Allowed to finally cum.

Last night was meant to be a time for a little kink and a lot of strap on. Miss H and I set aside the night to just spend with each other and enjoy ourselves. We had planned a fun time that included me dressing, servicing Miss H, and probably breaking out a few toys to play with. It started out with a quick drink and some mindless TV on in the background. After a while we started making out and one thing led to another and before you know it we were naked and rolling around in bed. Miss H had just cum from me using my fingers and tongue on her and while pulling away I half heartedly mentioned something about being inside of her.

She agreed, which was surprise enough, but what she did next was even more of a shock. Because I've been without the benefit of a real orgasm in months, I'm constantly on the edge of cumming when Miss H touches me. Naturally it didn't take more then a few strokes inside Miss H before I was pulling out and trying not to make a huge mess. "God, I want to cum so fucking bad", I moaned, more as a general statement then any type of subtle question, to which Miss H replied, "well then go ahead and cum".  I thought she was just screwing with me so I held back, slowly pushing in to her before stopping to compose myself and not cum. "That's not a polite request, that's an order", she said as she looked into my eyes. With two quick pumps I did as she asked.

The experience was actually kind of weird. I felt the buildup and myself getting to the point of no return, then it felt like my cum just fell out of me, sort of like with a ruined orgasm. I could feel the cum spraying out but any type of orgasm was almost non-existent. I kept pumping after I had finished and maybe within ten seconds I felt as though I had to cum again so I started fucking Miss H even harder. The feeling soon went away and I don't think I came again but it was hard to tell. The sensation just seemed to fade away and Miss H was already so wet from my first ejaculation that I didn't know if I had cum anymore. 

The emotional/sexual drain happened almost immediately afterwards too. In a two minute span I had gone from so horny I would fuck a hole in the sofa to suddenly my most pressing concern was what college basketball game would be on the next morning. There was also some slight almost burning pain radiating from the base of the penis but that soon went away as well.

Looking back at last night in the fully sober, clear light of today, it does seem odd about the lack of orgasm. In the past I've read on some chastity forums where people had said that the first orgasm after a extremely long period of denial (several months in my case) may be rather lackluster, but subsequent orgasms are in line with previous pre-chastity orgasms. So it will be interesting to see how that plays out. From a mental standpoint it made me think of the Seinfeld episode where they have a contest to see who can go the longest without masturbating. The one's the masturbate are all calm and relaxed while those that haven't are a raging bundle of nerves and anxiety. 

That's kind of how I feel now, just totally chill and focused. This time yesterday I was scrolling through Tumblr with a crazed determination, desperate for anything sexual to feed my overwhelming appetite. I followed Miss H around like a lonely little puppy, dying for even the slightest bit of attention from her. Now though while sex isn't the farthest thing from my mind, it certainly isn't the driving factor in everything I've done today. I'm not sure how Miss H is going to play the next few days. Whether she'll let this mood continue as it is and provide a short break before getting back into things or try to get me right back into the crazed sexual mode, I don't know. In the mean time, the chastity counter at the top of this page gets reset to zero. I wonder how long it will be next time.

More edging torture

This morning as Miss H and I woke up she was very clear about how I was going to spend my day off. "Every hour on the hour you're to masturbate and edge yourself without cumming for ten minutes. Then txt me each you do", she said as she got up to get herself ready for work. She had done this in the past, the most recent being a week or two ago. It always ends up making me a horny puddle of sexual need by the end of the day and desperate as hell to get my fix of her gorgeous body when she gets home.

At 9 and 10am I wasn't allowed to edge while watching any type of porn so instead I played back various fantasies and real life things I've done with Miss H in my head as I stroked myself over and over again to the point where cumming was literally just a split second away, only to stop each time. As each hour passed I would txt Miss H like she had asked and occasionally she would send back a short reply which just turned me on that much more. I really like the idea of us having our own private "thing" something that just the two of us know about. Kind of a dirty little thrill that no one working around Miss H in her busy office have any idea about.

Just after finishing my 10am edge I figured that if I really hauled ass I'd be able to make it to the closest food store and get a few things we needed around the house. I thought I was making pretty good time but between spending to much time wandering around looking at stupid stuff and waiting in one of only two painfully slow lines I saw that it was already 10:55am. No way I'd make it home in time. I could have used the bathroom there to do my edge but I was afraid a clerk or somebody would snag my cart while I was in the bathroom so I just headed out to my car after paying for my stuff. It was now just after 11am by the time I returned the car and got into the car. I usually park way out in the middle of nowhere in the parking lot because that way I manage to get an extra little bit of exercise in as I walk to and from the store. Initially I was going to txt Miss H and tell her I would be a bit late with my 11am edge but then I figured fuck it, nobody was parked withing like 200 feet of me so except for the occasional passing car I would be pretty safe.

At noon I was allowed to edge myself with porn of my choice if I wanted to, which, I did.

