Healing

Not a lot of news of the kink front, Miss H and I are still keeping things kind of mellow as we wait out the current medical condition. I got my lab work back from the Dr. about a week ago and there was no bacterial infection that they could find so while that's good, it doesn't explain the cause of the epididymitis. I'm scheduled to go back in a few days for a follow up with my primary care doctor and at this point I'm assuming he'll either try to put me on a multi week dose of anti-biotic just to ensure there isn't an infection of some sort hiding out in a remote location or a referral to a urologist for more tests or what not.

Miss H and I have had sex (of the actual intercourse variety) several times since all of this started but its been kind of nerve racking on my part at least because I can't seem to really enjoy things because I'm constantly in medical mode trying to analyze what's happening while we're in the middle of things. Is there any pain in my scrotum? Does it feel any different when I thrust hard verses softly entering her? When I'm cumming does it hurt? Is the force great or less then it usually is? It feels like I'm kind of observing things from afar as opposed to being in the moment and enjoying it.

Thankfully there haven't really been any major problems or pain pop up (although, of course, today I'm a little sore after being fine for a few days) so I'm thinking of asking Miss H to see if she's interested in possibly, slowly, ramping things up again and see how that works out. Then after I see the Dr. and hopefully get the all clear, really returning to how things use to be even if that's initially at a much slower pace until things are totally healed up.

Update

In my last post I mentioned that it seemed I had prostatitis. Well after doing a bit more research on my own and getting a second opinion, it seems as though The earlier diagnosis was incorrect and in fact it appears to be a case of epididymitis. To make a long story short that's an inflammation of some tubes in the testicles. It seems to be a very minor case of it, which is good, but it's still a pain in the butt because sex is temporarily off the table. I'm going in for a more in depth urinalysis sometime in the next few days which should help determine whether it's bacterial based, and therefore will be treated with antibiotics, or caused by something else. Until the results are back I'm supposed to hold off on any and all sexual activity whether it be masturbating or anything with Miss H.

Right now I'm worried about whether the epididymitis may have somehow been caused by the constant edging/tease and denial/chastity play we've been engaged in and enjoying for the past year or so. I'm going to try and do some investigating online and see what I can come up with while I'm waiting for things to heal. It's kind of scary to think that something both Miss H and I liked so much might be no longer a viable way of life is kind of a big blow and an issue we definitely need to sit down and talk about. I really hope we will be able to find a way to keep on doing what we were doing and finally get back into our FLR groove.

The dick is cursed.

You know for someone who's not even 40 yet, I sure do seem to have a lot of health issues related to the cock. Most of the time it's just various scrapes, bruises, and other assorted injuries from an overly aggressive sex life, but this time it was something I didn't expect. Prostatitis. Or at least that's what my own extensive self diagnosis (thank you Google) has led me to believe. Basically I was getting some minor pressure and discomfort that would occasionally crop up during or sometime after an extensive session of tease and denial from Miss H.

Basically what was happening was all that tease and denial with no release was causing a lot of pressure to build up in the area near the prostate. That pressure would normally be released from ejaculation or from teasing that wasn't happening multiple times a day, virtually every day for weeks. The prostate gets annoyed and starts giving you problems ranging from painful ejaculation to trouble peeing. Luckily for me my only symptoms were, like I said, just some amount of pressure in the area that just didn't feel right.

I was a little to embarrassed to mention all the tease and denial stuff to the Dr. (I know, I should have), so he kind of just mentioned possible prostatitis and prescribed some antibiotics because he thought it was probably bacterial in nature. Miss H has kindly allowed me to fully cum multiple times recently to kind of "clear out the pipes" and hopefully help fix things. She's been very understanding about the whole thing and we're slowing things down a bit until things get better. So far things seem to be proceeding nicely, no real pain or complications, and I finished the antibiotics yesterday. With any luck we'll be back in the swing of things in no time ;)

Two nights of fun.

