Right to the point.

I was going through some email a few minutes ago when I came across this particular gem I received the other night from Miss H. The entire email, and I quote was -

"Let me give you an outline of tonight's activities:

I. You shower and get dressed, in an outfit to be described later.
II. You do a list of things. Two pages of things.
III. Something.
IV. Something more.
V. I cum.
VI. Goodnight."

That's just one out of about a million and one reasons I love her so much.

FLR so far.

I generally have two types of dreams, the first is the kind where something bad is happening like I'm being chased by zombies or someone I love is dying. I get all freaked out, wake up in a panic, and still feel unpleasant because it seemed so real. The other type is where something really awesome is happening then I wake up and get all bummed because I realize it wasn't real. I bring this up only because it feels as though life right now is like the latter dream, I just hope that it's real and if it isn't, I don't wake up from this amazing feeling.

It's been almost half a year since Miss H and I began moving toward a full time female led relationship (FLR) and I don't think I've ever been happier. I've been engaged in kinky activities for years now, but only now with Miss H have things crystallized and become so clear for me. Being "kinky" isn't something that I break out to play with one Saturday night a month, but part of who I am. It is both a passion and a need for me and our recent change to FLR/chastity has done wonders to our relationship in just about every facet.

I apologize in advance if this begins to sound like some late night infomercial, extolling the miraculous benefits of a relationship heavy with kink, but in our case it couldn't be more true. Since I first started reading about BDSM, watching fetish porn, etc when I was a teenager the idea of a full time relationship where I was submissive to a dominant female has always been a huge interest. I never thought it would actually happen or if it did, it would never match the expectations of my fantasies. In fact I had pretty much pushed the idea of it ever happening so far out of the realm of possibility that when Miss H brought up the idea last year I was at a loss. I hadn't seriously thought about it for a long while, why bother wishing for something I wasn't going to have? So long that I was both hesitant and turned on at the same time.

Fast forward to today and looking back, it was one of the best things I've ever done. I can't even really put into words what it feels like. Sexually, I've been satisfied, aroused, and excited like I could only dream of. There's no more "wishing for something else while putting up with what I have." I don't mean to sound critical or angry toward women I've been with in my past, because each one has taught me something or helped me along in my kinky journey to where I am now. I like to instead think of it as Miss H is just a perfect fit and the person I was always destined to serve and be with.

Emotionally, FLR has been wonderful. Miss H and I rarely if ever fought before, but now even a little dust up is practically unheard of. Now, that's not because Miss H is the dominant and I'm the submissive, but because there is a new found level of love and respect between us. Ego's don't get in the way and we've found a real sense of peace and joy between the two of us. That doesn't mean we will never argue again, but I do think when we do, we will be much better prepared to deal with it.

The chastity aspect of our FLR has a great deal to do with that as well. I'm making a rather broad generalization here, but I think if you talk to a decent sized sample of couples that engage in chastity to some degree, most will say that having their man locked up has done wonders for their relationship. The man becomes more caring and attentive even after a relatively short period of chastity. Helping around the house, more concern for his wife's/gf's feelings, etc. I know I most definitely have, to the point where Miss H strongly prefers I don't orgasm because she detests when I go back into "selfish guy mode" after being allowed to cum.

I must confess, that initially at least a lot of the attention I pay Miss H in the first few days after being locked up is selfish in nature. I'm so horny to cum so by making her happy I hope that perhaps she'll return the favor. I've always felt sort of guilty about that, like perhaps I'm just being fake and only acting nice to get what I want. Then something interesting started happening. I started to notice that consistently, after about a week in chastity, I still wanted to please Miss H, but not simply to "kiss her ass" so I might get some sexual attention, but I wanted her happy because seeing her in a good mood generally made me happy as well. Obviously I love Miss H so I always want to make her happy, but early in chastity, there just happens to be some ulterior motives present as well ;)

The longer I'm in continuous chastity, the more it seems as though my motivation switches from a sexual one to a feeling of accomplishment. While I still love when Miss H shows me affection, I now strive for the knowledge that Ive been a good sissy slave and made my Mistress happy. The joy is in the submission, not what I personally get out of it.

Tonight I'll be cooking Mistress a healthy dinner consisting of Salmon, baked zucchini, and fried potatoes. The main thought going through my head right now is that I hope she absolutely loves it. You wouldn't believe the pleasure I get when she smiles and comments on how good the meal I've prepared for her was. I feel like I've served my purpose, to treat my Mistress like the goddess she is. I would honestly rather have her content and satisfied with the time we have together then just about anything else.

