Diaper Humiliation

I have to be honest, I'm into virtually anything and everything kinky. Obviously certain things are a bigger turn on to me then others, but generally speaking I like to dabble in just about everything. Recently I've started playing around a bit with wearing big, thick, padded diapers with plastic panties over top. The adult baby thing isn't really my particular kink per se (but if you are, more power to you), but I do find it enjoyable for two reasons. First because I find it highly humiliating, which I get off on, and second because it's one more way that Miss H has control over me.

She basically controls when and where I'm allowed to pee and in what manner. Now it's not like a catheter where it becomes completely involuntary, I mean after all I can hold it, but eventually the dam breaks shall we say and I go. That feeling of loss of control and utter degradation as I stand there before her urinating into a diaper because she's forced me to drink fluids all day is amazing. There's no way to feel anything but worthless and owned when you slink away after wards to change as your Mistress just smiles and laughs at you.

Yesterday morning I casually mentioned something about the diaper to Miss H. I say casually because it's something that I'm still rather embarrassed to talk about with her so I didn't want to make a big deal about. Anyway, she didn't say much about it so I assumed we were done on that particular topic when she out of the blue said we were going to see a movie that afternoon and oh by the way, I would be wearing a nice big bulky diaper for the rest of the day. I was both super turned on and mortified at the same time. Thrilled to be allowed to wear the diaper, scared to death at the thought of wearing it underneath my clothes out in public for the rest of the afternoon.

I wanted to be really padded when I went out both because I like feeling like I'm wearing a big diaper and not just a diaper that feels like a pair of underwear and also because I was scared of any potential accidents in public. The latter was almost guaranteed not to happen because the diapers I use are very effective, but just to make sure I started with some basic pull up diapers with an added male guard insert, then attached a nice thick pair of Tranquility all through the nights, and finally covered up everything with a pair of clear plastic panties.

In my vanilla life I usually wear kind of baggy cargo pants and I was really glad I did this particular day because they did a really good job of covering up the extreme girth and size of the diapers. It felt like I had a watermelon between my legs as I started walking out to the car. I asked Miss H if anything looked readily visible and she smiled and said of course not. Somehow I didn't quite believe her but at this point what other choice did I really have. We soon got to the mall and as we walked through the parking lot to the movie theater I was crazy self conscious about things, pulling my shirt down constantly to try and hide what I imagined was a giant hump showing through my pants. I was sure that everyone would know exactly what was going on the minute they saw me.

Another couple walking close to us started to laugh about something and immediately my chest constricted as a wave of panic raced through my body. Instantly I assumed they saw me and were making fun of me. I don't think I took a breath again until out of the corner of my eye I noticed that they weren't even paying the slightest bit of attention to us and were instead reading something on his cell phone. After getting our tickets and food we hung out in the lobby for a while until our particular theater was open and available. For a minute I even started to relax a bit because by now we'd been in the mall and movie theater for probably close to 15-20 minutes and it appeared as though no one had been the wiser about the diaper wearing sissy bitch among them.

Mistress of course seemed to be in absolute heaven as she watched me act like a nervous little school girl among all these people. She would lean in toward me and say things like "how many men do you think are wearing diapers out here today besides you? Probably not many because real men aren't little bitches like you and want to wearing a fucking diaper out in public." She was only really whispering but I was getting a bit freaked out that someone might over hear our conversation so I made the mistake of telling her not to talk to loudly.

Mental note, don't do that *EVER* again.

She looked at me, took at a glance over at the three hot young teen girls standing maybe 10 feet from us, looked back at me, and then in a loud voice calmly said, "what's the matter you don't people to know that you asked me to allow you to wear a diaper out in public today?" My stomach curled into a death grip and I think for at least a moment or two my heart stopped as I looked around in a panic. Thankfully, the girls seemed to be to absorbed in their own conversation to pay attention to anything going on around them so they didn't even bat an eyelash or turn around. The ghostly white look on my face was enough to let Mistress know that I had learned my lesson, and learned it quickly.

