Saturday, March 3, 2012

Blog assignment day #2

Today Miss H decided that my writing assignment should be to write about what I hope and what I expect to happen with our return to a full FLR. The topic actually makes me a little uneasy to write about for the simple reason that I don't want it to come off like I'm complaining or trying to top from the bottom. There are plenty of things I want to have happen as we get back to our female led relationship, but I'm kind of worried that Miss H will look at them as complaints about what we're not doing and feel like she's not doing something right (which is obviously anti to the whole female led idea). So with that being said I'm going to venture out on a limb and let loose, so in no particular order -

  1. Miss H to focus more on her needs then worrying about what will make me happy. She's gotten better at this and is clearly more comfortable taking an aggressive role when needed as our experience with FLR has grown. I just want her to enjoy this as much as I am so I hope she can be even more at ease and just do what she wants to. Sure it would be nice if she took the time to think about my needs/desires, but ultimately I get off when she's doing her thing and putting my needs second. For instance, I hate the fact she's put channel locks on ESPN, etc because I watch so much sports, but the anger over missing a game is more then made up for by the feelings of submission I get knowing that she has final say in what I'm allowed to watch. It makes me feel so submissive and I love that. For her to have the comfort level to just say "no" and not second guess herself all the time would be great.
  2. More diaper play. I think it would be awesome to spend any time Miss H isn't specifically using me to be forced into the humiliation of wearing thick diapers as both a further means of chastity and also a way to embarrass me even more. Or to just randomly make me wear them to work one day or whatever. When I bring it up she always says something like "I have no problem with putting you in diapers, I just forget about it because it doesn't rank up there with my personal favorite kinks. I don't have the slightest problem with you wearing them, but if you want to wear them you need to remind me about them and then I'll take it from there". The problem is, like most of my kinks, the excitement comes from being "forced" to do something so while I like to wear diapers, get dressed in fem clothes, etc having to specifically ask her to make me do it kind of defeats the purpose a bit.
  3. I think that at some point soon Miss H and I will need to have a serious conversation about certain fantasies we've danced around with. The kind that we get into full force in the heat of the moment, then suddenly become less clear about in the light of the next day. It's not a big problem or anything, but we both need to be crystal clear about what we want/are willing to do so nothing unexpected pops up down the road. 
  4. Unexpected kinky time is also something that would be awesome if we could continue with and expand. Miss H is really good about surprising me with tasks, orders, etc when I least expect them and I love it. We used to be much more rigid in our kinky time, this Saturday night from 8pm to Midnight or next friday night after dinner, or that sort of thing, but as time went on Miss H really started to keep me on my toes. Out of nowhere I'd get a txt at work to go do some humiliating task or I'd have a day off and she would order me to spend the day dressed. Those kind of things really help with making the 24/7 aspect of FLR seem so much more real. 
  5. Interactivity is probably another thing that I'll see more of during this upcoming year. Miss H has mentioned several times that we should put me on Skype to chat with people or as a form of punishment, have to phones sex with total strangers, and that sort of thing. The thought of it both turns me on and freaks me out a bit so it's an exciting topic that I'd like to explore more with Miss H at my side.
  6. Maybe using more of the toys and bondage gear we have. We have two closets that are just about bursting at the seams with clothes, toys, and bondage gear so taking more time to explore all those goodies would be fun as well. We always talk about using them more and Miss H actually tells me to get some out, which I do, but then we start playing with each other and before you know it, neither of us wants to stop the action to get a cock sheath or paddle.
  7. Finally, I fully expect that the physical abuse I take (and love) from Miss H will get more extreme.  Face slapping, caning, and the like have all gotten progressively more severe, much to my enjoyment, so I can only assume that Miss H will continue to ramp this up as she gets more and more comfortable with hurting me. Each time we finish a session and I'm smiling ear to ear or leaking pre-cum everywhere just helps reinforce that I'm a bit of a pain slut and that she's not actually causing long term damage. Short term pain yes, long term injuries, no. To be abused to the point of crying or having to call the safeword is my goal for this year ;)
So what will actually be different, or worse, or better during this extended period of FLR we're getting into? Who knows, but I can't wait to find out. 

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