perhaps even a new "boyfriend" on the side, etc so that she can then have the best of both worlds, all wrapped up in a frilly little pink dress...
I'm not sure what I did to deserve the pleasure to dress today, but Mistress must have something up her sleeve, which I'm oh so thankful for. Nothing gets me as excited as an unexpected txt msg from Mistress assigning me a new task or simply degrading me verbally. I live to serve her and on those brief periods of time she gives me the honor to bow down before her, I just drip with excitement and nervous energy.
Now that I think about it I may have an idea why Mistress has the sudden interest in seeing me dress and become so subservient again. You see after being in chastity for roughly a month and a half, Mistress was so kind as to allow me to cum. Unfortunately for her, I guess the relief that my orgasm provided me also provided me with a false sense of manhood. I suddenly became less attentive to her needs like cuddling, wasn't going the extra mile like I had been in taking care of her (cleaning her house, cooking her dinner, etc) and generally starting to put my own needs in front of hers. This is of course contrary to everything I was being trained to do so I can understand why Mistress prefers me as her sissy instead of her "equal" partner.
When she has me dressed and always on the verge of cumming I'm like one of her girlfriends, talking with her for hours about our feelings and emotions, doing thoughtful little things for her to show her how much I love her, spending more time with her friends and family, and everything else a women might desire from her man. Well, of course for the sex, because with the constant denial and teasing of my cock I'm constantly on edge and ready to cum with barely any actual physical contact. Three pumps and cumming is not what she obviously wants so perhaps it's time to provide alternate means of sexual satisfaction for her. More oral, use of vibrators, perhaps even a new "boyfriend" on the side, etc so that she can then have the best of both worlds, all wrapped up in a frilly little pink dress...
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Housework
As I sit here anxiously awaiting the arrival of my Mistress, I can't seem to tear my eyes away from the pile of pink sissy clothes and bondage gear I have set out before me. I'm dying to rip off these boring "male" clothes and slide into the tight, smooth embrace of white stockings and garters. I'm getting so horny that even being forced to wear the utterly humiliating pink satin sissy dress would be splendid.
The only problem is that having Mistress come home from work (where she deals with real men) and seeing me already dressed is always emotionally crippling for the first little while, as I can see the disgust and disappointment cross her face. I'm not sure why she hadn't ordered me to be dressed when she arrives. I dare not ask, and instead be happy that she did allow me to paint my nails and attach my CB-2000 chastity cage.
I have no idea what she has in store for tonight so things should be amusing to day the least. It doesn't matter if it's more housework and chores, being put in restrictive bondage and then left unattended an alone in a corner for hours, or actively pleasuring her all night, what ever her desire, that's how the night will go. For she is my Goddess and I nothing more then her property. Exactly how it should be.
The only problem is that having Mistress come home from work (where she deals with real men) and seeing me already dressed is always emotionally crippling for the first little while, as I can see the disgust and disappointment cross her face. I'm not sure why she hadn't ordered me to be dressed when she arrives. I dare not ask, and instead be happy that she did allow me to paint my nails and attach my CB-2000 chastity cage.
I have no idea what she has in store for tonight so things should be amusing to day the least. It doesn't matter if it's more housework and chores, being put in restrictive bondage and then left unattended an alone in a corner for hours, or actively pleasuring her all night, what ever her desire, that's how the night will go. For she is my Goddess and I nothing more then her property. Exactly how it should be.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Long night...
I can tell tonight isn't going to be easy. Mistress was upset at a minor infraction I had and in turn sentenced me to wear my medium size butt plug until she returns from her social engagement. The plug went in around 6pm and almost immediately my cock started dripping precum, which I guess what's happen when u haven't been able to cum in weeks. I'm doing everything I can think off to keep my mind off of how horny and turned on I am. Watching television, doing vanilla chores, anything to not focus on the feel of that big anal plug stuck deep inside me. Oh, and did I mention that she has forbidden me to even masturbate (regardless of if I don't cum).
I've already started peaking in on my personal porn collection. Bad move because it's only making the urges that much worse. The only saving grace is that I'm still wearing my regular "guy" clothes(yuck)so that makes it a bit easier to handle. If I was in lingerie and heels or a nice tight mini skirt I don't know how I would be able to handle it. My male clothes keep me sort of stuck in vanilla mode, so where as I get horny, I don't catapult into that dressed, sissy whore mentality where I go out of my mind horny and excited. I'm going to have to stop writing now because just thinking about it is making me leak precum again. As a good bye present though I'll post a pic of that big plug inside my little sissy "pussy". Enjoy!