 

Just your regular sissy/femdom porn but it did the trick nicely. 1pm came and went with another ten minutes of edging to start the hour. It was nice and once again when I finished I let Miss H know. I was looking forward to 2pm because Miss H said that at two I could masturbate using anything in the house I wanted to. I thought about using some porn, or maybe the Fleshlight, but eventually I settled on a pair of Miss H's shoes. Now I've very open with Miss H about how I have a huge shoe/foot fetish which for the most part she enthusiastically engages in. She loves having her toes sucked and her feet worshipped with my tongue but when it comes to shoes she's kind of neutral. Nothing against what gets me off but doesn't really excite her to the same degree.

Normally I prefer your average hooker shoes, six inch platforms, knee high boots, that sort of thing. Anything else I just don't care about. What's weird though is Miss H has this pair of kind of rubbery pink flats that she wears when the weather is nice. They are just about the most common, average looking woman's shoes you could find yet for some reason they drive me nuts. I don't know if it's the color or the slick material they're made of or just the fact I've worshiped her feet so many times after she's pulled them out of those shoes that I've started to have sort of a thing for them.

With all the things Miss H and I do, you'd think that not much would embarrass me around her but that's just not the case. There are so many things that even though we do quite a bit bit (such as diapers) that I still  almost melt with shame when we talk about them. Obsessing about her shoes is one of them and as much as I'd love to rub the cock all over them and feel them on me I just feel crazy awkward mentioning it or doing it in front of her. So I decided to do it now when I didn't have to deal with the shame of having her watch me. Knowing that she'll soon find out when she reads this blog is even more of a turn on. The nerves of not knowing whether she'll not even bother to mention it to me or make fun of me mercilessly gets me hard and wet with an adrenaline rush.

Two more edges after that and now she should be home soon. I can't wait to see her.

Another humiliating day

After our planned kink fest on Saturday night ended with a passed out whimper on my part, Miss H was in the mood for a little payback Sunday. I could hear it in her voice as she made fun of me for ruining things the previous night. "Can't hold your liquor can you?", she said wickedly. She didn't say much more as we spent a good part of the morning sleeping in. At one point I asked her if it was ok for me to get up and take a shower, which is also kind of code word for get dressed back in guy clothes and take off what ever nail polish and/or makeup I may be wearing at the time. I almost made it out of the bedroom free and clear before I heard her voice again. "Leave on the nail polish though, you've got chores to do today, right?"

"Yes, Mistress", I replied as I walked off with my head down, none to thrilled at this small wrinkle she had just thrown into my plans. Among other things, I had to drop off a few boxes of clothes, etc to Goodwill. Miss H and I were doing a sort of pre spring cleaning clean up and there were a bunch of things we were going to donate. Sensing my trepidation and knowing how much I dislike wearing the nail polish in public Miss H called out to me once more, "actually I think I'll give you a choice, wear the nail polish or I can diaper you up nice and thick, and I mean real thick, and you can do your chores like that instead". I thought for a minute and told her I preferred the painted nails. Even though they would be more likely to get noticed then some thick diapers under my pants, I wanted to show Miss H that I was trying to push my comfort level for her.

I could have taken the easy way out she had given me, but I knew she would have been disappointed and I didn't want her to be dissatisfied with me. So if that meant a little bit of embarrassment on my part then so be it. Besides, I thought to myself, as long as I kind of ball up my hands when I handing the bags to the guy at Goodwill he probably won't even notice. I know it may sound kind of lame to get so freaked out by wearing bright pink nail polish in public, but there's a big difference between me getting all dressed up and whore like for a fun night at Diabolique or similar fetish event and being in my regular guy clothes but wearing nail polish while at PetSmart. So yeah, it does kind of make me nervous because I'm already so self conscious about things and the added attention and scorn it may bring bugs me out.

After getting out of the shower I loaded up the car with all my Goodwill stuff and headed out.

I go to Goodwill all the time to donate stuff so I was really hoping the normal guy was working the donation drop off part. He's a hunched over little old guy who's nice but is more concerned with getting stuff loaded either into the store or onto the storage bins that he rarely pays me any attention when I'm there. 

Naturally though he's not there, instead it's some young guy in his late twenties doing his best wanna be hipster impression as I get out of my car door. I sigh under my breath at my crappy luck and walk around to start taking bags out. I try to distract him by asking a lot of questions, hoping he will be spending more time looking at my face then my hands. It seemed to have worked because I don't see him noticing my painted nails or at least acting like he does. He kind of looked at me sort of weird near the end so I think he got a quick glance at what was going on but by that time I was already headed back to the car and out of there. 

When I got home I let Miss H know how it went and she seemed genuinely dissapointed that it had gone so smoothly for me. She seems to revel in hearing my stories of humiliation so no doubt this lack of embarrassment on my part with the day's task will result in something much worse down the road from her. I was literally just about to ask if I could now go take the polish off when she slowly raised her eyes from behind the book she was reading to look at me.