I think she understands this, especially after this past Sunday night. It was a very special day for us, you can read about it on Miss H's blog here, but later that night during a rare session of actual intercourse, Miss H told me that I was allowed to cum with a true orgasm if I so desired due to the special nature of the day. That was a big deal because I'm just over halfway through the 90 day period of chastity Miss H had imposed on me. I think I actually gasped out loud I was so shocked and excited by this. I had been dying to cum for weeks and to be suddenly given this prize while at the same time having the privilege of being inside Miss H was almost more then I could handle.

I quickly looked her in the eyes and just as I was about to accept her gracious offer with a resounding yes, I stopped. I stopped because in an instant a flood of thoughts rushed through my brain. An orgasm would be amazing after being denied for so long but the pleasure would be fleeting. I knew that soon after cumming I would probably start reverting back to my old ways. Would I still go out of my way to carefully pack her lunch each day or instead get lazy and grab the first things I could find and toss them in her bag? Would I still be as eager to give her a foot massage or would suddenly I be to "busy" to get to that when she needed one? I hoped that I wouldn't slack of that much but I couldn't be sure. Miss H deserves only the best, only my full devotion and effort. By cumming I was putting that at risk and that's why I respectfully declined her offer and didn't cum. Instead I was instructed to pull out of her, adjust my dress and stockings, and then cuddle up next to her so we could fall asleep in each others arms.

I don't regret that decision for one minute, not even as I look at the calender and see I have at least another month and a half before I'll even get the chance to cum again.

Such is the power of an FLR.

New Dress

Here are a couple of pics of my new dress. It's a lot different then the usual whore or sissy type outfits I normally wear but I actually kind of like it, well, when you slut it up a bit with stockings and some 6" platforms. Miss H says its the perfect "summery" dress, with it's lace and pretty little white flowers on it (they're kind of hard to see in the pics).

Pain slut

I'm a little late in posting this but here goes, about a week ago Miss H was in the middle of a quite extreme session of caning my ass when she suddenly stopped and I heard a muted laugh. I wasn't really sure what was going on but like a good slave I maintained my position, bent over grabbing my ankles, and patiently waited for what I assumed would be the next cane strike. Instead, Miss H motioned me to stand up so I could see the reason for the temporary pause in my beating.

In her outstretched hands was the beautiful red rattan cane, splintered and snapped in two. Miss H had caned me so long and hard that night the cane had actually broken over my ass. This wasn't a cheap piece of junk either, but a gorgeous, hand dipped cane that I had acquired at Le Chateau Exotique several years ago. Standing there looking at the broken implement of torture I wasn't sure if I should be upset over losing such a nice cane, or weirdly happy that I had taken such punishment without cracking myself.

Since Miss H prefers the cane over a paddle, belt, etc we've already begun looking into getting a nice new one. Pretty sure it's going to be another rattan cane but just to be thorough were also looking at synthetic materials like lexan and even steel as well. Speaking of which, Miss H also told me she was interested in getting one of those telescopic police batons as well. I found one on Amazon.com that I think she'll like and it's only like $20 which isn't bad. The idea of her using though? That makes me a little nervous...

Tampon training

The other day I was lucky enough to be able to head to the beach for the day to sneak in a little fun and relaxation. Last time I went without Miss H she wasn't to pleased about being stuck at work so she insisted I wear the cage when I went. I wrote about that here if you missed it. Anyway, this time she was doubly annoyed about my mini one day vacation. Not only was she stuck at work all day while I would be relaxing on the soft sands of the beach, she was just starting her period. This was no doubt on her mind when she left one of her tampons on my bathroom sink.

I kind of figured what she had in store for me but I innocently asked her about it anyway, hoping she was just joking around. She just kind of chuckled and in no uncertain terms let me know that since she was stuck dealing with tampons, the least I could do was wear one as well to get a feel for what she was going through. There was no point arguing, so I mumbled a "thank you Mistress", and went back to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the beach. A little, ok a lot, of lube later and the tampon was resting comfortably inside me.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful but in a weird way I enjoyed having the tampon in me. Not so much for the physical feeling, but because it served as a constant reminder of just how submissive I've become to Miss H. It was a wonderful ego crusher, because every time I walked by some big buff dude I instantly felt inferior, a pathetic sissy with a tampon string hanging out of her ass. Each time I caught myself staring at a hot chick in a skimpy bikini, I kind of cringed, thinking about how they would laugh hysterically if they knew what I was doing for my Mistress.

