Thursday, February 2, 2012

A strange week

Miss H has given me a week off from chastity as both a way to let me cool off a bit from months of overheated sexuality and also as sort of an experiment to see how I'll act now that I'm not under her constant lock and key. So far a combination of being sick and being hyper focused on a big project at work has kept me from enjoying things as much as I would have liked too, but that's just the way of the world I suppose. I've masturbated and cum at least once each day since this past Sunday. After being denied any orgasms or release for something like four months, this new found freedom is a bit weird.

Physically, I'm kind of surprised how unimpressive my orgasms seem recently. Don't get me wrong, they're enjoyable but they're not the earth shattering, pleasure bomb that I thought they would be. I don't know if this is an actual change in the level of orgasm I'm experiencing due to chastity or just simply me expecting more from them after having desired them with no avail for such a extended time. It's like waiting for ever to see a new, over hyped movie then being dissapointed because it didn't meet your expectations. All the buildup and fanfare made it impossible to meet the hype, the movie might have been great but it had no shot thanks to the buzz around it.

Mentally, things are much different now then they were a week ago. When I was still chaste, all, and I mean all I ever thought about was sex. I followed Miss H around like a little puppy dog, clinging to her nonstop in hopes of catching a glimpse of her naked, or being able to touch her ass if I was allowed, or anything that might give me the slightest sliver of hope of being able to receive some sexual release. Now it's much more of an impulse thing. I can go half the day and sex is the last thing on my mind then all of a sudden I'll check Tumblr or whatever and bam, I'm suddenly horny as hell, jerking off, then I cum and I'm not even worried about sex again till maybe the next day. My sex "moods" are much smaller in time frame now. It's not that I suddenly don't want to sleep with Miss H, but if we're not in the right window of opportunity then I'm to busy trying to get my Taxes ready or do the laundry then grovel at her feet for affection.

I'm sure this must be hard for her because as shes said before, "you might not be horny because you've cum and now don't want to get all kinky, but my mood hasn't changed". She's absolutely right, my attention, while not totally lacking, isn't at the same super heightened level that is has been for months now and that must be strange for her too. She probably feels less appreciated, and somewhat unwanted, but that isn't the case at all. I need to work harder to let her know that, and to ensure she realizes just how much I really do love her regardless of what the sexual situation is.

She asked me yesterday why I was so hesitant to perform our normal nightly ritual, which is me kissing her feet at bedtime and thanking her for allowing her sissy to serve her. The reason is that I just feel super awkward doing it when we aren't hardcore into the kink. At the best of times I get really embarrassed doing it but I'm so horny that it turns me. Now though, I just feel deathly ashamed doing it in front of her and get no real sexual joy from it at all. Of course everything will start to change once we get back into the swing of things, it's just a matter of getting used to the "vanilla" again and finding the right state of mind.

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