The past two nights have been the most fun I've had sexually in a while. Nothing major was pre-planned, the two of us just decided to relax and just "see what happens", knowing full well a good amount of kink of fun was in store in some form or another. Trash TV on in the background, a few bottles of adult beverages freshly opened, and all night to do what ever we wanted. There are to many things we dabbled in to fit into one blog post so I'm just going to hit a few of my personal highlights -

1) Being dressed in my go to slut outfit, a micro short, shiny silver club dress with white garters and stockings, and my 6" white platforms. No makeup or wig, other then polish on my fingers and toes. I stayed dressed like that the majority of both nights and it was awesome. The best part was around 11pm we started to see lightning outside (this was the night of that big storm here in the mid atlantic area). Miss H asked if my car windows were closed because it was going to rain soon. "No, they're down about an inch or so", I replied. "Well, you better hurry up and put them up before the rain comes", was her smug reply. I started to voice some opposition about having to get changed and not wanting to get back into boy clothes. "I never said I was going to let you change", she quipped and pointed to the front door. Thanks to probably one to many shots I barely even argued, just got up and walked to the door.

While we don't live on Broadway or anything, there are still enough cars going by and people sitting outside on a hot night to make this a bit of a risky proposition. I poked my head out the front door and seeing as how the coast looked clear I started briskly walking the two hundred feet or so to my car, my heels clacking away on the concrete with every step. I was to nervous to look around to see if anybody had spotted me so I kept my head forward and made a bee line for the car. I did was needed to be done and then high tailed it back inside. Miss H watched the whole thing from our front door, smiling as her lingerie clad sissy marched out in public, just yards away from all of our neighbors. I'm not sure what I would have done if someone had seen me, but luckily that didn't happen.

That particular task that Miss H made me complete was both extremely scary and a huge turn on at the same time. I guess you could consider it sort of a "mean" task because it didn't really bring about any pleasure, it's sole purpose was to scare and potentially seriously embarrass me. Strangely though the "meaner" Miss H is the more I feel she loves me. When she's "nice", I can't help but feel she's just indulging my fantasies. But when out of the blue she pushes my limits and does something cruel and unexpected, then somehow that translates to me that we're on the same wave length sexually and she's just as much into being kinky as I am. Like, the FLR is our thing that we share equally and by being dominant and vicious she's just reinforcing that dynamic. The more I become submissive, the more she becomes dominant, it's our relationship's method of maintaining homeostasis.

2) Last night after getting into some tease and denial for a while, Miss H wanted to take a small break. Not stop any sexual activity entirely, but just take a pause to grab another drink or two and just relax before getting back into things. I on the other hand was nothing but a raging hardon so the whole concept was just bizarre to me. I tried snuggling up to her, rubbing her breasts gently, hoping to get her back in the mood, but she seemed more intent on doing other things. She put up with it for a few minutes before basically telling me to back off, and leave her alone. Of course that kind of bitchy attitude (which she normally doesn't have in more vanilla times) only causes me to get that much hornier. "No. Wait", she said as I was starting to roll over in bed to my side. "I've got a better idea, go get your fleshlight", she said.

I shot over to the closet and returned with the fake pussy masturbator. She was already sitting up in bed as she unscrewed the cap of the toy and held it up in front of her so I could squirt some lube in it. She then held it down by her side like she was holding a TV remote or something, firm grip but very nonchalant about it. "Well, what are you waiting for", she said with an almost angry tone in her voice. As I quickly rolled back against her and slid the cock between the folds of the silicone sleeve, I saw her grab the actual remote with her other hand and begin checking the on screen guide to see what was on TV. At first I thought she was being so inattentive as a way to belittle and humiliate me (she knows I love that with a passion), but after the first few minutes passed and she seemed completely uninterested in dealing with me what so ever, I became equally mortified and completely aroused. Here was her soon to be husband, dressed in women's clothes, furiously pumping into a fake pussy just inches from her and she was completely oblivious to anything other then the episode of Bridezilla's which happened to be on. The feeling of rejection was deep, almost physical, as five minutes turned into fifteen, which turned into half and hour, and before I realized it, almost a whole hour had passed, and then it was only  over because Miss H stopped because her wrist was getting sore from holding the Fleshlight. Emotionally I felt horrible, like Miss H was utterly disgusted by me, yet once again, no matter how much I felt emotionally battered and on the verge of tears, the cock betrayed me my darkest desires, for it stayed hard and dripping the entire time, desperate to cum, desperate to finally earn release.

Diaper Chastity

Miss H has been battling some form of strep throat/virus/bubonic plague on and off for weeks now. It gets almost completely better then suddenly the sore throat and general feelings of fatigue, aches, etc kick right back in. We seem to be in the midst of another outbreak, this time her doctor saying it's a virus and not strep. So anyway to make a long story short she has been a trooper but she really isn't feeling quite up to snuff. Last night, as usual, I was straining in my cock cage from being overly horny. I started massaging Miss H all over and occassionaly rubbing up against her with some dry humping on her leg. She always seems to get some amusement from this and gently rubs my head while I slide against her fully clothed leg like a dog in heat.

