While not set totally in stone, it looks like the chastity/FLR portion of our relationship will be back in full swing sometime after March 6th or 7th when Miss H returns from her business trip. Honestly, I couldn't be more happy, I'm just dying to get back into the strict, submissive lifestyle that I so thoroughly enjoyed over the past year or so. With each passing day my kinky needs become ever stronger. Bondage, tease and denial, humiliation, diapers, dressing, the whole nine yards of kink that became an everyday part of our life for so long have been shelved and I'm itching to get them back.
Last night Miss H had some free time from both work obligations and health issues (one more damn cold or sore throat and I'm going to snap) so we worked in a little bit of good old fashioned fucking. She started in with the dirty talk though, the verbal abuse, and just a enough mind fucking to drive me crazy. I almost forgot how much just hearing her voice like that drives me wild. Other then that though there wasn't anything else kinky involved, I didn't dress, there weren't any whips and chains involved and the night was wonderful.
That's one thing that I'll miss about this temporary bout of "freedom". I can have sex in any way I want and I'm allowed to cum every time. Fast forward a few weeks from now and I'll be begging like a whiny baby just for the opportunity to be inside her. It's a definite case of the grass is always greener on the other side. When I want to fuck, I'm not allowed to. When I crave the rigid discipline and denial, I'm free to run rough shod. Talk about first world problems ;) This break has been good for us, it prevented any burn out and will only make getting back into things that much more exciting. I just wish we would have had more time to actually enjoy it instead of constantly being sick and busy all the time.
The inner thoughts and musings of a submissive transvestite.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
New tattoo?
Miss H and I are in the early stages of planning a vacation to Las Vegas some time in the near future. While we were talking about it the other day she mentioned I should get a tattoo while we were there. It sounded like a good idea to me because I've been itching to get a new one for a while now. I already had a few ideas in mind but I was kind of surprised by Miss H's suggestion. "It would be the perfect time to get a nice sissy tattoo for u", she said rather nonchalantly. I wasnt expecting that at all, I had kind of half jokingly (actually quite seriously in my mind) made reference to a sissy tattoo in the past but never really expected Miss H to be on board with the idea.
I'm not sure if she was serious or just trying to mess with my head but the idea was very intriguing. She didn't specifically say what she had in mind but I spent some time on Google image search and found a few things that might fit the bill.
I'm not sure if she was serious or just trying to mess with my head but the idea was very intriguing. She didn't specifically say what she had in mind but I spent some time on Google image search and found a few things that might fit the bill.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Getting our bearings
Being in a FLR relationship on a near 24/7 basis with total chastity for half a year is a big change. Almost as much as suddenly not being in that mode any more. The past week or so has been a new experience as we try to figure out exactly what "vanilla" is anymore while we take a mini-break from the kink. As I was worried about, Miss H and I have had a number of issues crop up recently which for the most part were all related to a lack of communication. In hindsight, more talking and less expecting the other person to know what we were each feeling would have gone a long way in preventing any of the hurt feelings we both experienced.
For me I wanted this break to just kind of clear my head. Being so hyper sexually aroused all the time was great, but when you take a break from it you realize just how much you need to mentally recuperate. It's like the day after you get back from a great vacation. It was a lot of fun, but you need to just decompress for a little while before heading back to work. Miss H took my new found interest in non-sexual subjects (and an admitted decrease in my outward acts of affection to her) as a sort of statement on my desire for her. Her feelings were hurt, she felt unappreciated, and self conscious. I could have handled it much better, and for that I'm truly sorry.
Last night we talked things out a bit more and it seemed to help the situation. We both were able to open up more and discuss how we were each feeling, and those feelings were kind of a surprise to both of us. Little miscommunications that spun out of control. We ended up having sex last night, nothing kinky or crazy, just two people in love doing what lovers do. I was allowed to cum fully and it was wonderful, the connection with Miss H more then the orgasm, and it was something we both definitely needed. Miss H mentioned that she wants to get back into the FLR but perhaps not until after Valentine's Day, which is fine with me because taking some time together now will end up helping a lot in the long run.
For me I wanted this break to just kind of clear my head. Being so hyper sexually aroused all the time was great, but when you take a break from it you realize just how much you need to mentally recuperate. It's like the day after you get back from a great vacation. It was a lot of fun, but you need to just decompress for a little while before heading back to work. Miss H took my new found interest in non-sexual subjects (and an admitted decrease in my outward acts of affection to her) as a sort of statement on my desire for her. Her feelings were hurt, she felt unappreciated, and self conscious. I could have handled it much better, and for that I'm truly sorry.
Last night we talked things out a bit more and it seemed to help the situation. We both were able to open up more and discuss how we were each feeling, and those feelings were kind of a surprise to both of us. Little miscommunications that spun out of control. We ended up having sex last night, nothing kinky or crazy, just two people in love doing what lovers do. I was allowed to cum fully and it was wonderful, the connection with Miss H more then the orgasm, and it was something we both definitely needed. Miss H mentioned that she wants to get back into the FLR but perhaps not until after Valentine's Day, which is fine with me because taking some time together now will end up helping a lot in the long run.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
A strange week
Miss H has given me a week off from chastity as both a way to let me cool off a bit from months of overheated sexuality and also as sort of an experiment to see how I'll act now that I'm not under her constant lock and key. So far a combination of being sick and being hyper focused on a big project at work has kept me from enjoying things as much as I would have liked too, but that's just the way of the world I suppose. I've masturbated and cum at least once each day since this past Sunday. After being denied any orgasms or release for something like four months, this new found freedom is a bit weird.
