Monday, January 23, 2012

Another humiliating day

After our planned kink fest on Saturday night ended with a passed out whimper on my part, Miss H was in the mood for a little payback Sunday. I could hear it in her voice as she made fun of me for ruining things the previous night. "Can't hold your liquor can you?", she said wickedly. She didn't say much more as we spent a good part of the morning sleeping in. At one point I asked her if it was ok for me to get up and take a shower, which is also kind of code word for get dressed back in guy clothes and take off what ever nail polish and/or makeup I may be wearing at the time. I almost made it out of the bedroom free and clear before I heard her voice again. "Leave on the nail polish though, you've got chores to do today, right?"

"Yes, Mistress", I replied as I walked off with my head down, none to thrilled at this small wrinkle she had just thrown into my plans. Among other things, I had to drop off a few boxes of clothes, etc to Goodwill. Miss H and I were doing a sort of pre spring cleaning clean up and there were a bunch of things we were going to donate. Sensing my trepidation and knowing how much I dislike wearing the nail polish in public Miss H called out to me once more, "actually I think I'll give you a choice, wear the nail polish or I can diaper you up nice and thick, and I mean real thick, and you can do your chores like that instead". I thought for a minute and told her I preferred the painted nails. Even though they would be more likely to get noticed then some thick diapers under my pants, I wanted to show Miss H that I was trying to push my comfort level for her.

I could have taken the easy way out she had given me, but I knew she would have been disappointed and I didn't want her to be dissatisfied with me. So if that meant a little bit of embarrassment on my part then so be it. Besides, I thought to myself, as long as I kind of ball up my hands when I handing the bags to the guy at Goodwill he probably won't even notice. I know it may sound kind of lame to get so freaked out by wearing bright pink nail polish in public, but there's a big difference between me getting all dressed up and whore like for a fun night at Diabolique or similar fetish event and being in my regular guy clothes but wearing nail polish while at PetSmart. So yeah, it does kind of make me nervous because I'm already so self conscious about things and the added attention and scorn it may bring bugs me out.

After getting out of the shower I loaded up the car with all my Goodwill stuff and headed out.

I go to Goodwill all the time to donate stuff so I was really hoping the normal guy was working the donation drop off part. He's a hunched over little old guy who's nice but is more concerned with getting stuff loaded either into the store or onto the storage bins that he rarely pays me any attention when I'm there. 

Naturally though he's not there, instead it's some young guy in his late twenties doing his best wanna be hipster impression as I get out of my car door. I sigh under my breath at my crappy luck and walk around to start taking bags out. I try to distract him by asking a lot of questions, hoping he will be spending more time looking at my face then my hands. It seemed to have worked because I don't see him noticing my painted nails or at least acting like he does. He kind of looked at me sort of weird near the end so I think he got a quick glance at what was going on but by that time I was already headed back to the car and out of there. 

When I got home I let Miss H know how it went and she seemed genuinely dissapointed that it had gone so smoothly for me. She seems to revel in hearing my stories of humiliation so no doubt this lack of embarrassment on my part with the day's task will result in something much worse down the road from her. I was literally just about to ask if I could now go take the polish off when she slowly raised her eyes from behind the book she was reading to look at me.

"Ok, now why don't you run to the closet and grab your diapers. Let's get you nice and thick", she said without a bit of hesitation. I wasn't sure if this was due to the ease of my previous task or what but I was both turned on and mortified by the thought of being diapered for the rest of the day. Like most of my fetish's, the closer something gets to just destroying me mentally and having me turn into a whimpering ball of tears and shame, the more it seems to turn me on. Yes, I already know I'm pretty fucked up ;)

Miss H isn't really what you'd call a huge fun of diapers, she's very neutral on them, but she absolutely basks in the level of both joy and pain that their humiliation brings me. I get hard and dripping wet almost instantly at even her most subtle threat of her diapering me yet at the same time I can't look her in the eyes when shes doing it, I start trembling with fear, and sometimes almost tear up when she's being extra heavy handed with the verbal abuse. I absolutely love how with each passing month she's getting over her fear of hurting me and pushing things that much more severely. How she gets off on her ability to drive me to the edge of total pleasure and then to a sobbing mess and back again with nothing more then a few words.

This time I was ordered into a pull up, two thick ATN diapers, a line of bright pink duct tape to ensure I couldn't slip out of them, and finally the plastic panties to keep everything nice and snug. 

When I was done I was told not to get into my regular clothes that I had just been wearing but instead I was supposed to wear my new sissy pajama ensemble. I'll have pics of those tomorrow but for now the details aren't all that important because I'm running late so they're going to have to wait. Anyway, I get dressed up in my functional yet humiliating clothes for the day and I'm then basically dismissed. Miss H is doing some work she needs to focus on so I"m allowed to head out into the living room to watch some football.

About an hour or so later I get a txt from Miss H telling me that she's getting tired and will probably take a nap. She normally makes me wet the diaper in front of her when I can't hold it any longer, not because it turns her on, but because she knows it makes the whole experience about a thousand times worse when I have to do it and I know she's watching me and thinking god only knows what horrible things. I ask her if she wants me to wake her up in case I have to go. She responds with a no, what she wants me to do is when the time comes check on her. If she's awake I'm to let her know and then do it in front of her. If she's asleep I'm to wet myself but then keep it on for at least twenty minutes before taking a shower and washing up. That last little addition is just her newest way to mind fuck me and reinforce what a pathetic diaper sissy bitch I am.

When the time comes I check on Miss H and she's sleeping soundly in bed. I do exactly what I was told to and then left to get my shower.

I put my regular clothes back on and returned to watching the Giants game. During a commercial break I went to check on Miss who was just waking from her slumber. No hello, or how are you, came from her lips, just a smile and "did you have fun in your diaper today, sissy?". "Yes Mistress", I replied. "I didn't wait twenty minutes in the wet diaper though", I whispered gently. Her face suddenly looked sad and a bit angry upon hearing this unfortunate news. "I actually waited an hour and peed twice", I grinned. Her face perked right up and she softly began rubbing my head, "I'm so proud of my sissy".

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