Kissing Miss H goodbye this morning as she left for the airport was bittersweet, I was excited because this was technically the first day of our full time return to the FLR lifestyle that had proved so satisfying to both of us this past year, but sad because I was going to really miss her for the next five days should would be gone on her trip. Tonight is the first time we haven't slept in the same bed in a very long time and it's kind of bumming me out as I sit here typing this. The main reason I'm even blogging tonight is because as you may have read on her blog, Miss H has left me a long list of tasks to accomplish while she's away. First and foremost is to to blog more frequently. Each day she's arranged a specific topic she wants me to touch on and today's topic is "what have I enjoyed both physically and mentally about our short break from the FLR".
The biggest thing I've enjoyed physically is without a doubt the ability to cum freely and at my discretion. If I wanted to jerk off and cum in the shower, I could. If I wanted to roll over in the middle of the night and get something started with Miss H, I could. It was a strange return to freedom that I hadn't been accustomed to in a long time. One more then one occasion I found myself masturbating to the point of almost cumming then stopping, only to then remember I didn't have to restrain myself any longer.
Being able to cum inside Miss H was also another wonderful treat. My opportunities to be inside of her in the previous year have been limited to say the least, and on those one or two instances I was allowed to cum in her they were ruined orgasms so I couldn't even really enjoy them. I would be allowed to pump the cock inside of her but stop immediately when I felt that I was about to cum. Talk about self discipline, few things are harder then being so desperately horny then have to stop yourself and refrain from the one thing you want more then anything else just because your Mistress would rather see you suffer then experience the joyous relief a quick orgasm could provide.
Emotionally though I didn't quite get the same level of enjoyment from our temporary break as I did physically. After having my first real orgasm after almost a year in chastity I slipped into a kind of mini funk for a few days. I think maybe it was because my hormones were kind of out of whack from all that built of testosterone or perhaps it was just a feeling of shame and embarrassment that hit me after suddenly being "out of the zone" from cumming. So initially, not getting right back into the FLR was great. We were just a so called normal couple enjoying a regular sex life. I didn't have to worry about whether Miss H was secretly upset with "having to be kinky to keep me happy" or any of the zillion other neurosis I carry around with me on a daily basis.
Then, as I've discussed here before we started to have problems. Not so much in terms of our relationship, but just with timing. We were free to fuck as much as we wanted to but nothing seemed to ever line up. I was sick and she was fine.Then she got sick and I was fine. Through in some issues with our families and what should have been a wonderful sexcapade turned into a seemingly nonstop string of hassles that kept us from being together like Miss H and I wanted. Also after about the first week or two all those kinky feelings that I was trying to push into the background due to my on personal embarrassment with them starting bubbling to the surface again. Dressing, being diapered, serving Miss H as her submissive, those urges kept getting stronger and stronger but I didn't want to act on them or bring them up with Miss H because we were supposed to be taking a short break from all of that.
It was getting to the point where I was masturbating daily and imposing a self enforced chastity on myself but not allowing myself to cum no matter how much I wanted to, just so I could experience that feeling of tease and denial again that Miss H was so good at. There's a certain level of relief and comfort in knowing that we'll soon be returning to the kinky world of our FLR that has become our new norm.