"Ok, now why don't you run to the closet and grab your diapers. Let's get you nice and thick", she said without a bit of hesitation. I wasn't sure if this was due to the ease of my previous task or what but I was both turned on and mortified by the thought of being diapered for the rest of the day. Like most of my fetish's, the closer something gets to just destroying me mentally and having me turn into a whimpering ball of tears and shame, the more it seems to turn me on. Yes, I already know I'm pretty fucked up ;)

Miss H isn't really what you'd call a huge fun of diapers, she's very neutral on them, but she absolutely basks in the level of both joy and pain that their humiliation brings me. I get hard and dripping wet almost instantly at even her most subtle threat of her diapering me yet at the same time I can't look her in the eyes when shes doing it, I start trembling with fear, and sometimes almost tear up when she's being extra heavy handed with the verbal abuse. I absolutely love how with each passing month she's getting over her fear of hurting me and pushing things that much more severely. How she gets off on her ability to drive me to the edge of total pleasure and then to a sobbing mess and back again with nothing more then a few words.

This time I was ordered into a pull up, two thick ATN diapers, a line of bright pink duct tape to ensure I couldn't slip out of them, and finally the plastic panties to keep everything nice and snug. 

When I was done I was told not to get into my regular clothes that I had just been wearing but instead I was supposed to wear my new sissy pajama ensemble. I'll have pics of those tomorrow but for now the details aren't all that important because I'm running late so they're going to have to wait. Anyway, I get dressed up in my functional yet humiliating clothes for the day and I'm then basically dismissed. Miss H is doing some work she needs to focus on so I"m allowed to head out into the living room to watch some football.

About an hour or so later I get a txt from Miss H telling me that she's getting tired and will probably take a nap. She normally makes me wet the diaper in front of her when I can't hold it any longer, not because it turns her on, but because she knows it makes the whole experience about a thousand times worse when I have to do it and I know she's watching me and thinking god only knows what horrible things. I ask her if she wants me to wake her up in case I have to go. She responds with a no, what she wants me to do is when the time comes check on her. If she's awake I'm to let her know and then do it in front of her. If she's asleep I'm to wet myself but then keep it on for at least twenty minutes before taking a shower and washing up. That last little addition is just her newest way to mind fuck me and reinforce what a pathetic diaper sissy bitch I am.

When the time comes I check on Miss H and she's sleeping soundly in bed. I do exactly what I was told to and then left to get my shower.

I put my regular clothes back on and returned to watching the Giants game. During a commercial break I went to check on Miss who was just waking from her slumber. No hello, or how are you, came from her lips, just a smile and "did you have fun in your diaper today, sissy?". "Yes Mistress", I replied. "I didn't wait twenty minutes in the wet diaper though", I whispered gently. Her face suddenly looked sad and a bit angry upon hearing this unfortunate news. "I actually waited an hour and peed twice", I grinned. Her face perked right up and she softly began rubbing my head, "I'm so proud of my sissy".

Not exactly how I intended

Last night was the first time Miss H and I really had a chance to play all week. We've snuck in some quick tease and denial sessions but have been so busy with a multitude of other things that there hasn't been time to get into anything more extensive. We spent the earlier part of the day doing some work around the house with the thought being that around 7pm or so we'd grab a shower and afterwards have a drink and just relax and unwind for a bit before we got into things. Probably my first mistake was what I chose to drink, a nice big bottle of Everclear and another of apple juice. A cold Pepsi sitting on the side as my chaser of choice and with that the night began.

For anyone unfamiliar with Everclear, it's a 190 proof grain alcohol that according to Wikipedia -



"190-proof Everclear is in regular use amongst fine woodworkers and luthiers as the shellac solvent in French polish finishing. Everclear, as well as other neutral grain spirits, is typically added to a variety of other drinks, such as soft drinks, energy drinks, fruit juice, and iced tea. It is sometimes added to cocktails in place of vodka or rum and is used in Jell-O shots. It is also used to make homemade liqueurs, such as limoncello, and is used in cooking because its high concentration of alcohol acts as a solvent to extract flavors.
Everclear can be used as an antiseptic, as a fuel in camping stoves, and as a cleaner for the restoration of smoking pipes."

So while I'm sitting there knocking back crap that poor college kids and the homeless look down upon, Miss H is having a Gin and tonic and maintaining her dignity. In my defense though, I was buzzed *way* quicker then she was. My success with Everclear is kind of hit or miss. I don't drink it all that much but when I do it either provides the perfect level of drunkness to accompany a night of insane kinkiness, or crushing death as I want to go puke up a lung. Last night neither happened. Initially Miss H allowed me to enter her from behind, and then finger her while she used her favorite vibrator on herself. She came soon afterwards, but of course I was not granted the same relief. We then headed off toward the bedroom and I got dressed in my favorite slut dress and platform shoes. There was some cuddling and dry humping and then, well then, the next thing I remember is waking up wondering why the room was so dark. I looked at my nightstand clock and saw it was 4am.

God damn it.

Miss H woke up and as I asked her what the hell happened, not like I didn't already know the answer though. "You were out like two seconds after we laid down", Miss H smiled. I was worried she might be pissed but she was fine with things. I quickly pulled next to her and she mentioned something about how she could feel the fully erect cock pressed up against her. She toyed with me for a while, teasing me about some ideas she had for our relationship in the future and was kind enough to actually touch me for a while with her hand. As usual it wasn't more then maybe 20 seconds and I was pulling away, trying not to cum because I was so horny and turned on. When she grew tired of me she dismissed me to my side of the bed so she could get some sleep. My rest did not come quite as quickly as hers. It's amazing how much easier it is to sleep when you're not wracked with desire and need. 