As we walked into our theater I couldn't help but think about what Mistress told me on the drive down. I had boasted about how this particular configuration of diapers was rated for some obscene amount of fluid retention and time length without leaking, when she simply said, "that's good to know, maybe I'll make you keep it on for the next day or so". I didn't think she would actually make me do it but with Miss H you never really know, she can be devious when you least expect it.

While waiting for the movie to start, and for the sound to begin (apparently the dude up in the projection booth was to busy txting his girlfriend to realize there was no audio), I snapped a quick pic of me in our seats. I don't think the bulge in my pants from the diaper is overly noticeable and it was actually quite comfortable to wear. The quality of the pic is rather crappy, but I didn't want to use a flash and the theater was rather dark so after several attempts this was the best one. I should have taken a few more pics like while I was getting dressed, etc but at the time I didn't even think about it so this is all I've got for now.

Oh, and as a final kick in the nuts. Mistress leans over and whispers in my ear, "to bad your wearing that diaper, as a reward I was going to jerk you off but I guess I can't now can I, what with you all secured in that nice, thick, diaper..." She smiled, I groaned, and the movie began.

Another lonely night without Miss H

With Miss H out of town for a few days I'm left to fend for myself for a while. I was caged before she left so she wouldn't have to worry about me playing with my little clit while she was away. You'd think that after being so nice and giving me four ruined orgasms this week I'd be a little more relaxed but it's actually the exact opposite. With my cock in the cage I've become obsessed with the fact I can't access it. It's only been a few days but right about now I would do just about anything for the opportunity to just stroke it for a few minutes.

Mistress and I have been communicating by txt message on and off all day and I think my constant whining for release have become to much. When I got the following txt I knew I had probably gone to far -

"Huh, I'm confused, then. I thought my sexual satisfaction WAS ur sexual satisfaction, sissy boy."

I immediately apologized but I wasn't surprised when her next text arrived.

"That's more like it. For your forgetfulness, u can put on your nightgown now. And after u put it on, finger ur little pussy for a few minutes, just to remind u who u r."

Mistress knows I hate the nightgown she bought for me. I prefer the sluttier lingerie/whore look but Mistress specifically got this nightgown which looks like something a middle aged housewife would wear. She insists that sometimes I wear things strictly for humiliation purposes.

 

Miss H seemed satisfied with my punishment for the night and went about taking care of some business she needed to attend to while I did pretty much the same. Then maybe 15 minutes ago I get a another txt from her teasing me about the cute guy she was flirting with in the hotel elevator on the way back to her room. She said he was attractive but not some huge alpha male stud. She teased me by saying how humiliating it would be for me to sleep with someone who wasn't even better looking then me, just someone who might actually be able to give her an orgasm.

Now what I might not have mentioned on this blog before, is that I have a huge cuckold desire that I've always wanted to act upon with Miss H. As you can see in the following picture, her txt had an immediate and painful result on my cock in the cage. It felt like I was going to burst out of the front opening I was so horny and dripping with precum.

I won't see Miss H again until some time Friday night. Until then I ache, and leak for her.

Things are a changing.

The relationship between MissH and I has always been strong but recently it's moved into a deeper, more intense level that is, for lack of a better word, amazing. I'm not going to go into all the details of why right now because Mistress seemed to want to be the one to blog about it, but I couldn't be more happy about things.

This past Sunday night was also our first experience playing around with Miss H's new strapon. It's seven inches of bright pink, ass fucking goodness attached to a women who was eager to exert her dominance over me in a brand new way. Ass play isn't something new to either of us, I love butt plugs, dildos, fingers, and anything else jammed deep inside of me, but using the strapon is much different, more personal, and definitely gives you the feeling of having no control of the situation. You become a hole to fuck, totally at the mercy of the one with the cock.

We started slow, as she inched the big dick into me, but it wasn't long before she had me holding my legs high in the air as she rammed into my pussy with a vengeance. As a man, there is probably no more submissive thing to do then be dressed in women's lingerie, laying on your back begging your Mistress to put her big rubber cock all the way inside you. That is of course, unless the next night she makes you do it again but this time strokes your tiny little cock until giving you a ruined orgasm while you feel her strapon completely inside you.

