The countdown begins

While not set totally in stone, it looks like the chastity/FLR portion of our relationship will be back in full swing sometime after March 6th or 7th when Miss H returns from her business trip. Honestly, I couldn't be more happy, I'm just dying to get back into the strict, submissive lifestyle that I so thoroughly enjoyed over the past year or so. With each passing day my kinky needs become ever stronger. Bondage, tease and denial, humiliation, diapers, dressing, the whole nine yards of kink that became an everyday part of our life for so long have been shelved and I'm itching to get them back.

Last night Miss H had some free time from both work obligations and health issues (one more damn cold or sore throat and I'm going to snap) so we worked in a little bit of good old fashioned fucking. She started in with the dirty talk though, the verbal abuse, and just a enough mind fucking to drive me crazy. I almost forgot how much just hearing her voice like that drives me wild. Other then that though there wasn't anything else kinky involved, I didn't dress, there weren't any whips and chains involved and the night was wonderful.

That's one thing that I'll miss about this temporary bout of "freedom". I can have sex in any way I want and I'm allowed to cum every time. Fast forward a few weeks from now and I'll be begging like a whiny baby just for the opportunity to be inside her. It's a definite case of the grass is always greener on the other side. When I want to fuck, I'm not allowed to. When I crave the rigid discipline and denial, I'm free to run rough shod. Talk about first world problems ;) This break has been good for us, it prevented any burn out and will only make getting back into things that much more exciting. I just wish we would have had more time to actually enjoy it instead of constantly being sick and busy all the time.

New tattoo?

Miss H and I are in the early stages of planning a vacation to Las Vegas some time in the near future. While we were talking about it the other day she mentioned I should get a tattoo while we were there. It sounded like a good idea to me because I've been itching to get a new one for a while now. I already had a few ideas in mind but I was kind of surprised by Miss H's suggestion. "It would be the perfect time to get a nice sissy tattoo for u", she said rather nonchalantly. I wasnt expecting that at all, I had kind of half jokingly (actually quite seriously in my mind) made reference to a sissy tattoo in the past but never really expected Miss H to be on board with the idea.

I'm not sure if she was serious or just trying to mess with my head but the idea was very intriguing. She didn't specifically say what she had in mind but I spent some time on Google image search and found a few things that might fit the bill.

I need a nurse

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Getting our bearings

Being in a FLR relationship on a near 24/7 basis with total chastity for half a year is a big change. Almost as much as suddenly not being in that mode any more. The past week or so has been a new experience as we try to figure out exactly what "vanilla" is anymore while we take a mini-break from the kink. As I was worried about, Miss H and I have had a number of issues crop up recently which for the most part were all related to a lack of communication. In hindsight, more talking and less expecting the other person to know what we were each feeling would have gone a long way in preventing any of the hurt feelings we both experienced.

For me I wanted this break to just kind of clear my head. Being so hyper sexually aroused all the time was great, but when you take a break from it you realize just how much you need to mentally recuperate. It's like the day after you get back from a great vacation. It was a lot of fun, but you need to just decompress for a little while before heading back to work. Miss H took my new found interest in non-sexual subjects (and an admitted decrease in my outward acts of affection to her) as a sort of statement on my desire for her. Her feelings were hurt, she felt unappreciated, and self conscious. I could have handled it much better, and for that I'm truly sorry.

Last night we talked things out a bit more and it seemed to help the situation. We both were able to open up more and discuss how we were each feeling, and those feelings were kind of a surprise to both of us. Little miscommunications that spun out of control. We ended up having sex last night, nothing kinky or crazy, just two people in love doing what lovers do. I was allowed to cum fully and it was wonderful, the connection with Miss H more then the orgasm, and it was something we both definitely needed. Miss H mentioned that she wants to get back into the FLR but perhaps not until after Valentine's Day, which is fine with me because taking some time together now will end up helping a lot in the long run.

A strange week

Miss H has given me a week off from chastity as both a way to let me cool off a bit from months of overheated sexuality and also as sort of an experiment to see how I'll act now that I'm not under her constant lock and key. So far a combination of being sick and being hyper focused on a big project at work has kept me from enjoying things as much as I would have liked too, but that's just the way of the world I suppose. I've masturbated and cum at least once each day since this past Sunday. After being denied any orgasms or release for something like four months, this new found freedom is a bit weird.