Puppet Master

Or more correctly is that Puppet Mistress in the case of Miss H? Either way Miss H is pulling the strings with Beth again (see yesterday's post for the back story). Earlier this week Beth txted me asking if I wanted to me her for lunch because we both happened to be off from work that day. Knowing full well that Miss H would be less then thrilled about that little rendezvous I told her I couldn't. I said that Miss H had found the last batch of txts she had written me and was quite upset about it, I left out the part where it was actually Miss H herself writing those txts to Beth in the first place pretending to be me. I told Beth that I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship with Miss H so I couldn't go. Beth's was annoyed both because I couldn't go but more so that I had "been so stupid as to not delete the messages and cover my tracks". She then again asked if I would meet with her saying that Miss H would never know because she was at work and wouldn't find out. I politely declined and that seemed to be the end of that.

When Miss H arrived home I showed the latest exchange with Beth to her and we both kind of marveled at how, well, she was trifling, to use the vernacular of the Jerry Springer show.

We didn't really discuss any more then that and just went about the rest of our night in our usual manner. The next night as we were sitting in bed Miss H casually mentioned that the next time Beth asks if Miss H and I would like to go out for dinner, etc (which btw, she does with surprising regularity) that I should in fact accept the offer and all three of us could go together or barring that at least I could go. Again, on the surface seems like a strange thing for her to suggest, but as we talked it over the reasons behind her decision became more and more clear. Miss H knows two important facts - 1) Beth wants me desperately and 2) Miss H knows that although I wouldn't act on it, I kind of get off on the ego boost having Beth so interested in me provides. Therefore putting the two of us in such close proximity provides a pretty good mental "tweak" to both Beth and myself. 

Beth gets excited and then frustrated because it appears that I'm interested in taking things to another level with her but never quite to the level she really wants, and Miss H gets to flex her muscles and show me just how much control she does have over me. I'm "free" to do what ever I want with Beth but the problem is I'll be wearing a butt plug, thick padded diaper, CB-6000 chastity cage, women's lingerie, and painted toe nails beneath my regular clothes. Beth is not exactly what you'd call progressive when it comes to her views on sexuality, which is a nice way of saying she makes Rick Santorum seem pretty liberal by comparison. If you're not out working in a coal mine or clubbing a baby seal to death then you're basically a giant pussy. She'll often make comments about how guys she usually is interested in are much bigger and manlier then I am so she's not sure what the attraction is.

So I don't think it's much of a stretch to believe her desire for me would evaporate the second she saw what a little sissy diaper bitch I really am. Plus, the fact that she would then tell everyone where we work about it is just one more reason to stay as far from her vagina as possible. In a way, what Miss H is doing is just another form of chastity. She waves fresh meat in front of me knowing full well I can't act on it in even the slightest manner. Every come on and sexual innuendo that Beth puts out there just tweaks me that much more as I sit there helpless, realizing just how much control Miss H really has. I'm alone with a beautiful woman who would sleep with me at the drop of a hat, yet Miss H who's sitting far away in her office still has complete command of my sex life. 

I feel like a dog who just had an invisible fence installed around their yard. I'm not sure why the old metal fencing was taken down and I'm suddenly allowed to run free, but I do, only to realize that this new found freedom was just an excuse to show me that although the the cage is different, the same control will always be there.

Toying with her prey

I'm pretty sure that in a past blog post I talked briefly about a woman I work with who, from the minute we met, has been deeply interested in me. If I did, then unfortunately a little bit of this you've heard before. If not (because I'm to lazy right now to bother to go back and check) then just bare with me though the first paragraph or two until we get to the good stuff. She's something like eight years younger then me and has a small, almost four year old child. At first I thought she was just being really friendly or enjoyed flirting pretty hard with me. That is, until she told me a few weeks after initially meeting her that, "to bad your with Miss H or I would fuck you in ways you couldn't imagine".

She's a nice enough person but we're rather different in a number of ways. She has a definite kind of blue collar, rough and tumble attitude about her while I'm much more subdued and quite. She couldn't care less what people think about her, I'm self conscious. You get the idea. Anyway, she'll text me occasionally at work or at home with what at first are  just innocent messages and before long they get rather personal and jump right into sketchy and more than simple flirting.

Now I know where my bread is buttered so I'm not about to do anything that could potentially cause a problem between Miss H and myself so as soon as anything started happening I let her know. I told her what she had said and will show her the txt messages as soon as they come in. I've also made it crystal clear to this person (for the sake of this blog we'll call her "Beth" ) that not only am I with Miss H, and wouldn't cheat on her, we're engaged and getting married soon. Obviously Miss H isn't a big fan of Beth, but instead of marching down to my job and punching her in the face or something similar, Miss H has engaged in a more sinister way to deal with it, messing with her mind.