To watch cum slowly pour out of you and pool across your stomach with out the accompanying pleasure of a real orgasm is crushing. Mistress seemed to delight in my agony as she made me scoop it up with my hand and eat it. It tasted warm and bitter, but with Miss H towering over me, her cock pointing menacingly at me, you don't have any real option other then to obey. What cum I hadn't yet licked up was then rubbed across my stomach and chest as a final act of degradation.

The final tally - Fucked with a strapon 4 times - 3 times missionary, 1 time doggie style. 4 ruined orgasms over 2 nights. 1 ripped white garter belt and most importantly, a loving couple currently on cloud 9.

Feeling like a woman, and not in the way I expected.

As an adult who can usually create a coherent sentence and not drool all over himself, I think I'm smart enough to have always realized that there was a totally different set of rules for men and women when it came to appearances in our society. For men it was perfectly acceptable to be old (Sean Connery), dumpy (Alex Baldwin), or dirty (think Brad Pitt in Fight Club) and still be considered sexy. For women on the other hand, if you weren't 23, a size 0, and packing a pair of double D breasts then you might as well go hide under a rock because you're considered only slightly better looking then the Elephant Man.

I never really approved of that or thought that way myself but it wasn't anything that I obsessed over or paid that much attention to. Then a funny thing happened the other night when I was with Miss H.  After showering I walked into the bedroom for her to inspect me and remove the cock cage for a night of teasing and denial. I looked down at my body and was pretty happy with what I saw. I'm about 6' tall and weigh just over a 160lbs. I've always been rather fit and in shape so I think I'm generally speaking, pleasant enough to look at physically. Mistress picked out some clothes for me to wear, a short white bustier, black PVC ruffled skirt, white stockings and garter, and a pair of 6 inch white platform shoes.

It didn't take long for me to change and while I still get a bit nervous being dressed in front of my Mistress, it wasn't a big deal and we both laid down on the bed and began watching TV together. A short while later I happened to look down again at myself and suddenly I was almost in a panic, my stomach was just ever so slightly raised and visible. It wasn't the rock hard stomach that looked like all the porn chicks I watch on my laptop. Suddenly I didn't feel like the sexy women I had just thought I was moments before. My stomach hadn't suddenly gained 40 lbs in the ten minutes it had taken me to go from male to "fem" but it should felt like it had.

I then noticed that my arm had almost instinctively crossed my stomach in a way to cover it up. Miss H didn't notice at all but I was freaking out. I didn't feel like I was attractive at all anymore. I didn't think I looked like any of the women who most people consider super hot. Every time I moved I kept staring at my stomach, wondering if truly was flat enough, whether it was tight enough. Would Miss H suddenly notice and change her mind about how I look?

Looking back it was kind of sad actually. By putting on the clothes I was trying to emulate what a female would look like and even though I generally don't prefer super skinny women, I suddenly felt unattractive because that's what society says women should look like, and that wasn't exactly how I looked. I felt petty and shallow for suddenly being so focused on how I should be looking instead of how I truly am.

A few minutes went by I as I sat there and ran this whole mess through my head, finally I turned to Miss H and told her what I was thinking. At first I think she thought I was insane but then she kind of sat there with an amused look on her face and said something like "now you know what I go through on a daily basis". She seemed to appreciate the fact that I had sort of had a minor epiphany about things and had experienced, in a very minor way, what the vast majority of women are stuck dealing with all the time. I've garnered a whole new level of respect for the trials and tribulations that women are burdened with. So for any females that are reading this right now I can't say that I completely understand your situation but experiencing this was a good first step. No matter what a magazine article or commercial on TV might try to tell you, beauty isn't defined by others and held up as a status you can't reach, beauty is how you define yourself in your heart.

My Valentine's Day gift.

Seeing as how yesterday was Valentine's Day I was semi optimistic that I might actually be able to have a true orgasm or at the very least a ruined orgasm as a present from  MissH to celebrate the day. What I got was instead the exact opposite, a brand new CB-6000 chastity device.

