Sunday, December 18, 2011

More comfortable

After the events of yesterday I wasn't upset, quite the opposite. Miss H being selfish and bitchy with her masturbation was awesome.  I was really happy to see her act in that manner for two reasons, first for selfish reasons it's just the type of dehumanization, humiliation, and control, that I so deeply crave. Second, every time she pushes our boundaries it makes me feel like she's becoming more comfortable in her role as the Dom in our relationship. FLR is new to both of us and although we've been practicing it for about a year now, it's still in the early stages. We're both on a learning curve so seeing her take any new steps, no matter how small in terms of being aggressive and free with what she wants from our kink is awesome.

With each passing month I can see her becoming more relaxed and at ease. She no longer seems like she's following a scene and worries if she's going "off script". Yesterday was a good example of that. She's probably wanted to just randomly masturbate with a vibrator before and not having me hanging all over her, kissing, touching, and smothering her with affection. In the past she was still the Dom but maybe didn't want to hurt my feelings so she let me in on things even they she may have preferred to be left alone. Now maybe she isn't worried so much about "pissing me off" because she realizes our relationship is so strong and that we truly love each other so very much.

The important thing we're both realizing is that in a clear cut Dom/sub relationship like we have, *she* is in charge. So although I may be dying for vicious abuse and being tied up like the gimp all night, if she just wants a cup of tea and her laundry done then that's how it's going to go. I shouldn't be upset when my every fantasy isn't played out to my liking each night and she shouldn't feel guilty to do what ever it takes to make herself happy and satisfied. To be banished while your significant other pleases herself without you or without any desire to involve you might be a problem in your average vanilla marriage, but Miss H and I have a very special relationship where the abnormal is the new normal. And it works for us, so what's the harm in enjoying ourselves?

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