Miss H knows Beth is doing everything in her power to try to tempt me because she wants to go out with me. Beth frequently talks about how she's lonely and wants someone to be in a relationship. As much as it turns me on and provides an ego stroke to know that this hot chick wants me so bad, that is just not something I want any part of. My life with Miss H right now is so amazing in so many different ways. I love Miss H with every fiber of my being and she truly means the world to me. The mere thought of ever cheating on her doesn't even register on my radar yet I understand that naturally Miss H might feel threatened so I make it a point to reinforce to Beth that I'm not breaking up with Miss H now or ever. This seems to only charge up Beth more as her txts become more and more direct, while at the same time trying to say she just wants to be friends by inviting both Miss H and myself out to dinner, etc.

So what Miss H will do when Beth txts is begin to answer as if it was me. A horny, desperately in need of a younger single woman, me. She flirts right back with her *hard* to a sexual level that I don't take it on my own. It might seem a counter intuitive way to "get back at her", but strangely it works. She'll tell me the next day or whatever about how lonely and sad the txts make her because she can't have what she really wants. The pained look on her face as she describes the emotions she's feeling would have Miss H grinning from ear to ear if she could ever see it. I realize some people might be reading this and thinking it's mean what's going on but this is someone trying to interfere and break up an established relationship. Someone who knows we're getting married and still txt's me messages about ways I could "hide my tracks" from Miss H so she would never know what Beth and I were doing if I wanted to.

This is exactly why I don't mess with Miss H, some woman would flip out, call Beth's cell phone and read her the riot act, etc. Miss H on the other hand is calm like a surgeon, and quietly and meticulously moves in to eviscerate her soul with a scalpel of pure viciousness. Me personally, I would rather have my car keyed or something like that then have my emotions toyed with and abused for weeks and months on end as I tried to steal someones boyfriend.

Last night...

...sucked. What could have been an awesome night of kink turned into miscommunication, arguments, hurt feelings, and a generally unpleasant atmosphere throughout the house. The worst part was it wasn't even over something important. Damn it, why does this seem to happen every time we have the perfect chance to play?

On the edge pt. 2

Yesterday's post left off with me in the shed masturbating, or more precisely, edging myself as per Miss H's orders. Our shed is pretty big with two large windows in the front but I was well hidden and none of the neighbors could have seen me so it wasn't as risky as it may sound. When I was done I went back inside and picked up where I had left off with my To-Do list for the day. It's strange to have that sharp switch from kinky to mundane go back and forth through out the day. One minute you're getting ready to do laundry, the next you're jerking to fetish porn on Tumblr, then right back to normal chores, all within the time span of about 20 minutes.

When it was the next time to edge I txted Miss H once more and this time it was quite easy, I was allowed to masturbate for fifteen minutes to what ever porn I wanted. Being inside already, I took up a good spot on the bed, fired up my laptop, and dove right into the frighteningly extensive collection of porn I've acquired. It felt really good, made me think of the "good old days" when I sat around and jerked off to whatever I wanted to, as long as I wanted to. Much different then now when my sexual side is controlled and run by Miss H. 

It's almost as if Miss H could sense the feeling of freedom I was enjoying by being able to touch myself with such reckless abandon, because not long after when it was time to edge again she wasn't as kind or lax with her demands. This time there would be no pornography to stroke to, instead her demands were simple. Choose any item of hers and use it to edge myself with. It could be a pair of her panties (only used ones, not clean), a pair of her shoes, anything I wanted, it just had to belong to her. Initially I was going to grab a pair of her shoes because, well, I have a huge shoe/foot fetish, but then I decided to go with a pair of her worn panties. The idea of that never really did much for me in the past but there's just this weird combination of loving the way Miss H smells and the humiliation factor of getting turned on by used panties that is starting to do it for me.

The soft cotton of her panties felt good against me and I took turns alternating between holding them up to my face to bask in them, and rubbing myself with them. The ever so slight perfume of her pussy drove me wild with desire for her as I laid there alone, wishing for her to return. But before to long my time was up and I had to stop, replacing the panties in her hamper, in slightly worse condition then they had been previously. Small wet spots from my precum dotting the inside. I didn't hear a word from Miss H again after that until later in the afternoon when she got home. 

"How was your day?", said with a slight smile on her face. "By the way, what's for dinner?"

On the edge

Yesterday was a day spent literally "on the edge". Along with some minor sex related injuries that I've blogged about recently, both of us have had a fair share of nagging little health issues like colds, a probably respiratory infection, etc so our kink has been limited for the most part. So yesterday as either a way to get things back to the normal highly charged sexual atmosphere we normally have (or just to screw with me), Miss H devised a plan. Each hour on the hour starting at 8am I was to txt her and ask for permission to edge myself and she would then give me the amount of time I was allowed to do it. Edging always makes me crazy horny for obvious reasons, all that sexual charge gets built up and never released, and Miss H was well aware of that.

When that initial hour rolled around I was about to get a shower but I txted her first as she had instructed. "You may masturbate for one minute", was all she wrote. A minute might seem like a very short time, and it was, but being denied over four months and constantly teased and denied by Miss H has left me with a virtual hair trigger. It was close, but I still managed to get to the point of cumming and stop within the allotted time frame. I responded to her txt with a note saying that I had finished.