I think she just likes to screw with me because I can never tell what her true intentions are. I'll be rubbing against her and gently playing with her nipples and she'll just continue on reading a magazine like I don't even exist. I start to feel guilty like I'm just being overly needy and hounding her so I back off. I'll start to calm down and then a few minutes later out of the blue she'll roll over next to me in bed and start whispering the dirtiest fantasies I can imagine into my ear. I instantly get all charged up again and try to start something with her once more. She might continue, teasing the cock through my shorts with a few strokes before dismissing me with a, "I'm bored with you, that's all for tonight". I'll try to do as she asks even though I'm leaking pre-cum every where by this time and groaning in pain as the CB-6000 cock cage clamps down tight around me. She might continue on like this for the next hour or so or, she might just roll over and go to sleep that very minute. 

By the end of the night I was practically delirious I was so horny. If Miss H made even the most subtle sexual comment or just lightly touched my leg with her beautiful toes, I was off like a rocket to snuggle up with her and try to put my hands on every inch of her sexy body. At some point I guess she had enough of me following her around like a little puppy needy for attention so she told me to flat out roll onto my side of the bed, go to sleep, and not try to touch her again. She was in no mood for any more of my fumbling sexual advances. I don't remember exactly what I said, probably just complaining and asking for more attention from her, when she finally got fed up. "I guess I'm not going to get any sleep or will you as long as you want me to touch that little clit of yours", she said. "I suppose the only answer is to put you in a diaper to keep it safely tucked away so no one will be able to touch it anymore tonight." I immediately started back tracking, telling her not to worry, I would leave her completely alone now that I realize she wasn't in the mood to play any more. "No, no it's to late for that. I like that idea, go get your diapers for me", was her only reply.

When I'm pretty deep in subspace, the thought of diapers just sends me through the roof. When we're just kind of chilling out in bed as vanilla couple though, it's a bit different. I don't hate the idea of diapers but the humiliation they arise in me, especially in front of Miss H, makes them a much less enjoyable experience. Two minutes before bed and having pretty much calmed down from anticipating there wouldn't be any more fun to be had is not exactly the perfect mind set for the embarrassment I feel of getting diapered in front of Miss H. Within minutes I was getting my regular diaper ensemble ready, a pullup, extra liner insert, thick plastic ultra absorbency diaper, duct tape to run around the top to keep things nice and tight, and pair of plastic panties. All of which hidden beneath my regular shorts and t-shirt that I normally wear to bed.

I assumed the new rules Miss H implemented the last time she diapered me were still in effect and I was right. Any time I had to pee during the night I was to wake up Miss H and ask for her permission and then do it while I stood up in front of her. I was only allowed to take off the diaper once I had peed before taking my morning shower before work. If I had not peed then I wouldn't be allowed out of it and would have to wear it to work and keep it on until I had. Not wanting that to happen I drank some water before bed, a *lot* of water, just to be safe. I would soon regret that.

The first time I woke up was around 2 in the morning. I didn't really want to wake up Miss H because I knew she wasn't feeling well but at the same time I didn't want to disregard a direct order so I did as she asked. It didn't take long but the mental burn of standing there wearing a diaper and asking permission from the woman you love to be allowed to piss yourself was rough. Thank god the lights were off and it was dark because some times she makes me look her in the eyes when I'm peeing and that just kills me. Anyway, the diaper was soon warm and full but not really wet as the inner material seemed to wick most of it away. I fell back asleep quickly and hoped that would be the last time.

It wasn't.

Around 5am I woke up again and had to repeat the whole process once more. Then again a third time just as I was getting up to take a shower. That time I did it myself alone in the bathroom because technically I had followed her orders as far as peeing before taking my shower went. When I finally did cut off the diaper I noticed not only that I was still surprisingly dry (probably could have gone an entire day if I had too) but that the cock was fully hard and dripping pre-cum like a leaky garden hose. Here's a picture I snapped when I was finished.

Being forced to wear the diaper was hot, but the thing I enjoyed the most was just the sheer spontaneity of it. We hadn't planned anything for that night and in fact her diapering me was probably more to shut me up and give her some time to sleep then it was to try and get me off, and that's what's the biggest turn on, having a beautiful, dominant woman, who is just as comfortable diapering me to keep me quite as she is picking up a prescription at Walgreen's. The fact that things like this are becoming interwoven into the fabric of our daily lives and not just a "game" we play on the occasional weekend, is more awesome then I can really put into words. Life is good.

