Friday, February 18, 2011

Feeling like a woman, and not in the way I expected.

As an adult who can usually create a coherent sentence and not drool all over himself, I think I'm smart enough to have always realized that there was a totally different set of rules for men and women when it came to appearances in our society. For men it was perfectly acceptable to be old (Sean Connery), dumpy (Alex Baldwin), or dirty (think Brad Pitt in Fight Club) and still be considered sexy. For women on the other hand, if you weren't 23, a size 0, and packing a pair of double D breasts then you might as well go hide under a rock because you're considered only slightly better looking then the Elephant Man.

I never really approved of that or thought that way myself but it wasn't anything that I obsessed over or paid that much attention to. Then a funny thing happened the other night when I was with Miss H.  After showering I walked into the bedroom for her to inspect me and remove the cock cage for a night of teasing and denial. I looked down at my body and was pretty happy with what I saw. I'm about 6' tall and weigh just over a 160lbs. I've always been rather fit and in shape so I think I'm generally speaking, pleasant enough to look at physically. Mistress picked out some clothes for me to wear, a short white bustier, black PVC ruffled skirt, white stockings and garter, and a pair of 6 inch white platform shoes.

It didn't take long for me to change and while I still get a bit nervous being dressed in front of my Mistress, it wasn't a big deal and we both laid down on the bed and began watching TV together. A short while later I happened to look down again at myself and suddenly I was almost in a panic, my stomach was just ever so slightly raised and visible. It wasn't the rock hard stomach that looked like all the porn chicks I watch on my laptop. Suddenly I didn't feel like the sexy women I had just thought I was moments before. My stomach hadn't suddenly gained 40 lbs in the ten minutes it had taken me to go from male to "fem" but it should felt like it had.

I then noticed that my arm had almost instinctively crossed my stomach in a way to cover it up. Miss H didn't notice at all but I was freaking out. I didn't feel like I was attractive at all anymore. I didn't think I looked like any of the women who most people consider super hot. Every time I moved I kept staring at my stomach, wondering if truly was flat enough, whether it was tight enough. Would Miss H suddenly notice and change her mind about how I look?

Looking back it was kind of sad actually. By putting on the clothes I was trying to emulate what a female would look like and even though I generally don't prefer super skinny women, I suddenly felt unattractive because that's what society says women should look like, and that wasn't exactly how I looked. I felt petty and shallow for suddenly being so focused on how I should be looking instead of how I truly am.

A few minutes went by I as I sat there and ran this whole mess through my head, finally I turned to Miss H and told her what I was thinking. At first I think she thought I was insane but then she kind of sat there with an amused look on her face and said something like "now you know what I go through on a daily basis". She seemed to appreciate the fact that I had sort of had a minor epiphany about things and had experienced, in a very minor way, what the vast majority of women are stuck dealing with all the time. I've garnered a whole new level of respect for the trials and tribulations that women are burdened with. So for any females that are reading this right now I can't say that I completely understand your situation but experiencing this was a good first step. No matter what a magazine article or commercial on TV might try to tell you, beauty isn't defined by others and held up as a status you can't reach, beauty is how you define yourself in your heart.

3 comments:

  1. You're a hot slut already, but your insecurity makes you fucking adorable. *muah!*

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is a lesson I like all my femgurlz to learn. You will never truly be a woman without constant stress and self-doubt over your appearance, especially your weight and age. It's one of the most important sissy lessons (just slightly after "cocksucking makes your jaw hurt" and "she's lying when she says your cum tastes good").

    Love your blog, you're a good gurl for your Miss :)

    ReplyDelete