When it was 9am it was pretty much a repeat of the first edging although this time I was given 5 minutes which let me enjoy things a bit more. After wards I went for a short walk before completing my 10am edging. She joked that I had better make it a quick walk because it would be rather embarrassing for me if 11am came around and I was outside walking and suddenly forced to find a spot to edge. Not sure if she was serious or not, I made sure to be home by 10:40. For 11am I was allowed 10 minutes and the option to watch porn while edging if I wanted. By the end of those ten minutes I so desperately wanted to cum but had to stop and txt Miss H I was finished.

I had to run to Lowe's to get something for a little project I'm working on for Miss H. A small piece of bondage furniture I'm building, but more info on that and some pictures too when it's completed. Anyway, I get to Lowe's, find what I need and I'm doing great on time because we live like 5 minutes away from the store at max. Like a dumbass though I get caught up looking at some other stuff, a few things for the garden for this upcoming spring, a new houseplant I liked, some new rope and chain that Miss H might like, etc. I get a txt from a friend and as I'm reading it I suddenly panic as I see it's 12:03. Now, not only am I late, but I'm also looking at a patio fire pit in the middle of Lowe's. Crap.

I txted Miss H to explain the situation and ask her for an extension so I could get home to edge myself. She can be very accommodating some times so I figured there was at least a 70/30 shot at being allowed to go home first. However that was not the case. I'll save you the text of the rather lengthy message I got back in response, but the general gist was that she was annoyed that I seemed to be taking advantage of her kindness and asking to get out of all sorts of situations that were uncomfortable but not "dangerous". We have a rule where I'm expected to do exactly what Miss H says unless there's a compelling reason to do so, such as may cause unwanted physical harm, could directly interfere with work in a negative way, etc. Wearing a butt plug and diaper to work might not be a fun task, but I can keep things under wrap and no real problems would arise. Going to work dressed as a hooker on the other hand is probably going to get me fired.

I admit I've whined a bit much about certain things Miss H wanted me to and in hindsight I probably should have just shut up and done what I was told, but I didn't and a person can only feel taken advantage of for so long before they react, and that's just what Miss H did. Her response was basically along of the line of "do it or else". She said walk down an empty aisle and put your hand down your pants if you had to, but get it done and get it done now. I had a big bulky Flyer's hoodie on so I probably could have snuck off somewhere and done it relatively unnoticed but I was worried about getting caught or worse so I headed off to the bathroom instead. I wasn't sure if Miss H specifically wanted me to do it out in the store or if the semi-privacy of the bathroom would be ok. I was nervous to ask for fear that she would explicitly state that I *had* to do it in the store so I went with my earlier plan.

The bathroom was nearly empty when I walked in, one guy washing his hands at the sink but that was it. The bathroom itself had a maybe 4 urinals and about 5-6 stalls, one of which was an over sized handicap stall. I chose a stall in the middle of the pack, went in and quickly locked the door behind me. I was really nervous, even though nobody could see me it just felt like everybody in the store knew exactly what I was doing. As I lowered my pants I heard someone else enter the bathroom. I finally sat down and started stroking myself. Initially I was so nervous I almost couldn't get hard. I snapped a quick pic to prove to Miss H what I was doing and just sat there motionless as more people came in and out of the bathroom. Eventually I calmed down enough and started masturbating again. This time I got hard right away and spent the next ten minutes or so alternating between jerking off to porn on my phone and snapping pictures of myself in the stall.

When my time was up I got up, walked out of the stall, washed my hands, and calmly left the bathroom, walking right past a Lowe's employee in his tiny red vest, completely unaware that a little sissy with painted toenails and wearing women's panties was just stroking himself off in the bathroom he was now walking into.

My next time to edge came around when I was in the backyard working on my previously mentioned bondage project. I was maybe thirty five feet from the back door of our house, in the shed, so I could have easily just stepped inside but I wanted to show Miss H that I had learned my lesson from earlier. I was outside so that's where I would edge. I pulled the doors of the shed closed, txted her permission to edge and waited. She soon replied that I had just 7 minutes this time. I didn't mention I was in the shed but did as I was told, spending the next seven minutes stroking myself over and over again to the point where I was almost going to cum, then stopping. It was torture to quit after seven minutes but that's what I did, my body desperate for some relief that I knew all to well wasn't going to happen.

Just like I was left high and dry, so must you. I have exactly twenty five minutes until I have to be at my Dentist appointment so I'll have to save the rest of yesterday's adventure's until most likely tomorrow. Bye for now...

Dick grinder

As if Miss H's misadventures with lube in the last blog post weren't enough, now my stuff is messed up too. An overly enthusiastic bit of dry humping combined with a pair of Miss H's pajama bottoms that I can only assume were made out of sandpaper and broken glass, have resulted in a wicked abrasion alone left side of my sissy clit head. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if I would have just stopped and let things heal after Friday night. Instead, on Saturday we got right back into things.

I was working on a few things around the house Saturday during the day while Miss H was enjoying the free Showtime preview on Comcast. More specifically the free multi season marathon of Californication. To her that show is apparently like porn. I prefer chicks in boots and pvc and she gets fired up by David Duchovny. To each their own I guess.

So I make a joke about how I hope she's enjoying her porn which somehow leads to me loading up my external drive at her request to our Blu ray player and next thing you know we're naked, fooling around, and watching some real porn together.