Physically, I'm kind of surprised how unimpressive my orgasms seem recently. Don't get me wrong, they're enjoyable but they're not the earth shattering, pleasure bomb that I thought they would be. I don't know if this is an actual change in the level of orgasm I'm experiencing due to chastity or just simply me expecting more from them after having desired them with no avail for such a extended time. It's like waiting for ever to see a new, over hyped movie then being dissapointed because it didn't meet your expectations. All the buildup and fanfare made it impossible to meet the hype, the movie might have been great but it had no shot thanks to the buzz around it.

Mentally, things are much different now then they were a week ago. When I was still chaste, all, and I mean all I ever thought about was sex. I followed Miss H around like a little puppy dog, clinging to her nonstop in hopes of catching a glimpse of her naked, or being able to touch her ass if I was allowed, or anything that might give me the slightest sliver of hope of being able to receive some sexual release. Now it's much more of an impulse thing. I can go half the day and sex is the last thing on my mind then all of a sudden I'll check Tumblr or whatever and bam, I'm suddenly horny as hell, jerking off, then I cum and I'm not even worried about sex again till maybe the next day. My sex "moods" are much smaller in time frame now. It's not that I suddenly don't want to sleep with Miss H, but if we're not in the right window of opportunity then I'm to busy trying to get my Taxes ready or do the laundry then grovel at her feet for affection.

I'm sure this must be hard for her because as shes said before, "you might not be horny because you've cum and now don't want to get all kinky, but my mood hasn't changed". She's absolutely right, my attention, while not totally lacking, isn't at the same super heightened level that is has been for months now and that must be strange for her too. She probably feels less appreciated, and somewhat unwanted, but that isn't the case at all. I need to work harder to let her know that, and to ensure she realizes just how much I really do love her regardless of what the sexual situation is.

She asked me yesterday why I was so hesitant to perform our normal nightly ritual, which is me kissing her feet at bedtime and thanking her for allowing her sissy to serve her. The reason is that I just feel super awkward doing it when we aren't hardcore into the kink. At the best of times I get really embarrassed doing it but I'm so horny that it turns me. Now though, I just feel deathly ashamed doing it in front of her and get no real sexual joy from it at all. Of course everything will start to change once we get back into the swing of things, it's just a matter of getting used to the "vanilla" again and finding the right state of mind.

Allowed to finally cum.

Last night was meant to be a time for a little kink and a lot of strap on. Miss H and I set aside the night to just spend with each other and enjoy ourselves. We had planned a fun time that included me dressing, servicing Miss H, and probably breaking out a few toys to play with. It started out with a quick drink and some mindless TV on in the background. After a while we started making out and one thing led to another and before you know it we were naked and rolling around in bed. Miss H had just cum from me using my fingers and tongue on her and while pulling away I half heartedly mentioned something about being inside of her.

She agreed, which was surprise enough, but what she did next was even more of a shock. Because I've been without the benefit of a real orgasm in months, I'm constantly on the edge of cumming when Miss H touches me. Naturally it didn't take more then a few strokes inside Miss H before I was pulling out and trying not to make a huge mess. "God, I want to cum so fucking bad", I moaned, more as a general statement then any type of subtle question, to which Miss H replied, "well then go ahead and cum".  I thought she was just screwing with me so I held back, slowly pushing in to her before stopping to compose myself and not cum. "That's not a polite request, that's an order", she said as she looked into my eyes. With two quick pumps I did as she asked.

The experience was actually kind of weird. I felt the buildup and myself getting to the point of no return, then it felt like my cum just fell out of me, sort of like with a ruined orgasm. I could feel the cum spraying out but any type of orgasm was almost non-existent. I kept pumping after I had finished and maybe within ten seconds I felt as though I had to cum again so I started fucking Miss H even harder. The feeling soon went away and I don't think I came again but it was hard to tell. The sensation just seemed to fade away and Miss H was already so wet from my first ejaculation that I didn't know if I had cum anymore. 

The emotional/sexual drain happened almost immediately afterwards too. In a two minute span I had gone from so horny I would fuck a hole in the sofa to suddenly my most pressing concern was what college basketball game would be on the next morning. There was also some slight almost burning pain radiating from the base of the penis but that soon went away as well.

Looking back at last night in the fully sober, clear light of today, it does seem odd about the lack of orgasm. In the past I've read on some chastity forums where people had said that the first orgasm after a extremely long period of denial (several months in my case) may be rather lackluster, but subsequent orgasms are in line with previous pre-chastity orgasms. So it will be interesting to see how that plays out. From a mental standpoint it made me think of the Seinfeld episode where they have a contest to see who can go the longest without masturbating. The one's the masturbate are all calm and relaxed while those that haven't are a raging bundle of nerves and anxiety. 