Mistress has been using the CB-2000 for a while now and while it is effective, it's bulky and had a tendency to sometimes chaff me with its rear facing locking pins. So when I opened up Mistress's present I was both elated and dissapointed at the same time. Elated because I've wanted a CB-6000 for a while now but dissapointed because it was obvious that it would be going on soon and therefore no orgasm for me. Potentially more ominous is the fact that Miss H kept talking about how because this cock cage was more comfortable and easier to hide, she would be experimenting with much more *extended* periods of being locked up. I'm wearing it now and the initial test run will be for 24 hours to get accustomed to wearing it.

 Early impressions are that the CB-6000 is much more comfortable to wear. The tube portion of the cage is rather tight but with a dab of lube my cock slid right down into it. Because it's a solid piece, the tube sort of cradles my cock and keeps the normal metal lock Mistress uses from sliding down and clipping me with its edges. Also, because the tube points down, it much more closely mimics the natural contour of my penis, making it virtually undetectable under normal clothing.

One option for the cage that I haven't tried yet (or had a chance to get a pic of yet) is called the "Points of Intrigue". It's a small plastic insert for near the opening of the tube that has three sharp "fangs" pointing downward. It's a devilish little device that serves two main purposes -

1) It helps to destroy any chance of erection. It's hard enough to get an erection when your cock is clamped down in a small plastic tube, but now the slightest enlargement of my cock in the cage will be met with those sharp prongs which will obviously make any attempt at an erection instantly a extremely painful proposition.

2) It prevents cheating by pulling out a flacid penis through the back portion of the cage. The prongs are long enough where even when soft, pulling out your penis is going to entail the unpleasant thought of dragging your most sensitive organ against the unforgiving plastic of those pointy teeth.

I've only tested out the Points of Intrigue in a really precursory way, holding them against the base of my cock and very gently running them along the teeth, but even that was painful enough to put a real sense of dread into me. If there was ever a reason to keep Miss H happy while I'm wearing the cage, that is it.

Size matters

Miss H has a fun little habit of going into detail about her past sexual experiences with men she was with before we got together. Where she had sex with them, what she did with them, and one point she never fails to mention, how big their cocks were in comparison to mine. I'm not sure if she does this to try to get me off (I have a HUGE cuckold fantasy) or simply because she likes humiliating me. What ever the motive, it works. Now I've always considered myself to have an average size penis, not to big, not to small, but just right.


Unfortunately for me though this doesn't seem to be the case according to Mistress. She's constantly ridiculing me for how small it is and saying that's the reason she doesn't let me have sex with her, because she can barely feel it. I think it's more due to the fact she likes to see me squirm and beg for sex after being locked up in chastity for long periods of time, but honestly who knows?

As you can see from the first picture, my pathetic little cock is no match for the big dildo I've used on Miss H  before (the same dildo I want deep in my ass "pussy" so badly right now), nor does my tiny prick look all that menacing in the picture above. I've started to consciously try to make up for my lack of size by working harder on my oral skills and I even just bought a penis extender sheath that fits over my cock. Mistress seemed excited when I mentioned it to her. She'll be able to enjoy the best of both worlds, being able to feel a "decent sized cock for a change", as she so eloquently put it, and yet at the same time keeping me in chastity without receiving any pleasure from it or any chance of orgasm as my little dick stays neatly tucked inside the thick rubber of that giant cock.

A maid's job is never done

This past monday I was lucky enough to have off from work. I assumed it would be a day to generally goof off and enjoy myself. As I should have expected by now, Miss H wasn't going to let that happen. Upset that she had to go to work while I had a day off she made sure that this would be no vacation for me. It started the same way it usually does, with an email listing a long list of tasks she wanted done. Apparently the current state of cleaning at the house wasn't up to her demanding levels so I would have the pleasure of remedying that for her.

Dusting, washing curtains, and a long list of other chores were spelled out in detail for me along with a final order "you will wear the pvc maid's outfit along with shoe binders today while you clean". After showering and getting into my sexy attire for the day I took another look at the list and began my work for the day. I started with the curtains, which in hindsight was a bad idea. The reason is that we have a large set of sliding glass doors that leads out to our back patio and they're connected directly to our dining room/kitchen area. It didn't occur to me until I had taken down the curtains there as well as all the others around the house that I was pretty well exposed to anyone who happened to be outside and looking into our house.