That was the good part. The bad part, was I'm so horny at that point that as soon as Miss H said I was allowed to touch myself I started stroking like a mad man. About a half hour of that combined with an already existing tender area and you've got a problem. A very delicate, glowing red problem. Thankfully Miss H has let me forgo the CB-6000 chastity cage for a while until I'm healed up. That hasn't stopped her however from teasing me about how horny she's been recently and what she would let me do to her if only I wasn't temporarily "broken" as she so kindly puts it. 

I'm feeling a lot better today, each caress of my panties as I walk is no longer making me cringe like it did yesterday so that's a plus. As a side note Miss is doing just fine with no lingering effects from her killer lube the other night. Now if I can only get myself all healed up we can get back to business.

Fiery vagina of doom

Now is that a blog post title or what? Unfortunately for Miss H and myself, although to be honest, more unfortunate for her, that title is strikingly appropriate. What started out hot and heavy turned into surprisingly scary but thankfully ended up ok. Things began innocently enough, I was watching the Sugar Bowl and Miss H casually mentioned that I was to get into my pink sissy pj's and come to bed when it was over. Around midnight I walked into our bedroom and before long we were kissing, cuddling, rubbing, and engaged in some wonderful dirty talk to properly set the mood.

Miss H was virtually done her period but initially was hesitant for me to go down on her or really touch her that much. I don't really have a problem with period sex, it's a pretty neutral thing for me. It doesn't turn me on but at the same time I don't go off running and screaming at the thought of it either. Well Miss H must have been extra horny last night because it wasn't long before she was roughly pushing my head down between her thighs. She even allowed me to put my sissy clit inside of her. She was enjoying herself but I felt bad because I was so close to cumming that I was going way to slow and delicate for her liking. After only a few minutes of this she kind of propped herself up on her elbows and nearly out of breath yelled, "get the sheath".

Excitedly I ran off to grab the rubber cock extender that I had purchased a few months back. For those unfamiliar with a cock sheath, it's simply a hollow silicone dildo that you insert your penis in and is kept in place by a ring that fits around your balls. It allows me to fuck her with a much bigger dick then I naturally have and not have to worry about going slow because the sheath prevents 95% of all physical sensation to the wearer.

It's a real mind fuck to be so desperately horny all the time then to be allowed to feel her legs wrapped around me, and the motion of fucking back and forth against her and yet receive absolutely no pleasure from it. Every sensation is there, the feel of her skin, the sounds of her moans, the grip of her hands as she pulls me deeper inside of her, everything about sex that I've missed so much is there except for any sexual gratification.

So after rubbing lube all over the shaft of the big rubber dick I started fingering her which immediately got a positive result. I slowly pushed the head of the sheath into her, being careful not to go to fast and hurt her. I was surprised how quickly and easily it just slid all the way in however. She let our moans of pleasure like I hadn't heard in a while. To see her becoming so turned on and almost animalistic in her fucking was getting me off like you couldn't believe. Even being trapped inside the sheath I still had to slow down once or twice because I thought I was going to cum I was so turned on. The extremely slight friction caused by the sheath occasionally rubbing against my sissy clit almost had me losing control.

Miss H's mood then suddenly changed. She started with a much different moaning sound and started almost thrashing around. At first I thought she was just really losing herself in the moment and about to cum when she suddenly pushed me away and quickly got up out of bed. "What's wrong?", I asked, worried that I had hurt her or something. With a pained look on her face she said something about "it burns", before rushing into the bathroom. I was kind of scared at this point so I knocked on the door. She opened it and I saw her turning on the shower. She seemed a bit more relaxed but still obviously uncomfortable. "I think I had a reaction to that lube", she said. "At first it felt really good when you were inside me then it suddenly started to burn like hell. I'm going to try to take a shower and wash it off and see if that helps". I asked if there was anything I could do and she said no. She said not to worry, I hadn't done anything wrong. I didn't go to deep or cut her or anything like that, it was more then likely just a bad reaction to the lube we had used.

When she was out of the shower we sat on the bed and talked about what had just happened. Miss H is very sensitive to a number of things, she uses special soap and body wash because she's had similar problems with other personal care items in the past. There's never been a reaction like this to the lube before and we've had this particular one for a while now. She mentioned that sometimes when she uses it to jerk me off she'll get a red area on her hand but this level of intense reaction was a definite first. To ensure something like this never happens again I"m going to look into other lubes to see if they have a sensitive skin/no perfumes and dyes type thing and maybe use a condom over any dildoes to ensure that some ingredient in the toy isn't also contributing to the problem.  Thankfully Miss H is just fine this morning and there were no lasting complications.