Physically, I'm kind of surprised how unimpressive my orgasms seem recently. Don't get me wrong, they're enjoyable but they're not the earth shattering, pleasure bomb that I thought they would be. I don't know if this is an actual change in the level of orgasm I'm experiencing due to chastity or just simply me expecting more from them after having desired them with no avail for such a extended time. It's like waiting for ever to see a new, over hyped movie then being dissapointed because it didn't meet your expectations. All the buildup and fanfare made it impossible to meet the hype, the movie might have been great but it had no shot thanks to the buzz around it.
Mentally, things are much different now then they were a week ago. When I was still chaste, all, and I mean all I ever thought about was sex. I followed Miss H around like a little puppy dog, clinging to her nonstop in hopes of catching a glimpse of her naked, or being able to touch her ass if I was allowed, or anything that might give me the slightest sliver of hope of being able to receive some sexual release. Now it's much more of an impulse thing. I can go half the day and sex is the last thing on my mind then all of a sudden I'll check Tumblr or whatever and bam, I'm suddenly horny as hell, jerking off, then I cum and I'm not even worried about sex again till maybe the next day. My sex "moods" are much smaller in time frame now. It's not that I suddenly don't want to sleep with Miss H, but if we're not in the right window of opportunity then I'm to busy trying to get my Taxes ready or do the laundry then grovel at her feet for affection.
I'm sure this must be hard for her because as shes said before, "you might not be horny because you've cum and now don't want to get all kinky, but my mood hasn't changed". She's absolutely right, my attention, while not totally lacking, isn't at the same super heightened level that is has been for months now and that must be strange for her too. She probably feels less appreciated, and somewhat unwanted, but that isn't the case at all. I need to work harder to let her know that, and to ensure she realizes just how much I really do love her regardless of what the sexual situation is.
She asked me yesterday why I was so hesitant to perform our normal nightly ritual, which is me kissing her feet at bedtime and thanking her for allowing her sissy to serve her. The reason is that I just feel super awkward doing it when we aren't hardcore into the kink. At the best of times I get really embarrassed doing it but I'm so horny that it turns me. Now though, I just feel deathly ashamed doing it in front of her and get no real sexual joy from it at all. Of course everything will start to change once we get back into the swing of things, it's just a matter of getting used to the "vanilla" again and finding the right state of mind.
Physically, I'm kind of surprised how unimpressive my orgasms seem recently. Don't get me wrong, they're enjoyable but they're not the earth shattering, pleasure bomb that I thought they would be. I don't know if this is an actual change in the level of orgasm I'm experiencing due to chastity or just simply me expecting more from them after having desired them with no avail for such a extended time. It's like waiting for ever to see a new, over hyped movie then being dissapointed because it didn't meet your expectations. All the buildup and fanfare made it impossible to meet the hype, the movie might have been great but it had no shot thanks to the buzz around it.
Mentally, things are much different now then they were a week ago. When I was still chaste, all, and I mean all I ever thought about was sex. I followed Miss H around like a little puppy dog, clinging to her nonstop in hopes of catching a glimpse of her naked, or being able to touch her ass if I was allowed, or anything that might give me the slightest sliver of hope of being able to receive some sexual release. Now it's much more of an impulse thing. I can go half the day and sex is the last thing on my mind then all of a sudden I'll check Tumblr or whatever and bam, I'm suddenly horny as hell, jerking off, then I cum and I'm not even worried about sex again till maybe the next day. My sex "moods" are much smaller in time frame now. It's not that I suddenly don't want to sleep with Miss H, but if we're not in the right window of opportunity then I'm to busy trying to get my Taxes ready or do the laundry then grovel at her feet for affection.
I'm sure this must be hard for her because as shes said before, "you might not be horny because you've cum and now don't want to get all kinky, but my mood hasn't changed". She's absolutely right, my attention, while not totally lacking, isn't at the same super heightened level that is has been for months now and that must be strange for her too. She probably feels less appreciated, and somewhat unwanted, but that isn't the case at all. I need to work harder to let her know that, and to ensure she realizes just how much I really do love her regardless of what the sexual situation is.
She asked me yesterday why I was so hesitant to perform our normal nightly ritual, which is me kissing her feet at bedtime and thanking her for allowing her sissy to serve her. The reason is that I just feel super awkward doing it when we aren't hardcore into the kink. At the best of times I get really embarrassed doing it but I'm so horny that it turns me. Now though, I just feel deathly ashamed doing it in front of her and get no real sexual joy from it at all. Of course everything will start to change once we get back into the swing of things, it's just a matter of getting used to the "vanilla" again and finding the right state of mind.
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