I didn't think it would be much of a problem because it was the middle of the day and most people would be at work. Surprise! Guess who wasn't at work? My angry next door neighbor. The kind of guy who has more muscles then brain cells and a political ideology only slightly more right wing then George W. I guess that when he's not out clubbing baby seals or running over prius drivers with his big ass SUV he's obsessively working on his lawn. In the middle of winter. In the middle of the day. On my day off. While I'm dressed like a slut whore maid.

This made performing my chores a bit more difficult but eventually I got them all finished, and without Captain testosterone noticing me and running full speed through the backyard to beat the shit out of my panty wearing ass. Yay for me.

The funny thing about the day was at the beginning I just thought of those chores as simple housework. The more I thought about it though it was actually something a lot more. It was a way for me to make my Mistress happy, to make her life more comfortable, and to show her in my own little sissy way how much I cared for her. I took pride in being her maid for when she's happy then I'm happy. I'm starting to feel something new and completely unexpected, I used to only get pleasure and feel satisfied by means of sexual release, now after being in chastity and denied orgasm for an extended period of time, I'm starting to feel a weird sense of pleasure and fulfillment by simply pleasing my Mistress whether it be by sexual means such as orally serving her or something as basic as doing the laundry for her.

It's a good feeling...

The Super Bowl was a super night for Christie

If you're a regular reader of this site you're probably aware of the task I had waiting for me yesterday (if not, scroll down a bit and you can read that blog entry). I had assumed those people that were kind enough to vote for which punishment they preferred would do just that, vote on *the* punishment they wanted for me, not both of them. I was secretly hoping for the maxi pad instead of the tampon because well, let's just say that it's for obvious reasons, so I was a little anxious when I saw all the votes for both punishments.

Miss H is all about giving the people what they want so that's exactly what she did. When Sunday morning rolled around I was kind of hoping she would be lenient and simply pick the one option of the two she preferred more, thus sparing me the indignity of having to wear both. In fact, for a moment I thought she had perhaps forgotten about the whole thing as she got up and left the house.

Wrong.

Not two minutes after she left my phone buzzed with an incoming txt message from her. She directed me into her bathroom where she had carefully and lovingly set aside two maxi pads and two tampons (Tampax pearls for those that are interested). I was to put on one of the maxi pads now and when I returned home from the family function I was attending, shower, put on a new maxi and insert the tampon into  my sissy "pussy" and wear it during the entire time we were watching the super bowl on tv.

So yeah, a maxi pad while I'm at a big family gathering. Who says Miss H doesn't have a sense of humor. As you can imagine it was rather emotionally uncomfortable to have a thick maxi crammed against my little cock while interacting with friends and family. Mistress of course found the whole thing infinitely amusing and was excited to hear every little detail in depth.

Fast forward to around 6:40pm last night. I arrived home and walked in the front door to see Miss H finishing up some snacks we were going to have during the game. She was pleasant and seemed busy so I casually said hello as I strolled in. "How was you day today, anything exciting happen?", she smirked. I cringed with a sense of embarrassment as I could feel the tampon deep in my ass. She looked me in the eye and smiled. That was enough, the unspoken knowing between us of what I had done was made crystal clear. She knows exactly how to fuck with me and she does it so well.

After that things were pretty calm, we watched the game, ate some food, and generally spent the next few hours enjoying each others company. Later on as we were going to bed Miss H calmly stripped down to just her panties and suggested that I get naked. I jumped at the opportunity, praying that tonight would be the first night in roughly a week where I would be allowed to penetrate her with my tiny cock and possibly even be allowed to cum. Up until now my only sexual pleasure was derived from Miss H masturbating me (without cumming), being allowed to masturbate myself (again without cumming), or the worst, only being allowed to dry hump her leg or ass with my cock stuck behind a pair of panties.