I've already started peaking in on my personal porn collection. Bad move because it's only making the urges that much worse. The only saving grace is that I'm still wearing my regular "guy" clothes(yuck)so that makes it a bit easier to handle. If I was in lingerie and heels or a nice tight mini skirt I don't know how I would be able to handle it. My male clothes keep me sort of stuck in vanilla mode, so where as I get horny, I don't catapult into that dressed, sissy whore mentality where I go out of my mind horny and excited. I'm going to have to stop writing now because just thinking about it is making me leak precum again. As a good bye present though I'll post a pic of that big plug inside my little sissy "pussy". Enjoy!
Frustrated. Again.
So it's about 2am as I write this and yet again I'm agitated and frustrated because I'm insanely horny and yet unable to cum. Physically I'm able to cum, I don't have my cock cage on preventing me from masturbating, but my Mistress hasn't given me permission. Without that, I simply can not. Now the easy thing to do would be to just jerk off and not tell her. I'm not doing that and do u know why? First because I don't lie to her, and second I take our BDSM relationship very seriously. This isn't just a little role play that I engage in to spice up our love life, these are activities that are core to my sexual and mental health. So how can I say that I'm dedicated to this lifestyle and dedicated to my Mistress when I pledge to be her slave and then go disrespect her and "cheat" behind her back.
So instead, I'll be a good girl and try in vain to keep my mind off of how horny I am right now and how badly I need to cum. I'll try to forget how annoyed and sexually unsatisfied I am too. Maybe unlike every other night I can make the urges stop. Maybe, but I doubt it.
So instead, I'll be a good girl and try in vain to keep my mind off of how horny I am right now and how badly I need to cum. I'll try to forget how annoyed and sexually unsatisfied I am too. Maybe unlike every other night I can make the urges stop. Maybe, but I doubt it.
Getting started.
In the past, when ever I've read a web page where the person says something along the lines of "my Mistress made me post this personal ad" or "my Master has commanded me to do whatever", it always just smacks of a pathetic attempt by some lonely guy to enrich his own personal sex fantasy by doing something he himself would love to do if he actually had a Master or Mistress.
Well, I guess you can now add me to that list.
The difference is I'm lucky enough to 1) Have a real Mistress. 2) Have a Mistress who is kinky and creative enough to actually order me to write and maintain this blog. To be perfectly honest I've never blogged before so I'm kind of making this up as I go along. Her rules were simple, two posts a week minimum, at least 100 words per post, and maintain a level of privacy for both her and I. Other then that I'm free to write about whatever I want, although I assume that there will be assigned topics, you see Mistress loves the mental aspect of BDSM so she loves to know the inner workings of my little sissy mind and what better way to do that then to have me pour out my most inner feelings in the form of the written word.
When Mistress first started asking me in depth questions after we had finished a "scene" (which by the way is phrase I hate to use because it makes it sound like we're just playing a game instead of engaging in true acts of dominance and submission) I thought that is might be a sign of weakness on her part. Maybe she was worried that she had gone to far with something, for example. As time passes though I think that it's just the exact opposite, she's not trying to make sure I'm ok, but trying to find out in what manner she can garner even more control and power over me.
I often tend to make the mistake that because she is very calm and calculating compared to the normal stereotype of a dominant being loud and angry, that she doesn't have the mean streak I so desire. Fortunately, that is far from the case. Her cruelty becomes more intense with each passing day (as is evident by the fact that she most recently has had me in chastity for the past 6 weeks, and which will probably be the topic of my next blog post, btw). She wields her punishments like a surgeon, carefully and strategically molding me into the perfect slave for her to use and abuse. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Well, I guess you can now add me to that list.
The difference is I'm lucky enough to 1) Have a real Mistress. 2) Have a Mistress who is kinky and creative enough to actually order me to write and maintain this blog. To be perfectly honest I've never blogged before so I'm kind of making this up as I go along. Her rules were simple, two posts a week minimum, at least 100 words per post, and maintain a level of privacy for both her and I. Other then that I'm free to write about whatever I want, although I assume that there will be assigned topics, you see Mistress loves the mental aspect of BDSM so she loves to know the inner workings of my little sissy mind and what better way to do that then to have me pour out my most inner feelings in the form of the written word.
When Mistress first started asking me in depth questions after we had finished a "scene" (which by the way is phrase I hate to use because it makes it sound like we're just playing a game instead of engaging in true acts of dominance and submission) I thought that is might be a sign of weakness on her part. Maybe she was worried that she had gone to far with something, for example. As time passes though I think that it's just the exact opposite, she's not trying to make sure I'm ok, but trying to find out in what manner she can garner even more control and power over me.
I often tend to make the mistake that because she is very calm and calculating compared to the normal stereotype of a dominant being loud and angry, that she doesn't have the mean streak I so desire. Fortunately, that is far from the case. Her cruelty becomes more intense with each passing day (as is evident by the fact that she most recently has had me in chastity for the past 6 weeks, and which will probably be the topic of my next blog post, btw). She wields her punishments like a surgeon, carefully and strategically molding me into the perfect slave for her to use and abuse. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)