Random Fun

I love when Miss H just randomly messages me with dirty thoughts or a humiliating task she wants me to carry out. Like for example the other night I was in the bedroom watching a baseball game while she  was in her office catching up with a few things. Out of the blue I get a txt message saying -

"Since ur just porning it up in there anyway, go ahead and fill that pussy of urs with the dildo of ur choosing and send pics. Remove it before coming out here for dinner."

That was it, nothing more, nothing less, just degrade myself for her amusement. It didn't take long to accomplish that task. Here is what I sent back to her -

You'll notice from the last pic that it didn't take long to put on the proper wardrobe and watch as the precum soon began flooding out.

Update on the Points of Intrigue

So after yesterday's post about the spiky new addon for my CB-6000, I got to test out the Points of Intrigue in more depth later in the day. When Miss H got home from work she allowed me the pleasure of sucking and kissing her feet after removing all my clothes and getting down on all fours before her. It didn't take long before I started to feel the blood rush into Miss H's sissy cock. I managed to barely get my tongue halfway down her foot before the pain shot through me and made me buck up. The pain of the spikes with a mild erection is nothing like the one from a real full erection.

This of course elicited a evil chuckle from Miss H. She made some joke about the spikes, I don't remember exactly what it was because I was to busy trying not to scream out in pain. It wasn't the most painful thing I've ever felt but it certainly wasn't something that I would call enjoyable. It did provide enough of a kick though that it didn't take long to lose my attempted erection. Which would have been good except that Miss H insisted I continue with her foot worship. So a vicious cycle was born, I would begin licking her feet which quickly brought about a new erection, which then caused me to curl into the fetal position until it started to subside, and then repeat. Over and over until Miss H was satisfied I had suffered enough.

Thankfully I was allowed to take it off after I had completed my task to her satisfaction. The points of intrigue have gone from what I thought would be nothing more then a mere novelty to something that I would genuinely dread being made to wear again. I can totally see a scenario where Miss H would do something wicked like have the spikes in place and send a non-stop barrage of sexy txt msg's while I'm at work or out with friends. The thought of me doubling over in pain while out in a public place would delight her to no end, she would revel in the pure power she has over me even when we would be so very far apart. Or how evil would it be to simply tie me to the bed and place my laptop on the dresser, porn playing while I'm both desperately horny and yet struggling to not get an erection at the same time for fear of feeling those spikes?

Points of Intrigue

I've been wearing my CB-6000 for months now on a daily basis and have found it to be quite comfortable and wearing it has become as routine a part of my day as brushing my teeth. It's been so long since I've had this particular model of the CB series that I had forgotten about one particular little accessory that Miss H purchased when she bought the CB-6000 for me last year. It's called the "points of intrigue" and it consists of a short plastic piece that slides into the base of the cock cage and has three sharp plastic teeth on it that are then pressed down against the wearers penis.

It basically serves two main purposes -

1) To provide additional security by preventing the user from attempting to escape the cage by pulling the shaft of the penis back out through the entrance of the CB-6000.You could still possibly due it,  but the resulting pain and damage would be enough of a deterrent for most men.

2) Make any attempt at achieving an erection while in the cage that much more painful. Anyone who has worn a cock cage before can attest that getting an erection while locked down is unpleasant as your penis is crushed and confined inside. With the points of intrigue it's even worse. The slightest erection and the pointy spikes immediately dig into you and cause sufficient pain to soften right up.

Anyway, last night Miss H gave me an especially long and wonderful tease and denial session. As we were basking in the afterglow (well, she was basking in post orgasmic bliss while I lay there desperate for any sort of release, pre cum flowing through the front of my panties like a broken water pipe) she mentioned that I could take a break from the CB-6000 and keep it off until noon today. I was surprised by her generosity but it didn't take long to find out why.

She wanted to try the points of intrigue today and by letting me put on the cage and spikes at noon, I would only have to wear them a few hours before she got home instead of the entire day. That way if the cage was now too painful with the new additional security in place, I didn't have to suffer to long. She also allowed me to use a plastic lock instead of the normal metal one so if there was an actual emergency such as severe physical damage I could cut the lock off right away. Of course having the lock off before Miss H arrived home would result in a severe penalty. This was still better then having a penis that looked like it when through something from Saw or Hostel.

So, what's the verdict after having Miss H's cock caged and wrapped in spikes for the past hour? Well, so far the spikes are definitely pressing into the shaft rather deep but it's not overly painful, then again I've been rather sedentary since it's been on and haven't exactly been doing jumping jacks. Also, and probably most importantly, I haven't had an erection since it has been on. So long as I remain relatively calm, the spikes don't seem that bad. Yes, they're firmly pressing into my flesh but the force is directly downward so it's more a feeling of pressure then pain. 