She will spend an hour or more just teasing and delicately playing with my sissy clit, bringing me right up to the edge of cumming, only to stop when I get to close. Over and over she does this, the whole time belittling the size of my cock, how pathetic I am, or simply telling me what horrible things she has in store for me down the road. This continues over and over again till the point where she barely has to touch me and I almost cum, the whole time my body twitching and begging for relief while a nonstop stream of whimpers and sad little pleas for release go unanswered.

Then, just as quickly as it started, it ends. Miss H rolls over to get dressed and with a completely dismissive tone tells me that we're done and I need to get ready to go to bed because she's going to sleep. She does this almost every night we're together so I should expect it but for some reason it still catches me off guard for some reason like it was the first time she had ever done it. It's like a a cold splash of water to the face, she simply shuts down sexually, ignores me and falls asleep without a care in the world about me or anything else. I sit there in the darkness of our bedroom almost shaking with sexual frustration and a relentless need to cum.

Things are so different now. Only a matter of months ago she was the most caring, considerate lover you could imagine. She always put my pleasure first and if I was unable to make her cum she never complained, just smiled and seemed happy to be embraced in my arms. Now, that's all just a distant memory. I lay awake alone, my cock still pulsing slightly, a heavy stream of pre-cum flowing down my shaft and along my leg, my heart still racing, desperate for attention from my Mistress, desperate for release.

I wouldn't have things any other way....

A teaser...

breaking you

My Darling Christie,

This reminds me of the last time I made you cry, and gives me an idea for next time. Minute 40 to the end makes me wet, because I can so clearly imagine you in that state...

Kiss,
Miss H

*YOU* decide

Miss H is not one to allow to much time to pass with reaching out and asserting her dominance over me in some manner. I was given a free day yesterday where I didn't have to wear the cage or do anything really for that matter. Today she made up for lost time by emailing me a devious little task that she wants me to share with you and have you participate in.

Mistress is beginning her period, an unpleasant time for any women, so naturally Miss H thought that if she makes me dress like a women, has me take on the traditional role of "house wife" in our relationship, then I ought to experience one other aspect of being a women as well, the many joys of having a monthly visitor. Now I have two choices -

Option #1 - Wear a maxi pad all day underneath my male clothes while I'm out in public, at home, and at work.

or

Option #2 - Insert a tampon into my sissy "pussy" and keep it there while we watch the Super Bowl this sunday night.

Either way I'm supposed to take pictures and post them here as a form of public humiliation.

Now here's where you come in, Mistress can't decide so she's putting it up for a vote. Please leave a comment stating which punishment you'd prefer that I was forced to endure. She'll tally the total number of votes and then enact my punishment. Monday night I'll post the results along with what I'm sure will be the horribly embarrassing photos.

So start voting, the clock is ticking on my humiliation...

Getting ready for work this morning

Another pic.

Great way to start the day

It feels *so* good to be back dressed like a little whore...

A new task

Miss H was kind enough to allow me out of the cage tonight so I could masturbate (but of course not cum). I've been so pent up from not cumming and Mistress's constant teasing through txt, email, and Twitter that I spent a good 45 minutes stroking my little cock to the edge of cumming over and over again, only to stop at the last possible second.

This wasn't a total "freebie" though, it did come with some orders to make up for her kindness. First off, I'm once again back in the cage but now I'm also wearing Miss H's new favorite bedtime attire for me, pink satin sissy panties, pink girly pajama bottoms, and a plain top. I have a new top coming in the mail, Mistress thought it would be a good idea for me to purchase a shirt from Cafepress that says "Good little sissy" on the front of it in bright pink letters. You can see part of my pj's in this photo.

Tomorrow, because I'm off, after I shower in the morning I'm to then get completely dressed in full slut gear, lingerie, dress, platform shoes, wig, makeup, the whole deal and just go about my day enfemme. Ok, so that isn't really a punishment ;) In fact I've been dying to dress a lot more but unfortunately something always seems to get in the way. I'll try to post a few pics throughout the day if I get a chance and send out a few Twitter updates from my account.

Just a fun little video I came across

Very hot video I found online. Not sure where it's from but I wish I was part of it...