New Years Resolutions

Ok, so I'm a tad late with getting around to writing this blog post considering its already January 5th but hey, it's bowl game week so I've been watching a lot of college football ;) This year there are a number of things of I want to work on both in my personal life, my work life, and my kinky life. I'll spare you the extended backstory and incoherent rambling and instead just get right into it -

1. Be nicer to Miss H. It's not necessarily that I think I treat her badly, but we both have a very caustic, dark sense of humor so while we both dish it out to one another pretty good, sometimes I take it a bit to far and zing her with a joke when I should just shut up and listen. I do it because I think it lightens the mood but it doesn't always come off that way so it's probably time to work on that.
2. Be more open and direct with Miss H. A lot of the really edgy, mind fuck kind of kinks we play around with both totally turn me on and at the same time crush me emotionally. Talking to her about them outside of when we're actively engaged in them totally embarrasses me so I change the subject or do whatever to not discuss them "in the light of day". That doesn't help either of us, I can't effectively communicate when I really want to engage in certain activities and she doesn't get the opportunity to discuss and talk about how she feels. That's one of the reasons she wanted me to start this blog. When I have the chance to talk about things remotely, such as through email or txt messages I can be much more open because there's not that shame of telling her directly to her face. Again, this needs to change too.
3. Stop obsessing about trying to "read" Miss H and just go with what she says. I wrote about that problem in an earlier blog post if you're interested in reading more about that.
4. Work harder at trying to accept that a true FLR type relationship is always in effect regardless if whether I'm tied up and hanging from the ceiling or we're eating Christmas dinner with her family. While this isn't a porno movie where we live some crazy fetish fuck fest every minute of every day, the basic underpinnings are always there. They might not always be at the forefront and super obvious, but they should be recognized as present and treated accordingly. I fall into the trap of being super subservient when I'm dressed and being caned, but when it's time to take out the trash and I'm running late for work, not so much. That's disrespectful to Miss H and belittles our FLR when an attitude like that rears its ugly head.
5. Eat better. That means more fresh fruits and veggies and less processed crap. The ingredients section on a particular food item should not have 67 different things in it, most of which require a PhD to pronounce.
6. Exercise more, at least four times a week for at least 30 minutes.
7. Watch less TV, including sports (ugh, this is probably going to kill me) and instead read more or just get outside. I have tons of books I've been dying to read but somehow I get sucked into watching just one more episode of Storage Wars or whatever else happens to be on. 

We'll see how it all works out but I think with a little effort I can make some positive changes this year for both Miss H and myself.

Holiday wrap-up

Miss H and I are seemingly recovered from the hectic holiday season so I figured it would be a good time to do a quick recap of how our Christmas went. For starters, it was quite enjoyable. It had a really nice "family" feel to it as we got to spend a lot of quality time with my family, hers, and us. Another thing I enjoyed is that the longer Miss H and I are together, the more the line between kinky life and vanilla life continues to blur. Last year was really the first Christmas that we exchanged "adult" presents with each other. It felt kind of weird to give her a sex toy to open right along with her regular gifts but we both enjoyed it and the initial awkwardness didn't last long once we got started.

This year, buying kinky presents seemed much more natural and both of our shopping lists had fetish gear listed right along with blu-ray players and Flyers shirts. There was a fleeting moment where I kept thinking, Christmas is a time for romantic diamond bracelets, not inflatable dildo's, but that's the beauty of our relationship, what's abnormal for many people is just the norm for us.

Compared to last year, I have to admit I was rather tame in my kinky presents to her. I got her some high end makeup, some new stockings, and a really nice garter belt. I was going to get some assorted bondage gear, but unlike last year when we were just getting into our FLR and we still occasionally switched, bondage gear wasn't something that Miss H would be using on herself very often anymore. I felt like like it was a kind of topping from the bottom thing if I bought something I wanted to be tied up in and gave it to her as a present for her. In hindsight she probably would have enjoyed some new device to torture me with so perhaps next year I'll add something interesting to the mix under the tree.

For me, she got me a Fleshlight, inflatable sex doll, some awesome wet look stockings, and makeup. She had mentioned many times before how I was constantly messing up her panties and pajama bottoms with my leaking pre-cum as I dry humped her leg or ass, so a fake masturbator might be a good idea. That way she could still provide a small reward when she thought I deserved it, but wouldn't have to ruin her clothes or deal with my tiny little clit in her hand.

I can already imagine her simply laying on her side, placing the fleshlight between her legs facing behind her, and if I've been good, spoon behind her and fuck the fake pussy while she reads a book or otherwise ignores me. Providing pleasure in the most cold, clinical manner possible. Or just simply holding it in front of me while I furiously pump the tight silicone sleeve inside the tube, watching in disgust as I debase myself in front of her, all for a few brief moments of pleasure that I'm unable to get anywhere else. 

The doll is even more ominous. You can *kind of* make a case for the Fleshlight. It's considered an actual masturbation aide and certainly not a cheap investment. Judging by the number sold and the various new models and variations they keep releasing, it's also extremely popular. A blow up sex doll on the other hand is nothing but the joke of countless movies and TV shows. It's more of a bachelor party gag then anything that's actually going to get you off. The shame and humiliation of being made to fuck such an absurd plastic creation is going to be horrible. At least with the Fleshlight there will be some interaction, even though no real physical contact with Miss H. With the doll I can only assume she'll just let me loose on it and perhaps watch if I'm lucky, ignore me if I'm not. She had me try it out briefly the other night and it was certainly embarrassing to put it lightly. I was allowed to put my clit in it to see if the opening was long enough to use, and it was. It probably won't be long until I have a longer, and more personal, experience with it in the future.