That's kind of how I feel now, just totally chill and focused. This time yesterday I was scrolling through Tumblr with a crazed determination, desperate for anything sexual to feed my overwhelming appetite. I followed Miss H around like a lonely little puppy, dying for even the slightest bit of attention from her. Now though while sex isn't the farthest thing from my mind, it certainly isn't the driving factor in everything I've done today. I'm not sure how Miss H is going to play the next few days. Whether she'll let this mood continue as it is and provide a short break before getting back into things or try to get me right back into the crazed sexual mode, I don't know. In the mean time, the chastity counter at the top of this page gets reset to zero. I wonder how long it will be next time.

More edging torture

This morning as Miss H and I woke up she was very clear about how I was going to spend my day off. "Every hour on the hour you're to masturbate and edge yourself without cumming for ten minutes. Then txt me each you do", she said as she got up to get herself ready for work. She had done this in the past, the most recent being a week or two ago. It always ends up making me a horny puddle of sexual need by the end of the day and desperate as hell to get my fix of her gorgeous body when she gets home.

At 9 and 10am I wasn't allowed to edge while watching any type of porn so instead I played back various fantasies and real life things I've done with Miss H in my head as I stroked myself over and over again to the point where cumming was literally just a split second away, only to stop each time. As each hour passed I would txt Miss H like she had asked and occasionally she would send back a short reply which just turned me on that much more. I really like the idea of us having our own private "thing" something that just the two of us know about. Kind of a dirty little thrill that no one working around Miss H in her busy office have any idea about.

Just after finishing my 10am edge I figured that if I really hauled ass I'd be able to make it to the closest food store and get a few things we needed around the house. I thought I was making pretty good time but between spending to much time wandering around looking at stupid stuff and waiting in one of only two painfully slow lines I saw that it was already 10:55am. No way I'd make it home in time. I could have used the bathroom there to do my edge but I was afraid a clerk or somebody would snag my cart while I was in the bathroom so I just headed out to my car after paying for my stuff. It was now just after 11am by the time I returned the car and got into the car. I usually park way out in the middle of nowhere in the parking lot because that way I manage to get an extra little bit of exercise in as I walk to and from the store. Initially I was going to txt Miss H and tell her I would be a bit late with my 11am edge but then I figured fuck it, nobody was parked withing like 200 feet of me so except for the occasional passing car I would be pretty safe.

At noon I was allowed to edge myself with porn of my choice if I wanted to, which, I did.

 

Just your regular sissy/femdom porn but it did the trick nicely. 1pm came and went with another ten minutes of edging to start the hour. It was nice and once again when I finished I let Miss H know. I was looking forward to 2pm because Miss H said that at two I could masturbate using anything in the house I wanted to. I thought about using some porn, or maybe the Fleshlight, but eventually I settled on a pair of Miss H's shoes. Now I've very open with Miss H about how I have a huge shoe/foot fetish which for the most part she enthusiastically engages in. She loves having her toes sucked and her feet worshipped with my tongue but when it comes to shoes she's kind of neutral. Nothing against what gets me off but doesn't really excite her to the same degree.

Normally I prefer your average hooker shoes, six inch platforms, knee high boots, that sort of thing. Anything else I just don't care about. What's weird though is Miss H has this pair of kind of rubbery pink flats that she wears when the weather is nice. They are just about the most common, average looking woman's shoes you could find yet for some reason they drive me nuts. I don't know if it's the color or the slick material they're made of or just the fact I've worshiped her feet so many times after she's pulled them out of those shoes that I've started to have sort of a thing for them.

With all the things Miss H and I do, you'd think that not much would embarrass me around her but that's just not the case. There are so many things that even though we do quite a bit bit (such as diapers) that I still  almost melt with shame when we talk about them. Obsessing about her shoes is one of them and as much as I'd love to rub the cock all over them and feel them on me I just feel crazy awkward mentioning it or doing it in front of her. So I decided to do it now when I didn't have to deal with the shame of having her watch me. Knowing that she'll soon find out when she reads this blog is even more of a turn on. The nerves of not knowing whether she'll not even bother to mention it to me or make fun of me mercilessly gets me hard and wet with an adrenaline rush.

Two more edges after that and now she should be home soon. I can't wait to see her.