I find it incredibly interesting to check my Blogger stats to see where my visitors are coming from. The largest amount are from google searches, my Tumblr, and Miss H's blog. The search terms used are usually 95% some combination of "diaper, sissy, butt plug, diapered, or whore" which is interesting because it means a lot more people are interested in that sort of thing then I imagined. I'm sure that a number of those people are searching those terms because they like the freak show aspect of it and are only viewing the pics to make fun of and be mean to people (which in a weird way turns me on) or because they actively find it very erotic and hot (which *really* turns me on).
I noticed that one of my top referring URL's the other day was a Yahoo search for "diaper sissys". I was on the second page of results for those particular search terms, behind a number of eBay listings for sissy clothes and accessories (which reminds me, Miss H, I have a bunch of new things on my Christmas wish list ;) Anyway, while perusing and checking out the other listings I stumbled across a rather interesting website called Diaperedsissy.com
DISCLAIMER: I have absolutely no affiliation with that site. I'm not a member, don't get any financial gain from linking to it, and have no idea who runs it. I'm not even suggesting you pay to join, I mention it because I found the photos in the free preview kind of hot and I really enjoyed reading the rather long intro/story that goes along with them on the second page of the site.
So I emailed the link to Miss H yesterday afternoon so she could check it out. We were pretty busy last night so it wasn't until much later that I had an opportunity to talk to her about it. I hadn't heard back from her during the day so I as we were getting ready for bed I asked if she had seen the website. She briefly mentioned that she had then with a look on her face like she just found a dead mouse under the sofa, said "isn't that just adult baby stuff?". I suddenly felt kind of embarrassed and awkward, because normally our kinks are in lock step so it was strange to have her seem surprised by something.
I have no problem with adult baby stuff, it's just not my exact cup of tea. I realize that some of the things I like also are quite popular with ABDL fans but my motivation is slightly different. I'm not looking to become a baby again, happy in the safety and tranquility of a play pen while a "nanny" gently takes care of me. I want the exact opposite, a cruel Mistress to brutally control and humiliate me by transforming me from a man into a helpless little bitch forced to endure the crushing embarrassment of being made to wear sissy clothes and trapped in a thick diaper, my most basic of human functions controlled by someone else. My ultimate goal is abject humiliation and degradation, and "diaper sissy" training is just one (very huge) aspect of it. Diapers, sissy attire, and the like are just tools to help achieve that goal.
There are plenty of things about the intro on that site that I find distasteful such as all the shit play going on. Not my thing at all, neither is eating pureed baby food all the time. However being forced to eat like that through a tube is kind of hot, and being kept like a helpless sissy in bondage and diapers all day is just plain awesome. The loss of control, the humiliation, the submission to someone else, the chastity, the tease and denial, the fetish aspects, it has it all. I would have jerked off to it numerous times by now if Miss H hadn't had me locked up tight in my CB-6000 cage.
I had a lot more I wanted to write but I just received an interesting txt from Miss H that requires my attention. More later.