A cruel game.

While I was never a huge fan of movies like Saw, I did find the evil rules and horrible choices they had to make, appealing in some weird way. Having to do something so unpleasant in order to earn something they so desperately wanted kind of played into the submissive streak inside me. The one that craves abuse (not on the Saw type level of course), humiliation, and utter lack of control. I like the feeling of being pushed passed my level of comfort in order to receive some relief or as a means to get something I want.

This tends to happen all the time when I get beyond the level of my normal horniness. Now I'm horny on pretty much a 24/7 basis but the thought of drinking my own cum doesn't really get me going till I reach that place where I'm "really" horny. For instance, when Miss H has spent a good portion of the night relentlessly teasing me with both her hand and her verbal abuse, I start out by begging for release. Asking for her to allow me to cum or to perhaps even be inside of her. This is of course just lip service because I know she's going to say no but I still have to try, because every now and then she'll allow me a ruined orgasm if she's feeling nice.

Like I said though, that's rare, so before long I try to bargain with her. I don't really have a lot of chips in my corner so I offer up the only thing I do have, the willingness to degrade myself in order to receive the brief pleasure of an orgasm. I'll offer up drinking my own cum from a glass if she'll just let me have even a ruined orgasm. She makes me do that anyway when I'm milked every two weeks so that offer is usually met with immediate scorn from her. So I ramp things up a bit, sexual release in exchange for a a larger then normal butt plug inside me. Or being made to lay naked in the shower and forced to pee on myself. Anything that I can think of that make pique her interest enough to give me what I want so badly.

She almost never relents to my offers, I'm not sure if that's because she simply won't negotiate and "no cumming tonight" means exactly that, "no cumming tonight" under any circumstances or if my offers of humiliation aren't severe enough for her to enjoy. I've subtly suggested that I really get off on the idea of having a truly nasty humiliation/punishment of her choosing available to me in order to trade for the opportunity to cum. It would have to be something that really pushed me into uncharted territory, a task that pushed the line of what I was willing to do. The idea of having one orgasm any time I wanted to take it, just as long as I was willing to face the consequences. 

A task like walking into Target to buy a designated item but having to do while wearing some obvious piece of women's clothing (bright pink ballet flats or women's jeans and frilly shirt) or dress in my normal guy clothes but be forced to wear my big double D breast forms under a tight t-shirt with my nails painted neon pink. Perhaps made to wear full diaper gear and made to wear them for 24 straight hours before being allowed to take them off. Who knows, the possibilities are endless, anything that straddles the line between turn on and causing a near panic attack would fit the bill.

The idea of the stress and internal arguments I would go through as I struggled to decide if I was really horny enough to do something that terrible to earn that pleasure. Every time Miss H teased me and stroked the cock knowing I could get what I wanted, all I had to do was just say yes to what she offered me. Each passing day making the decision harder and harder until it becomes almost unbearable to not do it yet at the same time being scared silly of actually having to do through with it. It's one thing to deal with the hopelessness of being denied something, it's another to know you have the power to get it, you just have to be brave enough to reach up and grab it.

Fun in the sun.

Today is just balls ass nasty outside. Temperatures in the 90's, humidity like a sauna, and just an unpleasant experience to be outside. Luckily yesterday was a bit nicer when I had the day off. Still, it was pretty hot out then too so not wanting to just sit inside all day, I decided I'd take a quick trip down to the beach. Didn't want to go all the way down to Rehoboth, Delaware or any where that was going to be to packed with obnoxiously loud crowds of people, I instead figured I'd head off to a small tucked away beach that for the most part quite serene and quite, except for the occasional bird watcher or fisherman putting their boat into the water.

It was low tide when I got there so the beach stretched on for a couple of miles or so (it's much smaller when the tide comes in). It was quite the picturesque scene with seagulls running along the edge of the water and the waves gently lapping at the shore. I walked for a while along the beach admiring the sites and saying hello to the random people who popped up now and again.

It's amazing what a few days in chastity can do to you however, because even among all that beauty I couldn't stop thinking about the caged cock tucked inside panties that were neatly concealed by my cargo shorts. On a whim I decided to txt Miss H and let her know what I was up to. She enjoyed the pictures I took, hopefully you will too.