Monday, July 18, 2011

The new "normal"?

This morning something very subtle yet at the same time totally amazing happened. I had just gotten out of the shower and was checking my CB-6000 to make sure it was still nice and snug when I remembered some random thing I needed to talk to Miss H about before we left the house. I walked into the bedroom and she was sitting on the side of the bed getting dressed and watching TV. I walked in naked except for the cage on and we talked for a minute or two before I headed back to the bathroom. It wasn't an overly important conversation and we were both in a hurry so neither of us paid much attention to what was going on while we finished getting ready. Then as I walked into the bathroom it kind of hit me. I had walked out in front of the woman I love totally naked, with just a small plastic cage locking me up tight, and Miss H acted like nothing was happening at all. Not because she wasn't interested or didn't care, but because it has become such a normal part of our life that it's totally accepted and even expected. It's just "us".

That was really a sort of mind blowing revelation to me because it shows just how far Miss H have come in our relationship since we first met. What was once two separate entities, our "kinky" side, and our "regular" side have fused and integrated to become our new normal. A perfect blend of each that is both highly sexual and yet practical at the same time. It's not fake, it's not forced, it's just beautiful in every sense of the word.

In the past, especially before I met Miss H, my relationships were definitely divided very firmly along the kinky and non-kinky. While I've always been extremely lucky to be with women that were very kinky in there own right, even they usually have some strict dividing line in place. We could do pretty much anything we wanted to do sexually as long as it wasn't more then twice a month on evenings she would choose and we wouldn't stay up to late so she wouldn't be tired for work the next day. The sad part is I'm not even making this up, or exaggerating. I would never really complain though because even though I was desperately craving kinky sex on a near constant basis, I felt I was being totally ungrateful. Most guys have a hard time finding anyone that is into their kinks, especially the ones I do, so I felt I should just suck it up and be thankful for what I did have, regardless of how unsatisfied I felt.

One of the biggest problems with playing so intensely yet infrequently was that I never really felt comfortable. I'm very self conscious by nature so when I dress I get super nervous because I'm worried that the person I'm with will get turned off, laugh at me (not in the good way), or just simply get disgusted and leave me. By dressing so infrequently and then going so hardcore about it when I did, it really made me uneasy. To the point where I would have to have a couple of drinks to calm down enough to really enjoy myself at all. Which, by the way, is a really crappy way to have to experience something you really love doing. I don't mean to sound at all angry toward past girlfriends because the issue was more my own problem then theirs, they were actually very understanding and each helped me in their own way.

When I first met Miss H I had no idea she was kinky at all, so when I eventually learned that she was, of course I was excited but also a little nervous because I figured it would fall into the same sexual pattern. At first it did, we were both new to each other and we were taking things slow. Looking back it's kind of funny because we are both crazy kinky yet neither one of us wanted to let on too much right away because we were worried we would freak out the other one with how extreme our sexual desires are. It wasn't long though before things were really humming along. Perhaps the biggest difference with Miss H is that she's very good at planning things and taking the initiative when she wants something. In the past I always felt like people were just getting kinky with me as a way to keep me happy more then because they actively wanted to. It was at best an 80/20 split for me initiating kinky play so it was hard to get really excited about being someone's submissive when you felt like they were just acting the part to be nice.

Miss H though will just as soon order me to dress like a whore as she will to tell me she's not in the mood so leave her alone so I no longer have that doubt that she's doing it for anyone other then herself (ok, so I still worry about that a little but not nearly as much...). There's something very freeing about that and it's done wonders to help make my sex life a whole lot more enjoyable. She has really done wonders to put my fears at rest or at least subdue them enough to enjoy myself.

The full realization of our relationship though really started clicking when Miss H drew up the "Principles" months ago. For it was the first time we began to really intertwine all aspects of our lives together. There was no longer the two separate sides of kink and vanilla life, everything merged into one. No longer would we mark on a calender which day was our "play" day for the month, now bondage, dressing, and FLR were just as much a part of every day life as bills, work, and cuddling together in bed at night. This doesn't mean that our lives have become one giant, non-stop fetish video, that's just impractical no matter how you look at it, it does mean though that we can slide from watching the world news to me suddenly being naked in front of her, furiously sucking her toes while she masturbates and verbally degrades me. It means we can go from her strap-on fucking me in a french maid's dress to discussing tomorrow nights dinner without missing a beat.

Everything is sexual, and yet it isn't. Everything is totally normal, and yet it isn't. Everything is perfect. Just perfect.


  1. I love what we have, and can't believe I ever lived any other way. *muah*

  2. There's some nice truths in this blog that should be read by the fantasists who never get up from their keyboard.

    It's great that you feel 'normal' switching from one role to another without thinking about it. I love the time when there's a word, or just a look from Mistress and melody is "switched on".

    I can relate to the nervousness of being naked in front of Mistress and in the early stages of being dressed in frills and lace I remember the fear of rejection.

    Very happy for you both that you have learned how to mix and intertwine the different parts of your life.

  3. @sissy-melody Thank you for the nice words, Miss H and I are really in a good place in our relationship now. It's amazing when all aspects seem to be coming together just perfectly. I wish you and yours the very best and I thank you for taking the time to read my blog :)