When the penis is moved, such as when I would get hard or when I try to adjust Miss H's cock inside the cage (which I literally just did to test the effects of the spikes) then because the spikes are already pushing down, they tend to scrape across and dig into the penis as the skin is pulled or moved. While not a kick in the kidney's type pain, it certainly is enough to make you grunt under your breath and wince rather severely. It's more then enough negative reinforcement to prevent activities that Miss H would frown upon.

I don't know how practical it would be to wear the points of intrigue on a daily basis due to the risk of injury, but for short periods such as a day or so then they would be an interesting thing to play around with. Then again that's the same thing I said when Miss H first started putting me in my cock cage to begin with, so who knows what the future holds, for I'm sure Miss H has all sorts of diabolical ideas in mind for the cage and those spikes.

Caged, plugged, diapered, and dressed.

A more descriptive title you could not come up with for the fun Miss H and I had last night. There is nothing that really gets me going as much as walking into the bedroom and seeing  the following laid out on the dresser for me to wear - my pink sating sissy dress, white crinoline, elbow length pink opera gloves, stockings, white platform shoes, some thick diapers, plastic panties, and a nice big butt plug.

The rules were simple, I would be wearing the diapers, CB-6000 cock cage, and  butt plug until I managed to piss the diaper while Miss H watched and laughed at me. I would be dressed of course the whole time and those would remain on the entire night, but sissy cock and ass wouldn't be released until I had earned it by showing my willingness to humiliate myself to Miss H. Naturally, to make it more difficult for me, Miss H again insisted that I first go into the bathroom and pee so I was totally empty before getting dressed and diapered up. The clock was then both literally and figuratively ticking because Miss H made it clear that she was tired and would be going to bed exactly at midnight. If I wanted any hope of having her touch that pathetic little sissy clit I would have to wet my diaper relatively soon because it wasn't until almost 10pm that I was fully dressed and the challenge began.

It was both highly erotic and horribly humiliating, dressed like a wimpy bitch, desperately gulping down water so I could pee in a diaper with only a remote chance of getting any sexual release and even then perhaps a few strokes of her hand at best. The entire time she barely paid any attention to me at all. I have a virtually all consuming level of horniness in place from the nightly tease and denial sessions so I'm completely focused on Miss H 24/7 and yet she was happy to just sit there and watch television while while I sat there literally shaking from pent up desire and sexual frustration. That level of dismissal and disregard may be upsetting to some people but it only gets me wetter. It drives me further into submission and a feeling of worthlessness, one that helps further define my state of subservience to my beautiful Mistress.

Oh, and if you're curious I finally was able to piss myself around 11:15. However by then it was almost to late, Miss H was getting tired as was evident by her virtually ignoring me as I stood in front of her, wetting my diaper. Normally she would have watched with a sick smile on her face, the whole time berating and making fun of me for what I was being forced to do. This time though her face was buried in a magazine and she glanced up once or twice then sent me off to clean up before returning for my reward, being unlocked from the cock cage and masturbated to near orgasm over and over again. Shortly after I fell asleep in her arms, fully dressed, her leg gently brushing against my white stockings, secure in the knowledge that there was no where else in the world I would rather be at that moment in time.

Here we go again

The past few days have remained rather calm, with Miss H and I both busy with various things so the tease and denial has been limited at best over the past few days. My nightly canings still continued right on schedule, funny how that never gets a break though ;) Last night we fell asleep together and again, no release, not even a single touch was in the cards. Then suddenly in the middle of the night I was awoken to the feeling of Miss H generously stroking me through my panties. This soon led to more intense hand action as she started in by whispering in my ear what a little sissy I was and how she planned to use and abuse me Sunday night.

As usual, when she grew tired of playing me with she discarded me like an empty soda can, dismissing me so she could roll over and fall back asleep, without the slightest concern for the ravenous sexual hunger that had once again been stirred up inside me. There was nothing I could do except try to breath slowly and deeply to calm down, and try and fall asleep, trying to ignore the pool of precum that had soaked through my panties. Oh well, perhaps tomorrow night will bring some relief. If by relief you mean being made to wear a large butt plug and chastity cage underneath a thick diaper while wearing a horribly humiliating light pink sissy dress and white crinoline. Miss H already said she will be taking pictures so expect them soon enough afterwards.